Go Mets!

Thor stepped up and pitched a hell of a game last night.

Tonight Steven Matz will be taking the mound and hopefully he does better than he did against the Dodgers.

I will be watching my special coaching TV and offering my sage advice while handing out candy to the little urchins in our neighborhood.

*

Don't forget to turn your clocks back an hour tonight.

Or not. I guess it's technically a voluntary thing.

Hell, maybe you should be that rebellious guy who's an hour early for everything for the next 5 months

*

Here are some links:

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Only in Florida.



• Oh Canada.

Everybody Celebrate!

We celebrated my daughter's birthday today with mass quantities of chinese food and some type of pretty darned good ice cream cake.

After we were done with the grazing and snarfing, most of my family went into the non-coaching TV room to watch their DVRs while I sat in front of my special coaching TV and made preparations to stay awake long enough to see some number of innings.

Hopefully the Mets do better at home than they did on the road and I won't have wasted precious sleep on yet another Royals win.

I hate wasting sleep.

*

While I sit in front of the TV digesting crab rangoons and cake, you can click on these links:

• Runaway Pumpkin would be an excellent name for a 1960 bubble-gum pop band.



• Key phrase in this story: "I immediately started screaming..." Ya big girl's blouse.

Damn.

I thought the Mets had a chance right up until the moment I fell asleep in the fourth inning.

Then I woke up in the eighth inning...

Oh well, we'll have to see what happens over the weekend.

*

No baseball tonight but the Patriots are hosting the Dolphins.

As my brothers would say, "Squish the Fish!"

*

You might like these:

• Key phrase in this story: "...a bizarre incident involving a pistol and fake spiders."



• Hah!

Go Mets!

The Royals scored the winning run in the fourteenth inning last night. It was a hell of a game and I wish the Mets had won but such is the way of baseball.

I'm hoping the Mets win tonight and they head to New York City tied in the series. I'm thinking they stand a pretty good chance of winning those three games at home.

*

We had a small incident with the dog bed this afternoon....

The Small Emergency Backup Dog denied all involvement.
The Large Main Dog simply looked at her and shook his head.

*

Try these links out:

• I did not realize how smart Jon Lovitz really is. (Caution: There are any very dirty words)



• Key phrase in this story: "When they found her, she was rock solid frozen."



• Rogue Blimp would be a great name for a 1960's German Oompah band.

And so it begins.

The World Series begins this evening and I suspect that I might stay awake long enough to see the talking heads prattle on about nothing. I also suspect that I won't be awake by the time the first pitch is thrown because absolutely no one can stay awake listening to those guys babble on.

*

Try clicking on these:

• Key phrase in this story: "Trigger has had little to say about the matter."



• Never bring a sword to a spear fight.



• It's only a matter of time before they outlaw those things.



• I'm Batman!



• One mans trash is another mans art. And vice-versa....

Not much to say.

I enjoyed my day off today and didn't spend a lot of time surfing the internet.

That means you only get a few links:

• This was entertaining.



• And this was funny (watch the video).

The Patriots remain undefeated.

Today's game was a little interesting because it was the first time this season that I can recall the Patriots being behind in the second half. But my worries were for naught when Brady and his boys decided to start playing some serious football.

*

I got all my yard work done yesterday because the perky yet inaccurate weather chick said it was going to rain today. Today was spent getting some things done for work that I needed to finish up.

That meant I watched the game while working.

That, however, is not a problem since I'll be not working tomorrow.

*

Here are a few links:

• Key phrase in this story: "This is my dog and I'm going to sue this country,"



• Only in Florida.



• I'll allow you to reach your own conclusion as to the sex of the driver.

No baseball today.

The Royals are getting ready to host the Mets this coming Tuesday in game one of the best-of-seven-game World Series.

They'll play two games in Kansas City before heading to New York City to play three games. If needed, they'll return to Kansas City to play the two final games.

So it looks like I won't be watching any baseball until then.

