Long Day = Short Post

Thanks to my daughter, I was able to get some Christmas shopping done today.

Well, actually, my daughter went and did some Christmas shopping for me today. I'm not really capable of finding anything that my wife likes so I rely on my daughter to help her old man out.

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This morning I had my annual physical and you'll all be glad to hear that I am an old, broken-down, perfectly healthy fat bald guy.

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You can visit these links if you like:

• Key phrase in this story: "If all 147 speakers had taken as long as Obama, their combined addresses would have lasted more than 33 hours."



• Key phrase in this story: "...he had no information on how the victim happened to get his finger stuck in the tank."

New door bells for everyone!

I finally got around to replacing the door bell buttons on both of my doors.

Several months ago, the light on the kitchen door button burned out and last year, the front door button cracked open like an egg shell. This is something that ordinarily wouldn't bother me but for some reason, it did.

So anyways, I managed to replace both buttons and then spend the rest of my day watching Marvel Comic movies and checking the scores of football games.

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Here are some links:

• Only in Florida.



• Only in New Jersey.

I need to get some Christmas shopping done

It was my intention to get my wife a new sewing machine for Christmas but it's come to my attention that giving my wife a small appliance for Christmas is probably not a good idea.

That means I now need to actually go shopping.

I hate shopping.

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Enjoy these links:

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• No, I don't want these for Christmas.



• This is why women live linger than men.

Now I know why they call it "The Turkey Trot"

I think I ate way too much yesterday but I didn't let that stop me from getting into the leftovers today.

I like leftovers. There is something about slapping turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce and a piece of cheese between two pieces of toast.

Man, that is tasty.

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I decided to use my lawn tractor to pick up the last of the leaves today and I was surprised to find grass clippings in the bags when I emptied them.

I'm kind of amazed that my lawn is still growing in late November.

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Here are some links:

• I feel bad for her but she did good.



• Can you blame him?



• Key phrase in this story: "Yea, sorry, that was me."



• Is it wrong that the first thought that crossed my mind when I read this was, "So is Springfield"?

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody

Get off the internet and go eat turkey until you look like a tick on a dog.

And thus begins my 4-day weekend.

I like 4-day weekends.

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I hope all of you folks have a great Thanksgiving.

Except for you folks from Germany who seem to like reading my spewage and don't recognize Thanksgiving. I hope you folks have a nice Thursday.

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Here are a few links:

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Completely understandable.



• Har! Tweaking! Get it?!



• Only in Florida.

Once again, I'm tired

I probably shouldn't have watched as much of the football game as I did.

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Time for a public service announcement:

There are now 30 shopping days until Christmas.

This has been your public service announcement.

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Try these links:

• Only in Florida.



• I'm kind of surprised he didn't end up dead on the floor.



• This actually sounds like a good idea. If anyone makes one, let me know.



• Only in Russia.

And the long days continue.

On the upside, I managed to get myself a new keyboard at work. My old one was pretty old and it had two problems.

The first was a tendency for the "D" key to stick and the second was a seemingly random event generator that caused the "L" key either work or not.

This resulted in emails that looked a lot like this:

Hi DDDDDDDDan,

Regardddddding your request for your project, I undddderstandddd why you needddddd the access but dddue to the recent shift in SEC reguations andddddd the focus from the externa auddddditors, dddddeivering on the request is not likey.

What is ikely is that we can certainly work to dddddefine and refine your access needddddds so as to eiminate any issues you might run into.

Give me a cal so we can chat a bit about things.

Steve

Not something you want to send off to a co-worker.

Or a cow-orker for that matter....

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Here are some links:

• Wait, does this actually say fifteen million dollars?



• Fortunately, Scotland was wearing it's seatbelt.



• Only in Florida.

Damn. It's only a 2-day weekend.

Back to work tomorrow. Fortunately, it's only a 3-day work week for me.

I like 3-day work weeks more than I like 3-day weekends.

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Here are a few links:

• You gotta love heavily-armed senior citizens.



• This is why some people shouldn't be allowed to own guns.



• Pffftttt..... Rednecks....

Nice day today

I spent a few hours with my mom and then I managed to get some things done for work. After that, it was time for me and the dogs to watch some bad television.

Trust me, there is some pretty bad television during a Saturday afternoon.

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You can click on these links:

• Only in Pennsylvania.



• Bad Lip Reading - Democrats.



• Bad Lip Reading - Republicans.

Long day today

I managed to get home around 4:30 today but I need to work tonight.

That means this has to be brief.

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Here is a snapshot of two days worth of all the junk email I receive.

I got a lot of crap...

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Here are some links:

• Key entry from our favorite police log: "6:12 p.m. A drunken man had to be carried out of the Pizza Hut."



• Key phrase in this story: "...he uses it as an unorthodox method to meet people."



• Well, I won't be staying at any Nordic Choice hotels....

Things are getting interesting.

As I've said  before, the company I work for imposes a year-end freeze on all system changes in mid-December. As we get closer to the freeze date, more and more people are showing up on my radar with things they need from me.

