No, we did not win the Powerball.

Not only did we not win the Powerball, we didn't even win a dollar.

Once again, my retirement plans are crushed under the heel of Lady Lucks pointy little shoes.

She's a bitch....

*

I finally got around to ordering my power inlet for my generator hookup. When that arrives, I will have to manufacture a faceplate for it.

Basically, I ordered a circular power inlet with a flip-up weather tight cover. This device needs to be mounted on a face plate which in turn needs to then be screwed onto the work box.

I'm thinking of buying a sheet of brass and cutting it to the size I need. Then I'll cut the proper sized circular hole in it and mount the inlet in that opening.

Sometimes I make more of things than I need to but since this is going to be on my porch, which is basically another room of my house, I want it to be unobtrusive and attractive.

*

You can visit these links if you would like:

• In case you are one of the 3 or 4 people living under a rock who have not seen this yet, here is another winner of the Nice Guy of the Year award.



• It's gonna be a 'guy funeral'....



• Yes, alcohol was involved. (Yes, it was in Pennsylvania)



• The Beeracuda.

I spent the day in a class today

That means today is a Long Day = Short Post kind of day.

*

Here are a few links:

• Key phrase in this story: "They did, however, notice a bottle of liquor and a glass in the kitchen."



• The Supreme Court is kinda old.



• It's just a matter of time before they outlaw ukuleles....

Yes, I'm in a Powerball pool.

I'm in a pool with 10 other folks. I doubt we will win anything because we never do but we figured kicking in $4.00 apiece for a shot at $500 million wasn't a bad idea.

Hey, the way I look at it, if we win anything more than $44.00, we are ahead of the game. If we don't win anything, we've had a good time over the last few days talking about how we would spend the money.

*

Todays links can be found below:

• Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Mr. Joe Lueken, winner of the Nice Guy of the Year award.



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Day.



• Here's your Naked Guy in the News story.



• Best comment: "LIIIIIIIIIIKE A GLOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE"

44 years is a long time.

A friend of mine is retiring after being with our company for 44 years. If you're like me and you have a certain skill with programming, you would know that he's been with the company for 16,227 days.

That's a lot of days....

*

Here are a few links for you to visit:

• The terrorists have won.



• The terrorists have won.



• The terrorists have won.



• The terrorists have won and we should be prepared.

This work thing keeps getting in the way of my relaxation thing.

I left work last Tuesday at noon with the plan of not doing any work at all. I was going to relax and enjoy the Thanksgiving holiday as best I could.

Looking back over the last five days, I'm proud to say that I accomplished that goal.

Now, however, I am back at work and feeling like maybe I should have at least logged in and checked my email.

After deleting all of the email that was a sales pitch or spam, I was left with 154 emails to go through. Most of them require a response and some of them require research or work on my part.

It's gonna be a busy week....

*

I finally got around to color-coding the wires in the new subpanel so it's clear which ones are hot, which ones are ground and which ones are neutral. It might not seem important but trust me, it is.

In a few years, when I've completely forgotten how I installed everything, the color coding lets me know which wires I should avoid touching when the power is on. It also lets everyone else know which ones are capable of killing them.

Knowing things like that is always a good.

*

You might want to visit these links:

• Researchers: Contributing to the betterment of our society or a complete waste of perfectly good oxygen. We report, you decide.



• Key phrase in this story: "Yeah, I can think of probably better things I can buy out of a vending machine than fish eggs."



• Instead of suing the police department, maybe she should take a long hard look at herself and her son. Maybe she needs to admit that her son is an asshole and she's probably the cause of his assholeishness...



• This is nice and all but if I recall correctly, President Bush flew over to Baghdad and served Thanksgiving dinner to hundreds of troopers.



• How do you lose a device that is designed to be tracked?

Christmas Shopping is a pain in the neck

Even doing it online is a pain in the neck.

A few years ago, there were more places to buy things online but there were fewer choices of products to buy. Now there are fewer places to buy things but there are far more choices of products.

For instance, back in 2001, if you wanted to buy, oh, I don't know, maybe a Nintendo GameCube, you could check prices at Circuit City, Best Buy, CompUSA, Toys backwardR Us, etc... for a Game Cube with two controllers.