Go Mets!

*

You can click on these:

• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• It's only a matter of time before they outlaw those things.

Poor Ms. Rodham

Those terrible Congressmen asked her all kinds of horrible questions about that thing that happened to those little people over in that country somewhere over there. She didn't have anything to do with that thing. She was home, in her house, minding her own business!

It's just not fair that they should ask questions like that of poor Ms. Rodham.

...

I kept waiting for her to pull that line her husband coined several years ago:

"It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is."

Here's  the bottom line:

1. She was in charge.
2. The US embassy was attacked and overthrown on her watch. 
3. The Ambassador was murdered while she was running the State Department.

As Harry Truman once said, The Buck Stops Here.

*

All I have for you are these two links:

• Key phrase in this story: "He was inside a grocery store at the time."



• Key phrase in this story: "...it wasn't hard to recognize a drunken burglary suspect..."

The Mets put Epstein in his place.

I've always had a bad attitude about Theo Epstein. Even when he was the GM of the Boston Red Sox.

It started when he put on his pussy face over his job title.

You see, he took credit for all of Dan Duqette's hard work in building the Red Sox farm system and thought that he should be called a "vice president".

When they wouldn't do that, he quit by storming out of a meeting, putting on a gorilla suit to hide his face and driving out the gate of Fenway past the media. He went home and pouted for the next several months. I'm assuming he continued to wear the gorilla suit.

Then, when the Red Sox rehired him, he went and took credit for a great trade put together by acting GM Jed Hoyer that brought Josh Beckett and Mike Lowell to the Red Sox in exchange for Hanley Ramirez.

Basically, the team that won the 2004 and 2007 World Series was built by Dan Duquette and Jed Hoyer but Epstein took all the credit.

Now he's in Chicago and he's trying to work his so-called "magic". I hope he fails.

He's a spoiled little brat with nice hair, a charming smile, a smug, holier-than-thou attitude and I for one was glad to see him go.

With that in mind, let me repeat something I've said several times over the last week or so: Go Mets!

*

Here are todays links:

• Oops.



• Only in Florida.



• Key phrase in this story: "She also told him she was intoxicated."



• Key phrase in this story: "I am the Alpha and the Omega, look it up."

Go Mets!

The Royals lost today so they'll play again on Friday.

As I type this, it's the first inning of the Mets / Cubs game and the Mets are up 4-0. I'm hoping that the game ends with a similar score.

*

Here are some links:

• Key phrase in this story: "It appears that they were both drunk idiots."



• Key phrase in this story: "Okra busts like these are good reason for taxpayers to be skeptical about the wisdom of sending guys up in helicopters to fly around aimlessly, looking for drugs in suburban gardens."



• I'm pretty certain that I would rather spend the money to buy a new one....



• Why?



• This may explain our small emergency backup dog. Nothing is safe around her.

Go Mets! Go Royals!

I'm just going to start shouting, "Go local sports franchise! Get that thing into/past/around that other thing! Beat that other sports franchise from the other city/town/state!"

*

Try these links out:

• Who dreams up these numbers?



• Yes, alcohol was involved. Also, five out-of-shape guys.



• The joys of fatherhood.

Home team advantage.

With the Mets up 2-0 and the Royals up 2-0, it looks like the home team advantage is in full play. the big question is can the Mets and the Royals win on the road?

We'll find out about the Royals tonight because they play the Blue Jays in Toronto at 8:00. As for the Mets, tomorrow night they'll be in Chicago where they will hopefully win the next two games and come home with a penant in their hands.

*

Try these links out:

• Key phrase in this story: "...the station probably should have put up a sign too."



• And the winners of the Parents Of The Year award are....



• For future reference, the best way to avoid a sobriety checkpoint is to not drive drunk.



• Are they saying this is illegal?



• Can't be any worse than our current choices....

Mowed my lawn in the snow today.

It snowed for about 15 minutes this morning while I was out mowing my lawn.