The problem is, a lot of these people have never contacted me before about their needs and when they suddenly discover that they need something from me, they are panicking. A lot of them are quite insistent that their project is the number one priority in the company and if I don't give them what they want right now, their project will fail and the company will go out of business.

The problem is I have a lot of experience in this line of work and I know what is, and isn't, important. I know what the company needs to keep functioning and I know what will put the organization into a bad place if it fails.

This knowledge allows me to look people in the eye, say "No" and have them go, "Oh. Okay." and walk away.

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So anyways, here are some links:

• The only thing dumber than a teenage boy is a group of teenage boys.



• I'll believe it when I see it.

It was your basic run-of-the-mill work day

Time for me to weigh in on President Obama and his handling of the people that want to kill us all.

First the man said that isis was the "JV team" and then he said that isis's influence was shrinking.

It has been my opinion that the man has said a lot of things that make little sense to your average human being and after what happened with the Russian plane and now Paris, I'm thinking I was correct in my opinion.

Our President keeps telling us that he is confident in the vetting process his administration has in place when it comes to the Syrian refugees. He said that the Syrian refugee population is made up of widows and 3-year-old orphans.

You'll forgive me if I say that I don't really believe him. I've seen the news stories of the people that are landing in makeshift boats in Greece and a significant number of them are muslim men in their 20's and 30's.

I've also seen the "vetting" process that is used in the United States and it is heavily entrenched in the politically-correct "Profiling is Bad" mindset. That means they won't pay extra attention to those 20 and 30 year old men because that might hurt their feelings.

In other words, I find it hard to have any confidence in a man who believes he and his system are infallible. I also find it hard to have any confidence in a man who assumes that 3-year-old kids and the widows aren't capable of becoming human bombs.

Furthermore, I'd like to point out that none of this falls under his job description.

He is responsible for the security of the United States of America and it's citizens, not the welfare of the Syrian people. If he is concerned about their welfare, then maybe he should set up some refugee camps in a small out-of-the-way location in Syria and provide them with food, medical care and entertainment. That way, if they start blowing themselves up, they will only be blowing themselves up, not me, my family or my friends.

The solution to the problem of people who want to kill us is not to impose stricter controls on us by taking away our freedoms. It is to prevent the bad people from getting here in the first place.

And by the way, if you think no one is plotting a Paris-like attack in the United States, you are delusional. Think of how much death and mayhem three guys with AK-47s and suicide vests could cause at the Holyoke Mall on any Saturday in December. They would love nothing more than to kill a bunch of Christmas-worshiping infidels.

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Try these links:

• Key phrase in this story: "...they were both visibly intoxicated."



• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• I wonder if they were Hot Tamales?



• Headline Of The Week.

Not a normal work day.

Despite my best effort, this turned out to be long day. That means you get a short post.

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I did manage to find a few links:

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Only in Florida.



• I don't know who this child is but good for him. I hope he overcomes any issues associated with that event.

I'm really liking these 3-day weekends.

I'm thinking that next summer, I might just take every Monday in June, July and August off.

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Here are some links you can visit:

• Well, I guess it's a start.



• I'm betting there's a Batman joke in here somewhere.



• Only in Pennsylvania.



• Researchers: Contributing to the betterment of our society or a complete waste of perfectly good oxygen?

Nice day for naps.

I took advantage of the fact that all I really had to do today was get the leaves and poop of my backyard by taking a nice little nap this afternoon.

I like naps.

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You can visit these links of you want to:

• Yes, the Japanese are insane.



• Yuck.



• Read the explanation.



• You gotta love dogs.

I love my weekends

I managed to get my leaves done but because of the wind, my lawn is once again covered.

I'm hoping the wind calms down soon.

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I didn't find very many links today.

The ones I did find are here:

• There must have been a sale.



• We're talking about $4.00....



• The only thing I have to say about this is, "No Thanks".

A third normal work day!

I even managed to get home before it got dark.

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These links are all I found:

• My question is: How did the car know to pull over?



• My dad bought me  bicycle when I was seven.



• I still think they need to eat his salary and release him.



• It's looking like some percentage of the student population at Amherst College are spoiled little brats.



• Only in Florida.



• No one likes to rake.

A second normal work day!

Two normal work days in a row at this time of the year is amazing.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't get home until after 6:00 instead of my usual 4:00 but that is still way better than getting home at 8:00.

Year end is always a tough time for us because, as I've said before, everyone has a strong need to complete all of their projects before the end of the budget year. Also, because we have a normal year-end freeze in our production environment starting in mid-December, the projects and any associated changes must be in place before then.

I like my job and I really don't mind the long hours that are sometimes required. I know I say that I want to retire soon but if I did that, I'd have to find something else to do because if I don't do something, I'll turn into a slug in a recliner watching bad soap operas all day long.

I don't want to be a slug in a recliner and I hate soap operas.

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You want to know whats wrong with our society? Want to understand why most level-headed adult Americans don't pay a lot of attention to the news?

It's because of things like this:

That is a screen grab of my google news feed as of 1:00pm today.

You will notice that of the 10 top news stories, 2 of them are about bad entertainers and none of them are about Florent Groberg.

If you ask me, it's a goddamned shame that the media spends more time and energy on a spoiled little brat who offers nothing to our society than it does telling us about a man like Florent.