Now, if you want to buy a Nintendo GameCube, you can check Best Buy, Walmart, Target, etc... but you have about a dozen "bundle" choices to make, all of them different prices. There's the GameCube with one controller and four games option, the GameCube with two controllers and the mindreading device but no games option and then there's the GameCube with the naked college coed but no controllers option.

How the hell do I know which "bundle" to get? I don't play the damned game. I have no idea which is "funner" or "cooler". I'm old and out of touch. Give me one choice and a decent price and I'm okay with that.

Like I said, it's a pain in the neck.

*

My eldest returned to his Boston life yesterday, my daughter returned to her Vermont life this afternoon and my youngest returned to his New Hampshire life this afternoon.

Once again, my house is quiet and it's just my wife, myself and The Dog. We still have the cats but I don't count them because they spend their entire day sleeping on the bed so I never see them.

*

No, I didn't spend any time working on my electrical panel today. I did, however, go find some links:

• Well, I guess that's one way to get revenge on your old employer.
  



• Only in Florida.



• Because, hey, you can never be too careful.



• Here's your Naked Guy in the News story.

And the work continues.

It dawned on me that I'm really moving slowly on this subpanel.

Well, there is a reason for that - I don't want to electrocute myself or burn down my house.

Two good reasons to move slow, if you ask me.

*

Here are some links you can click on:

• Not sure about you folks, but this caused The Dog to go a little nuts and made me go out to check on my neighborhood.



• In case you were wondering, the Japanese are still crazy.



• Not only is this Only in Florida, it's also a Only in WalMart.



• And Lo' the Christmas Season doth begineth. (It's also at WalMart).

I have found the next great invention.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm pleased to present the See-Thru Propane Tank.

That is, in my humble summer-time-cook-out-yard-filled-with-people-waiting-for-food opinion, one of the greatest inventions of all time. It ranks right up there with toilet paper and the wheel.

If you've ever run out of propane in the middle of grilling up several steaks, you'll understand why I feel that way.

*

I finally started pulling wire into my new subpanel. This is the run from the generator to the panel.

I have one piece of conduit installed that will hold the feed from the main panel. I need to install a second piece for the eight individual circuit extensions.

I'm planning on putting new breakers in the subpanel and leaving the existing breakers in the main. I'll tape the ones in the main over and label them as unused. That way, if I ever decided to remove the subpanel, I can just swing the circuits back over to the main.

When all is said and done, there will be no more extension cords running through my house when the power goes out.

*

So here are some links you can visit if you want:

• There's a reason why hunters use guns.



• Key phrase in this story: "He then administered an injection in the woman's buttocks to alleviate the toothache and then kissed her buttocks."



• Not only is he an idiot, he's a lying sack of crap.



• Only in China.



• Oops.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Go eat some turkey and enjoy your day because that's what I'm gonna do.

Days off are great.

I took today off because, well, why not. I have a lot of vacation time left and if I don't take it, I lose it.

Trust me, I'm not gonna lose any vacation time.

Ever again.

*

Links:

• This one is for my daughter.



• Key phrase in this story: "It’s sort of embarrassing."



• Dads - We do the most interesting things to entertain our kids.



• Tom sends us this catchy little tune via his Facebook page.

The Dog is very happy.

Two of our offspring arrived home today (one of them is actually still here, the other is off "hanging with his buds") and the third will be arriving later tonight. This makes The Dog extremely happy.

It also makes my wife and I happy but since we don't have a giant tail that we can wag back and forth, smacking against tables and people and such, it doesn't show as much.

*

Oh, and I would like to say one thing to the asshole from Rhode Island with the bad case of road rage and a giant SUV that tried to kill my daughter on 91:

Heads up punk, if I ever find you, I will ruin you.

*

Here are todays links:

• I would like to point out to all you activists out there that messing with heavily-armed guys is probably not a bright idea. It's akin to poking a stick into a hornets nest - eventually you're gonna get stung.



• Here's more proof that our species is kinda retarded.