I hope this isn't an indication of things to come....

*

The Mets managed to win game one last night and tonight is game two. It's gonna be a hell of a game because Thor is pitching against Superman.

I'm really hoping the Mets win tonight and head to Chicago with a two game lead because I suspect that the Cubs fans are gonna make some serious noise during games three and four.

*

Try these links out for size:

• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• Dude! Where's my walker?



• Only in Pennsylvania.

Go Mets! Go Royals!

The Royals now lead the ALCS 2-0.

The  Mets will face the Cubs tonight. I'm hoping that tomorrow morning, when I wake up, I will find that the Mets beat the cubs and lead the series 1-0.

*

Busy day today.

Last week the fertilizer guy showed up and spread the winter feeding and lime. I've been hoping for rain ever since then but the little we got just wasn't enough. So this morning watered the lawn so that when I mow it tomorrow, I won't be picking up the fertilizer and the lime.

After that, it was over to my mother-in-laws house to put plastic on her porch screens. She likes to have some protection from the wind and snow so being the nice guy that I am, I spend a couple of hours covering her screens with plastic sheeting.

I know, I'm a nice guy.

After that, I took my wife and daughter over to the local pumpkin patch/apple orchard/winery and they picked pumpkins, bought hot cider and a nice bottle of some kind of wine.

I know, I'm a nice guy.

Now I'm watching baseball and struggling to stay awake. I'm not quite at full insomnia stage but I haven't been sleeping well the last two or three days.

*

While I fall asleep with the puppy in my lap, you can click on these links:

• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Day.



• This guy deserves the death penalty.



• You just know some desperate guy is gonna try to drop this in some girls drink...



• Oh Canada,

Go Mets!

They beat the Dodgers last night!

Tomorrow night starts the best-of-seven National League Championship Series where the Mets will host the Cubs. They'll play the first two games in New York, the next three in Chicago and the final two (if needed) back in New York.

The winner of the NLCS will move on to the World Series.

*

Tonight starts the American League Championship Series and I could care less. I've never been a fan of the Blue Jays and since the Royals are in the central division, I really don't know much about them.

Don't get me wrong, I'll still watch it but only because I'm DVR'ing the season opener of Gold Rush.

*

You can click on these while I watch the ALCS game:

• Seems to me that Ryan and Leanne have their priorities in the order.



• Hillary and Bernie are gonna have a feud over "gun violence".



• Just another case of "rollerblade violence". It's only a matter of time before they ban those things.

Go Mets!

Tonight is game five of a best of five series between the Mets and the Dodgers. It will decide who is moving on to the NLCS to play the Cubs. I am, of course, hoping it's the Mets.

Go Mets!

*

Here are todays links:

• Key phrase in this story about a truly brilliant criminal: "He was apprehended when he returned to Home Depot the next day, police said."



• Liz Sparkman is the winner of the Mom Of The Year award.



• Only in Florida.



• Add this to the list of things I won't be buying.

The NFL is a pretty screwed up organization.

They are kind of proud of the fact that no player in the NFL was arrested during the month of September.

Oh... Wait... Never mind.

*

Try these links out for size:

• Key phrase in this story: "I only have two eyes not four. I can't look at the road and the sky at the same time."



• Pffftttt... Rednecks...



• Only in Alaska.

Long Day = Short Post

This morning I was called by my son who informed me he had a flat tire and could not get the lug nuts off the wheel.

He seems to be grateful that we provided him with a AAA account.

This afternoon, I spent the majority of my time arguing with people who have no idea how something works.

All of this was right after I was told by my friend and coworker that he as prostate cancer.

Not a good day all around.

*

You might like these.

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Key phrase in this story: "What happens in Vegas...."



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Month.



• Only in Florida.

Apparently we have killer toads.

My wife was off today so she spent a good bit of time getting some yard work done. One of her tasks was cutting down the dying plants along the edge  of our patio. While she was doing this, she came across a "killer toad".