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Feel free to click on these links:

• Oh crap. I'm screwed.



• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?

Finally, a normal work day.

I was able to get home at 4:30 this afternoon, let the dogs out and then feed them. Then i was able to sit down in my recliner and watch the news like your basic normal average suburban old white guy.

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I give up.

Dombrowski is spending a lot of time at the GM meetings talking about filling an outfield position.

I'm no baseball expert but I thought the Red Sox already had a fully staffed (and functional) outfield.

Don't they need pitching?

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Here are some links:

• How much of a tough guy are you if you need a gun to rob an 80 year old woman...



• Key phrase in this story about two not-so-tough teenagers: "He f*&!@n broke Barrita!"
(Warning: Many bad words)


• Only in Florida.



• Taste the what?



• Only in Florida.



• Holy crap! I didn't think they made VHS anymore, never mind Beta.

I got nothing today.

I was in an all-day meetng today.

That means I had no time for anything.

Perhaps tomorrow I will have something for you.

No time like a good time

Once again, I was not working today.

In case I haven't said this enough, let me say it again -  I really like three-day weekends.

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On Sunday night, I was watching the Broncos get beat by the Colts and I got to see Aqib Talib walk across the field and poke Dwayne Allen in the right eye.

The first thought that crossed my mind was, "WTF?"

The second thought that crossed my mind was, "Oh, wise guy, eh? Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk"

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You can click on these:

• I remember this.



• Only in Florida.



• Why?



• John Kerry has one of them.

Back yard is clean. For now.

I managed to clean up the leaves, the pine needles and the dog crap from the back yard today and I still got to watch the Patriots beat the Redskins.

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And speaking of local sports franchises, the Red Sox have begun the process of prepping for the free agent season. They are cleaning out their 40-man roster by outrighting Craig, Leon, Ogando and Machi to the Pawtucket Red Sox.

I'm really hoping this new guy, Dombrowski, is better at picking talent than Cherington was. I'm also hoping he cleans up that mess called Hanley Ramirez. I'm still amazed that anyone thought it would be a good idea to pay an infielder with a bad attitude millions of dollars to play the outfield.

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Here are some links:

• You just know the gassy guy in the lab dreamed this up.



• Excellent mug shot.



• Only in Florida.

I hate cleaning the gutters

Cleaning the leaves out of the gutters is almost as futile as cleaning them off the lawn. Give it a day and it looks like you never did it.

But now they are clean and so is the lawn.

At least until tomorrow...

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You can click on these links:

• Completely justified.



• Key phrase in this story: "I think you choose to be offended..."



• Brazil has far better game shows than we do.

One more long day.

Thank goodness I have Monday off.

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Try these links:

• Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy...



• Amazingly enough, the word "viagra" does not appear in this story anywhere.



• I will be storing several pounds of butter in my freezer in anticipation of this.

Still busy.

I'm thinking my work life is going to be busy until at least Christmas. After that, I'm on vacation for the week between Christmas and New Years.

Until then, I'll just keep plugging along.

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Here are some links:

• This just in: Kangaroos have stinky farts.



• Warning: Do not swallow the feces of a person with an intestinal pork tapeworm.



• Two words that should never be used in the same sentence: Frog Smoothie.



• If you visit the town of Auburn, Washington, watch where you step.



• Typical New Yorker.

Again with the busy day.

We're coming up on the end of the year and everyone is pushing to get their pet projects completed ahead of schedule. This tends to put a strain on us enterprise support people and usually makes for longer than usual days.

Just sayin' is all.

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The Mass Lottery Megabucks game is up to $6,400,000 and I have a ticket for the next 10 games.

Just sayin' is all.

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You can click on these if you want:

• You don't want to mess with this kid...



• Key phrase in this story: "...threatened to hurt him further with the porcelain toilet lid."

Very busy day today

I didn't really have much time to peruse the internet and look for news.

What I did find were these few links:

• This is why I don't fly with goats.



• This is why I don't drive with goats.

Okay, here's the deal.

I knew that the team that I rooted for would lose the series because that's the way things go for me. No matter who I root for, they lose.

By rooting for the Mets, I effectively dictated the outcome of the series and handed it to the Royals. That, my friends, is not a bad thing.

I like Ned Yost. He strikes me as the kind of guy that will spend his morning making sure the electric fence isn't grounded, his afternoon fine tuning a hunting rifle and his evening at the local victualers enjoying adult beverages with his buddies.

In other words, he reminds me of one of my uncles.

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Got this picture from Chris.

It contains the truest statement ever made about our current society.

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Links are here:

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• The world is filled with a-holes.



• Only in Australia.



• Stonehenge Time! Party Time!

Three games to one isn't good.

If the Mets lose tonight, it's all over for them.

Tonight's game is a "win or go home" game. If they win tonight, they head back to Missouri where the Royals will once again have their home field advantage.

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You can visit these links:

• Only in Florida.



• Pretty soon, I'm going to have to add an "Only in Connecticut" category...



• This is what happens when you get your medical advice from convicted Serbian felons.



• It's the old "I was too drunk" defense.