• Key phrase in this story: "The clown is a well-known local activist who is often spotted protesting outside government buildings."



• The word "psycho" comes to mind....



• You gotta love Conan O'Brien and his writers.

Mondays can be a real drag.

This Monday, however, isn't so bad. I'm taking a half day off tomorrow to go retrieve my youngest from school and then I'm taking the rest of the week off. That means today was my only full day of work.

It doesn't suck to be me.

*

Do you know how much a new gasket for a dishwasher costs?

I do - $35.00 for a what amounts to a 6 foot length of rubber tubing, that's how much they cost.

Personally, I'm pretty sure that's a lot of money for a piece of tubing.

*

I have made no progress on my new generator subpanel simply because I havn't been able to verify some things. I'm trying to get in touch with the electrical inspector before I move forward because I need to know if I really need to have a master electrician install this thing or if I can pull the permit and do it myself.

I know the electrical codes and I have the ability to do a safe and neat job but I'm not doing anything if the town might suddenly come along one day and accuse me of a capital crime for not following the letter of the law.

I don't want to be executed by the state for not filling out the proper form.

*

Here are some links:

• Massachusetts: We're more corrupt than Illinois!



• In case you don't know what the previous article was referring to, here's the deal.



• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• I see very little difference between her political party and either the Democrats or the Republicans.

Has Israel invaded Gaza yet?

At some point, the Israelis are going to invade Gaza and make it a hamas-free zone. They will kill everyone remotely related to either Hamas or the Muslim Brotherhood and, in my opinion, they might be justified.

Last year, there was a little thing called "The Arab Spring" that resulted in the middle-east becoming extremely tribal. All the little tribes are now following the lead of one fanatic or another and they are all at war with each other. The Shi'ites are killing the Sunnis, the Sunnis are killing the Sufis and everyone hates the poor Kurds.

Enter the Palestinians who start saying, "Hey! You guys need to stop killing each other and let's get to killing the Jews!" So now Hamas, which is an offshoot of the Muslim Brotherhood and closely related to the current leadership of Egypt, Libya, Yemen and Tunisia is asking for help in eliminating Israel from the face of the earth.

Now Hamas has the backing of Egypt and Libya and they have started launching random rockets into Israel. Israel, in turn, started launching not-so-random air attacks on Gaza.

In the past, when this kind of thing happened, the President of the United States would step in and get the two parties together at someplace like Camp David and make them agree to stop killing each other.

Our current President does not appear to be doing that and as a result, this is probably going to end badly.

*

This made me giggle...

*

You can click on these links of you would like to:

• The way I look at it, you can either pay $3,000.00 for a taste or you can learn how to make your own and taste them for the rest of your life.



• Here's your Naked Guy in the News story.



• Key entry from our favorite police log: "1:00 p.m. There was talk of criminal mischief at a bar on Highway 35 in Kalispell."

MS update should be smarter than it is.

On Tuesday, Microsoft released 18 updates/patches to their products. Since I have my laptop configured to check for updates but ask me if I want them, I received the notice on Tuesday evening that there were updates ready for computer.

I looked at the updates and they all seemed like something I wanted except for two of them. One was an update to Sharepoint and the other was an update to OneNote, two products I have installed but have never used.

After some thought I decided I would allow all updates.

After about three hours of listening to my hard drive spin and my fan run constantly, I decided to find out what was going on with the damned updates. Turns out it was stalled at the 17th update. This update was listed as "Update for Microsoft OneNote 2010 (KB2687277) 32-Bit Edition".

I tried to cancel the update but the process had other ideas and that wasn't happening.

Despite being warned not to turn off my computer, I decided to turn off my computer.

After it rebooted, the machine came back up and within two minutes reported that there were updates ready for my computer.

I checked to see what the updates were and sure enough, one was for SharePoint and the other was for OneNote. I selected the one for SharePoint and it installed no problem. I rebooted my computer as instructed and as soon as it came back up, I was informed there were updates ready for my computer.

I elected the update for OneNote, again, and again, it failed to install.

This was, to say the least, getting a little frustrating.