At least, that's how she described it to me.

According to her, this toad was HUGE. Yes, that's how she typed it in her text message.

So if you happen to run across a five foot tall toad, send him back my way because I'm thinking that huge toads manage to eat huge amounts of mosquito's in the summer time and I'm good with that.

And yes, I realize that Huge Toads would make a fantastic name for a 1970s rock band.

*

Here are a few links you can visit:

• Hurling Fish would also be a great name for a 1970s rock band.



• Only in Florida.



• They got some interesting bugs in Alabama.

The Dodgers have become the most hated team in baseball.

When Chase Utley decided to run past the second base bag and slide into Miguel Tehada, he committed what is known as a dirty slide.

But that's not the bad part.

This is the second time the Utley has done this to Tehada.

But that's still not the part.

The bad part is that this time, he managed to break Tehada's leg.

*

You can click on these links:

• It's only a matter of time before they ban this stuff.



• Key phrase in this story: "She also skates with roller derby team Naptown Roller Girls."



• Only in Florida. (I'm thinking this isn't going to end well.)



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• Only in Pennsylvania.

Go Mets!

The Mets beat the Dodgers last night. This is a good thing because winning the first game of a best of five series while on the road means they head home on Monday either tied 1-1 or with a 2 game lead, depending on how the game goes tonight.

I would be nice to see them head home with a two game lead.

Of course, if the Dodgers lose the series and don't make it into the World Series, you can bet that Don "Donnie Baseball" Mattingly will be out of a job in Los Angeles.

*

Here are some links:

• He's not crazy, he's just avoiding prison time.



• Only in Florida.



• Yes, yes he does.

Here we go again.

Our President is once again contemplating how to pass more laws that restrict legal gun owners while at the same time not doing anything that prevents criminals, nutcases and mentally ill people from getting their hands on a gun.

I fail to understand how imposing more legislation that makes it more difficult for me to own and use a firearm makes our nation any safer.

*

Try these links out:

• I Knew It!!!



• Only in Florida.



• Why would anyone do this?



• Pffftttt... Squirrels...



• Wait. There's a town called "Carp" in Canada?

Go Mets!

Now that the Pirates are out of it, I have chosen the New York Mets as my team of choice. I like the Royals and I think they have a chance but the Mets are kind of like the runt of the New York litter and I want them to win. If just so they can rub it into the face of their older, wealthier New York siblings, the Yankees.

I got hom ein time to catch the last few innings of the Rangers / Blue Jays game. The Rangers won and I find that to be a good thing. I always like Mike Napoli and I like seeing him play post-season ball.

Also, the Rangers still have a guy named Elvis on their team.

Tonight I will watch a bit of the game between the Astros and the Royals but I could care less about either team. I imagine I'll be flipping back and forth between the game and whatever else is on.

*

You can click on these if you want:

• Key entry from our favorite police log: "1:32 p.m. Someone at a Columbia Falls gas station caught a live bat and tossed it into a well-ventilated bucket."



• Key phrase in this story: "...he had lifted the lid of a portable toilet nearby and had been surprised to see the woman down below."



• This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?



• Key dad line from this story: "That's not a conversation I'm ready to have at four and eight years old."

I'm not sick.

My wife and daughter were feeling poorly last night.

They claim to be feeling okay today but I'm skeptical and I'm trying to avoid any contact with their germs.

Wish me luck.

*

The Yankees went One-And-Done for the American League Wild Card slot last night. Houston is moving on to play the Royals in a best of five series.

Tonight, the Pirates will host the Cubs in the One-And-Done battle for the National League Wild Card slot.

I like the Cubs but as I may have mentioned once or twice, I'm rooting for the Pirates for two reasons: I've always been partial to the Pirates and if I don't root for them, my cousin Paddy will beat me up.

She's a tough kid.

*

Try these links out:

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Researchers: Contributing to the betterment of our society or a complete waste of perfectly good oxygen. We report, you decide.



• I guess there are no restrictions on these things.



• This might explain the melting ice caps...

Man, I'm tired.

I didn't sleep very well last night and now all I want to do is fall asleep.

I do, however, want to watch one or two innings of the Yankees / Astros playoff game. Since it doesn't start until 8:00 tonight on ESPN, I'll be lucky to make it through two innings.

What I'm really looking forward to is tomorrows game between the Pirates and the Cubs. I'm a fan of the Pirates so watching them will be fun.

*

Here are a couple of links you can visit:

• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Month.



• Only in Florida.



• This is why I owned a boa constrictor.



• No thanks. I got enough problems as it is.

I'm almost ready.

Other than removing the fan blades from the ceiling fan, the porch has been closed up. The generator has been tested and moved from its summer home to its winter home. The snowblower has been made ready and tested. I will conduct several more lawn mowings, more to pick up the leaves than to cut the grass, before I put the tractor away for the winter.

All-in-all, I'd say I was about as ready and prepared for the coming winter as I can be.

Actually, after last winter, I'm really hoping that I'm over-prepared because we don't need another winter like that.

*

No baseball until tomorrow so I'm gonna catch up on my DVRs and fall asleep early.

You can click on these links:

• Those horny little leprechauns....



• Key phrase in this story: "She simply decided she didn't want to be his girlfriend..."

They clinched last place.

As I said to John, "Next season can't possibly be any worse."

John said, "It's gonna be different. No Orsillo."

*

You can click on these links:

• Only in New Jersey.



• Key phrase in this story: "So a cow is one of the options."



• Key phrase in this story: "She knows I done this to get away from her."



• Interesting.



• Ninja Bear.

I guess summer is over.

It got a little chilly last night.

My wife has been opening the heating vents and cleaning them off in preparation of the coming of cold nights. I have The Beast of a snowblower set and ready to go and I've got the generator ready for the potential power outages we seem to experience during our northeast winters.

Hopefully this one won't be as bad as last year's.

*

After last nights loss to the Indians, the Red Sox are once again tied for fourth place. If they lose again tonight, they will more than likely end up in last place behind the Rays.

I would like that to not happen.

*

We went to the Big E today and now my feet hurt.

On the up side, they will fry just about anything there. Including jelly beans.

*

You can click on these links if you want:

• Key phrase in this story: "I was a little drunk..."



• Only in Florida.

Many things to get done

Seems like I don't have a lot of time these days and today is one of those days. Work is stressing me and to be honest with you, when I got home, I'm not all that interested in spending all that much time on my computer.

I do have some links for you:

• You steal from me, I steal from you....



• Key entry from our favorite police log: "2:54 p.m. An erratic female driver was seen 'popping' up and down in her seat as she swerved down Main Street in Kalispell."



• Only in Florida.



• Key line in this story: "...suddenly, authorities detonated the suspicious packages."



• The bears of Alaska are not very polite.

Missed it by that much.

Guess I forgot to post last night's stuff.

To quote Agent 86, "Sorry about that Chief."

*

Just because it feels good to say it, I'm gonna say it:

The Red Sox are currently in third place in the ALEast and they are only two games shy of having a .500 season. They also hold the current longest winning streak (6 games) in the majors.

Hey, you gotta take the good stuff where you can find it...

So tonight there is one final game against the Yankees and then they are off to Cleveland to finish off the season with a three game series against the Indians.

I, however, will continue watching my favorite sport after the Boston players have parted ways and gone home for their winter rest because I will be rooting for the NL's Pittsburgh Pirates and the AL's New York Yankees.

Go Bucs!

*

Here are some links:

• Only in Florida.



• Apparently there is a violent hippopotamus wandering around Madison, Wisconsin.



• Now give me back my damn styrofoam cups and containers, dammit.



• People are morons...



• I'm pretty certain I'd just leave her there. She can find her own ride home...