Once again, I had to hard boot my laptop and it was then that I decided maybe the problem was that I had never activated OneNote.

I started the OneNote product and, like all Microsoft products, it informed me that I had better read the 5 billion page license agreement or I would rot in a Nicaraguan jail cell for the rest of my miserable life being read the US tax code by a herd of newly-minted lawyers

After I said I agree (even though I really have no idea what I agreed to), it activated the product, did some things with an imaginary printer and created an icon in my running tasks bar,

I closed the product and then ran the update.

Lo and Behold, the update started up and my PC immediately informed me there was a program trying its best to show me a message and would I like to see the message. I said yes, I would like to see the message and a message appeared on my screen saying that One Note was trying to create a printer with the same name as an existing printer. I was given the option of clicking a button, which I did, and the update finished installing.

The bottom line here folks is if you are having trouble installing the "Update for Microsoft OneNote 2010 (KB2687277) 32-Bit Edition", it's because you never activated One Note. Activate it, install the update and move on with your life.

*

Here are some links you can visit:

• This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs.



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Week.



• What? Are they saying this is against the law?



• Only in California.



• Key phrase from our favorite police log: "7:25 a.m. Reportedly, someone on Facebook is attempting to sell dead cats."

I'm tired.

I'm not feeling great and I'm tired. I think it's a combination of the damned time change two weeks ago and some semblence of a stomach virus. It's not like I'm dying but I certainly don't feel like doing much of anything and the little that I do feel like doing, I don't feel like doing it very far away from a bathroom.

Either that or I'm just getting old.

*

This story deserves more than a one-line blurb because there are so many things leading up to this sad turn of events.

Let's start with all of the nanny governments out there who think that we should eat the food they say we should eat. "No Twinkies or large sodas for you, only rice cakes and water. But not the water in a plastic bottle. Only the water from the tap that the government supplies to you."

Moving on, we can also toss a big old heapin' of blame on the current economic state of our country.

I know, I know - It's all Bush's fault.

No, it's not Bush's fault. It's Reagan's fault, it's Bush's fault, it's Clinton's fault, it's Bush's fault and it's most certainly Obama's fault. Not a single one of those so called "leaders of the free world" ever took a look at the long-term ramifications of their supposed economic decisions.

If you haven't been paying attention, Obamas health Care bill includes a requirement that any company with more than 50 full-time employees must provide health care. This is a massive expense that most small businesses can't afford.

The simple solution is to cut everyones hours to less than 30 hours per week and hire 20 new part-timers. That way the business no longer has any full-time employees and they no longer have to offer health care.

Another simple solution is to provide the health care and raise the price of the products it produces. Something tells me that raising prices while in the middle of a recession/depression/dark ages is probably the stupidest thing imaginable and will result in a lot of companies going out of business.

Finally, let us not forget the idiots that are "leading" the unions. Every one of them takes the position that management is lying to them when they say, "We can't afford to remain in business at these wages" and they play chicken with them.

Playing chicken assumes that both vehicles have the ability to swerve. In the case of a corporation that has already declared bankruptcy twice, the steering mechanism was gone. It was like the union was in a car playing chicken with a train. And the union assumed the train would swerve.

Good job there Union representatives. It's going to be a wonderful Christmas for 18,500 families....

*

You can click on these. Or not. Whatever you feel like doing is fine with me:

• Here we go again....



• Only in Pennsylvania.



• You gotta love New Yorkers.



• Key phrase in this story: "Instead the woman produced her gun."

Five Hundred Plus visitors.

My little treatise the other day about the scam being run by "Lawyer Skadden" and the reprinting of his (or her) email seems to have drawn some attention. Normally, the counter on this blog page reads 50 visitors a week. Yesterday it read 440 and as of this moment, it reads 545.

This is because of Skadden and his (or her) paypal scam, not because I've suddenly become popular.

If I thought for one moment that the number of "hits" I get is symbolic of anything at all, I would be savoring this moment. Fortunately for me, I don't write this thing to be popular, I write it because I occasionally have some crap I want to spew and this is a good place to spew it.

If someone wants to read my spewage, good for them.

*

You can click on these links:

• Key line in the video: "GET AWAY FROM MY CAR! GET AWAY FROM MY CAR!"



• Key reader comment in this story: "Is stupidity a mental health issue?"



• They really know how to whoop it up in Tacoma, WA.



• Perhaps it was a Killer Rabbit....



• Only three more days.



• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Doesn't everyone want less prison time? I don't know about you but I've never heard a convict say, "Wow, that sentence is perfect!" or "Pardon me Yer Honor but don't ya think ya kinda short-changed me on that sentence there?"

Let the wiring begin.

Pat says he's anxiously awaiting the completion of my project to wire my generator into my home's electrical system. He figures that once I finish it, we'll never have another power outage again.

Pat is a funny guy.

*

Links are here:

• Who the hell keeps a loaded flare gun in their apartment?



• Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Saadat Khan, the newest member of the A-Team.



• Only in Florida.

I get the best spam.

I received the following email from "Lawyer Skadden" (Yes, that is the actual name in the FROM line):

From: "Lawyer Skadden"
Subject: Summons PayPal Bill Me Later Outstanding Debt 9889

We notifies You several times about your debt to PayPal Bill Me Later.

In the event that you fail to voluntary satisfy our requirements for payment of your debt to Bill Me Later, we well have to turn to the court with the purpose of enforced collection of a debt, witch may entail additional expenses for you, for example, the expenses in the amount of state duty, the cost of representative's services for the compearance, the compensatory interest for the use or detention of money for each day of delay, and the execution free.

Furthermore, in accordance with applicable law, you may be restricted from traveling outside the territory of the country, and your property may be seized.

Based on the foregoing we offer you to pay the debt in the amount of 308.00

It appears our Nigerian friends are trying some new tricks. Also, that has got to be one the longest run-on sentences ever written.

And no, I did not open the email. I copied it onto my hard drive and made it a text file. Then I opened it with notepad. I ain't gettin' no scammer virus from "Scammer Skadden".

*

Here are todays links:

• David, David, David.... Despite what you may think, you are not invincible so please do not stand in front of trucks being driven by drunks with bad hair cuts.



• Yes, alcohol was involved. Also, pizza.



• All I can say is, "Yuck".



• Somehow or another, I'm betting Ozzie was involved.

Days off are always nice

I took today off because I originally planned on driving my youngest back to school after his three day weekend. My youngest, however, decided to go meet his girlfriends parents and then hang out with all his friends this weekend.

Personally, I don't blame him. When I was 18 years old, I would much rather be with my friends than home with mom and dad.

*

So anyways, I kept the day off and used it to finish pulling the wire that will allow me to hook my generator directly into my house wiring.

Several days ago, I ordered a subpanel with a generator interlock. This will allow me to shift 6 or 7 circuits off my main onto the subpanel so I can power them off my generator simply by shutting off one breaker and turning on another.

Trust me when I say this will be much simpler than hauling extension cords through my house.

Extension cords are a pain in the butt.

*

Here are todays links:

• I remember these idiots after the tornado and the snowstorm. They clog up the already screwed up roads and take pictures of everything like it's some kind of tv show.



• Hey, you gotta give him credit for being a multi-tasker.



• Yea, because that's what a "federal agent" looks like...



• Our favorite police log: "3:29 p.m. Someone Saran wrapped a kid to a telephone pole on East Idaho Street. A police officer helped free him."



• Researchers: Contributing to the betterment of our society or a complete waste of perfectly good oxygen. We report, you decide.

Yet another life tip for you.

I have four or five email addresses for various things. One of those email addresses is a gmail address that I use for spammy kinda things. For instance, if I am on a website that wants me to create an account to view their content, I use my gmail address to create the account because I know it's going to get a ton of spam.

The other day, I noticed a series of emails that seemed sorta legitimate but from an unknown sender. I decided to open one and found that it was from an engineering firm in London where I had apparently interviewed for a job. They wanted me to come in for a second interview with a vice president.

At first I thought it was spam but then I realized that it wasn't spam. It was a mistake.

Right now, there is some guy in London who went for a job interview and when he filled out the forms, he gave them the wrong email address. He probably would have gotten the job if he went in for the second interview but he never knew about the second interview.

Here is a life tip for you: When you interview for a job, make sure that all of your information is correct. Make sure you put down the right phone number and for cripes sake, make sure you put down the correct email address.

*

Feel free to click on these links:

• And this, my friends, is why I never eat tongue. Well, that and the fact that it's tongue....



• So it begins....



• Oh crap. This won't be good. It won't be good at all....

Fewer leaves this year

Since we had all those trees removed last year, we had far fewer leaves to deal with this year. We still had leaves but those came from my neighbors yard. They seem to have an aversion to clearing their lawn and to be honest with you, it's kinda pissing the rest of us off.

*

So now that the election is over, President Obama and Speaker Boehner have restarted their public "My Dick Is Bigger Than Your Dick" battle and we are all going to end up getting screwed.

Obama wants to keep the tax cuts enacted by George Bush but only for those folks making less than $250,000.00 a year. Boehner wants to keep the tax cuts for everybody and neither one is publicly willing to compromise.

That means we are going to have to wait until the last minute, watching those two idiots joust with each other, to learn if we are all going to pay a shitload more taxes next year or not.

*

I think someone isn't taking the results of the election very well....

*

Here are some links for you to click on:

• Key ironic phrase in this story: "That's so wrong. I would never do anybody like that. Get a job."



• Key entry from our favorite police log: "6:38 p.m. An intoxicated woman called from Highway 35 in Kalispell to report that someone she knows has been gone doing laundry for four hours."



• I know people that would pay good money to see that.

Meet the new day, same as the old day.

Once again, it was a long day, thus making this a short post.

*

Before I leave you, let me just say that in just about 13 weeks, Pitchers and Catchers will report for Spring Training. Two or three weeks later, the first Spring Training games begin

*

You can visit these links if you would like:

• This is why I don't keep my cash in my couch.



• Key phrase in this story: "You can drink it fast, you can drink it slow - but the lips have gotta touch the toe." (Also another reason why I only drink Budweiser.)



• NOOOOO!!! Not the 'Tater Tots!

Long Day = Short Post

We ran a errands after work today and I didn't get home until after 8:00.

*

I did manage to find a few links for you:

• This is why I only drink Budweiser.



• And this, my friends, is how you get shot.



• Yes, alcohol was involved.

Finally!! No phone calls!

Despite the fact that I am not happy with the way the election turned out, I am happy with the fact that it is over.

We no longer have to put up with malicious television commercials telling us how terrible someone is, we no longer have to put up with coworkers telling us how great their particular candidate is and, most important of all, we no longer have to put up with robocalls.

I hate robocalls.

*

So now that the election is over, it's time, once again, to ask what is wrong with the republican party.

For the last 30 years, the republican party has thrown it's weight (and money) behind some of the most ludicrous individuals on the planet. I can't go over every single instance but I can certainly give you a list of in-duh-viduals who should be locked in booby hatches:

1. Rick Santorum and his firm belief that the The Flintstones is a documentary.


2. Richard Murdock, who believes that if a woman is raped and she gets pregnant, the resulting pregnancy is "Gods will" and she should not be allowed to get an abortion.


3. Willard Romney. Yes, the man has great hair and yes, he certainly carries himself like a real "mans man" but the bottom line is that he is an arrogant asshole.
   
   Let's face it, the man came to Massachusetts out of the clear blue sky, got himself elected governor, took away my right to smoke in a bar, forced people to buy a product called "insurance" and then walked away like it was no big deal.


4. Donald Trump. This is a guy who every time he opens his mouth, the rest of the world looks at each other and goes, "Huh"???
   
   The leadership of the republican party should call a press conference and say, "Donald Trump is not associated with the republican party in any way. As a matter of fact, we think he might be an escapee from some looney bin somewhere and we really wish the nice young men in the clean white coats would take him away."

Until the republican party starts treating women like they were something more than a baby factory, stops promising to lock up every "illegal alien" in the country and stops insisting that one hundred years of well-documented scientific study is a lie, they can expect to be treated like boobs.

*

And in case you are interested in this kind of thing, the DJIA dropped more than 300 points today. I guess the stock market is not happy that President Obama will be around for another four years...

*

Here are some links:

• Only in Florida. (If you ae going to rob someone, you should at least learn how to say "Give me the money" in their language.)



• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Day.

Hopefully the phone calls have stopped.

I got home and found three messages on my answering machine telling me that I still had time to go vote.

Yesterday, I got four or five calls in the evening and the last one came in at 8:56pm. If it was a human being on the other end of the line, I would have been happy to tell them jam their message up their ass.

But it wasn't a human being.

It was a robo-call from some woman claiming to be an advocate for woman everywhere. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure she indicated that she earned her living advocating for women. Nice gig if you can get it but that wasn't the important part of the call.

The important part of the call was her claiming that Scott Brown is also an advocate for women. I don't think she claimed that he earned his living advocating for women so he must just be a hobby-advocate or a volunteer-advocate instead of a professional-advocate.

Good for you Scott. I'm certain that women all over the planet are not only grateful for your advocacy, they also probably think your kinda hot but did your girl have to wake me up at 9:00 at night to tell me that?

*

So anyways, I went and voted this morning. Actually, me and a few hundred of my closest friends went and voted this morning.

I don't want to say it was crowded but I got to stand in line for about a half hour before I finally got to vote. Appearantly I live in the section of town with either the earliest risers or the most politically-minded residents.

At 7:30 this morning, the voting maching for my precinct registered 114 votes. That a huge number for my little section of our small town and I suspect we are going to see the highest turnout ever.

Good for us. It's about time we turned out to vote.

*

In case you're interested, I predict that the winner of todays elections will be the lawyers because this election is going to result in lawsuits all around. Obama and Romney are going to sue everyone, everywhere. Especially Florida.

While we all watch the completely meaningless and uber-boring analisys of the election, we might want to click on these links:

• I think they write these kinds of stories just so they can write these kinds of headlines...



• I have a new favorite judge.



• Only in Florida.



• I understand the scantily-clad models but I don't get the ship and the submarine...

I know who I am going to vote for.

After reading all the endorsements, watching all the advertisements, reading all the news stories and weighing all of the pros and cons, I know who I'm going to vote for tomorrow.

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What? You expected me to tell you?

No, it doesn't work like that.

In this country, you get to decide who you are going to vote for. Don't let anyone else tell you who you are going to vote for. Don't let Clint Eastwood tell you to vote for Willard Romney, don't let The Springfield Republican tell you to vote for Barack Obama and don't let me tell you to vote for Gary Johnson because the other two guys are boobs.

You need to decide for yourself who to vote for.

Besides, it doesn't matter who you vote for. You live in Massachusetts and that means your electoral college votes will more than likely go to the democrat.

Lets look at the history of my vote and how flacid & worthless it was:

• Despite the fact that I voted for Gerald Ford in 1976, all fourteen of Massachusetts electoral votes went to Jimmy Carter.
• Thankfully, my vote mattered in both 1980 and 1984 when I voted for Ronald Reagan and so did everyone else on the planet.
• Despite the fact that I voted for George HW Bush in 1988, all thirteen of Massachusetts electoral votes went to Michael Dukakis.
• Despite the fact that I voted for George HW Bush in 1992, all twelve of Massachusetts electoral votes went to Bill Clinton.
• Despite the.... Wait. Never mind, I didn't vote for Bob Dole in 1996, I voted for Clinton. Dole was a boob.
• Despite the fact that I voted for George Bush in 2000, all twelve of Massachusetts electoral votes went to Al Gore.
• Despite the fact that I voted for George Bush in 2004, all twleve of Massachusetts electoral votes went to John Kerry.
• Despite the fact that I voted for John McCain in 2008, all twelve of Massachusetts electoral votes went to Barack Obama.

Do you see the pattern there? It doesn't matter which candidate for President that you vote for because this state will give the eleven electoral college votes it currently has to the Democrat.

If you want your vote to matter, there are two places you can go that elect their federal leaders by the popular vote - Canada or Mexico. Move to either one and your vote will always matter.

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If you are still confused, perhaps this qoute from Dave Barry will help:

"The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who'd stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. 

The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn't bother to stop because they'd want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club."

I hope that helps you decide.

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Here are a few links you can click on:

• Key phrase in this story: "Making a rare Western Massachusetts appearance...."



• Here's your Naked Guy in the News story.



• Hey kids! Don't smoke crack. You never know where it's been.

Did you remember to change your clocks?

We got an extra hour of sleep last night and, as far as I'm concerned, getting an extra hour is way better than the hour we lose in the spring.

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I was watching the news this morning and there was a lot of talk about how the two presidential candidates are flying all over the country trying to influence the vote. This got me to thinking about who pays for all this air travel?

When Romney goes campaigning, he is flying in a jet that is leased by his campaign and is being flown by a crew that is paid by campaign donations.

When Obama goes campaigning, he is flying in a jet that was purchased by the US taxpayer and is being flown by a crew that is paid using tax dollars.

That got me to wondering if President Obama has to pay to use Air Force One for his campaign so I did a little research.

Turns out we have to pay for Obama's jet and crew. It is what we do to protect and secure our President. All his campaign has to pay for is the "equivalent of the airfare that they would have paid had they used a commercial airline".

The estimated cost of operating Air Force One is just under $180,000.00 per hour and all Obama has to pay is $300.00.

I would like to point out the $180,000.00 is four times the average annual wage in the United States.

A flight from Washington D.C. to Cincinnati, Ohio takes just about two hours.

That means every time President Obama flies from Washington to Ohio to give a campaign speech, he is spending about $360,000.00 in our tax dollars. That is the equivalent of 8 peoples annual income.

So far, in the last two weeks, President Obama has flown on Air Force One every day to attend a campaign event. If he is averaging two hours a day in the air, that means he has spent more money than 112 US citizens earn in a year.

Another way to look at it is that he has spent more tax dollars in the last two weeks than what three US citizens will earn during a working lifetime of forty years.

So much for all that "taking care of the little guy" thing that the Democrats keep harping on about....

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Got no links for you today so I guess you'll just have to surf the internets yourself.

Fall back.

I will be really happy when this election is over because that's when the damned phone calls will stop.

Today I received three phone calls. The first one was to tell me that Elizabeth Warren was going to take my guns away. The second one was to tell me that Willard Romney was going to give my job to a guy from China and the third was was to tell me that Scott Brown was going to take away my wife and daughter's civil rights.

I have yet to hear what evil Barack Obama is preparing to foist upon me but I imagine it's got something to do with taking my money and giving it to illegal aliens from the planet Venus.

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The lawn is clean but I have a feeling that status is not going to last long. My neighbors yard is covered with leaves and the wind is blowing in my direction.

I hate when the wind is blowing in my direction....

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My daughter came home this weekend so she could go get her "big girl license".

Up until now, her drivers license has been vertical to indicate that she is a minor. Last Tuesday, she turned 21 years old which means she now gets a horizontal license like all the adults in her life.

It's nice to be 21 years old.

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While I spend my evening answering my phone, you can click on these links:

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• When I saw this story, I was immediately reminded of Kermit and Fozzy Bear in the original Muppet movie.

Please, no more phone calls.

I am sick and tired of all the damned phone calls I'm getting from Elizabeth Warren, Scott Brown, Barack Obama and Willard Romney. They all want me vote for them and I've about had it.

At this point, whenever an actual human being calls me and asks who I'm voting for, I say, "I'm voting for the only candidate that hasn't interrupted my dinner with an annoying phone call. I'm writing in Pat Paulson."

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While I struggle to remain awake, you can visit these links:

• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Month.



• So this guy is willing to spend 15 years in jail over 10 gallons of gas.



• Pffftttt.... Rednecks.



• I'm not entirely sure how to feel about this.

I got a little wordy yesterday.

We'll make up for that today by being much less wordy.

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While I'm being less wordy, you can click on these links:

• A python? He used a python? What the Hell!!



• Good job there, California....



• Oops.



• Here's your Naked Guy in the News story.