And the winner is...

...steamers and lobsters.

*

My youngest and his girl friend went to Northampton to attend the festivities and watch the fireworks. They'll leave Northampton around 6:30 and head to Worcester where my youngest and his band will perform for a large group of revelers.

Hopefully they make it home from Worcester sometime before 4:00 this morning because I hate getting woken up early.

*

Now I am going to watch RED 2 while trying to stay awake until at least 10:00.

Before I forget, Happy New Year.

*

Here are a couple of links:

• Key word in this headline: "...again."



• Something tells me that this study was conducted by drunks.

I'm going to be missing these naps.

I know I said that I'm ready to go back to work this coming Thursday but I am definitely going to miss these afternoon naps.

*

I took The Dog for a walk today and I couldn't help but notice that there are a lot of robins flying around my neighborhood.

Either these are Canadian robins who migrated south to Massachusetts for the winter or they are retarded robins who don't understand the concept of winter migration. I'm not sure which one they are but I guess I'm going to have to pass on that whole, "Look! It's the first robin of spring!" thing that everyone seems to do in April.

*

We are planning our New Years eve dinner and my daughter has suggested lobsters.

I like the way my daughter thinks.

*

Here are some links:

• Father of the Year.



• The first thought I had when I read this was, "So what's the big deal?"



• Key phrase in this story: "As he’s ascending to the throne, he wants to make sure it’s his throne."



• Nice. Real nice.

The vacation is winding down

I am beginning to look forward to returning to work. I have been out since December 20^th and it's about time for me to get back into the swing of things.

Besides, I've been looking into my email on occasion and it's up to "a shit load" right now. That means there are a lot of people who are looking for me to do a lot of things.

*

You may find these links to be satisfactory:

• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• It's the old, 'Tell them we were victims too!' defense.



• It's the most wonderful time of the year.

Christmas is now officially over for us.

Today was spent at my brothers celebrating Christmas with my family. That means the Christmas season has come to an end for us and we can now look forward to planning our New Years eve celebration.

I'm thinking that my New Years eve will be the same as always: Sitting at home, watching a bunch of singers I've never heard of sing songs I've never heard of while trying to stay awake long enough to see a ball drop onto the roof of a building surrounded by thousands upon thousands of people who are slowly freezing to death.

*

The highlight of my day was watching my nephew show off his new toy.

My brother-in-law and myself both decided we are getting one...

*

You can visit these links of you would like:

• Grandma of the year.



• It's the most wonderful time of the year.



• It's the most Wonderful time of the year.



• Only in Florida.

Nice slow day

I have five more days of not working ahead of me and it is my intention to take complete advantage of those days.

*

These links are for you:

• It's the most wonderful tie of the year.



• Only in Florida.



• Key phrase in this story: "you are a depreciating asset".

Things are looking good.

Things with my mom are looking better and better.

The staff met with us today and indicated to us that she has improved quit a bit. They are scheduling a home evaluation to see how she does in her own place. Once that happens, we make a decision as to when she can return home and start living a normal life again.

It's been a long few weeks for her and we would all like to see her back home, comfortably ensconced in her recliner.

*

So the guy across the street from me went out and burned $6.00 worth of gas to snowblow the ½ inch of light, fluffy snow off his driveway.

The man is either as lazy as a sack of sponges or he just ain't too bright...

*

Here are today's links. See if you can detect the pattern....

• Only in Florida.



• Only in Florida.



• Only in Florida.



• Only in Florida.



• Only in Florida.

It's Christmas Day

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas.

I think we got everything

And if we didn't, oh well.

It'll still be a good Christmas.

*

I spent most of today watching Ken Burns 'Baseball' on the MLB network. Because of that, I didn't really have a lot of time to surf the interwebs looking at news and such.

I hope you all had as good a day as I did and I hope you all have a great Christmas.

*

Here are a few links you might like clicking on:

• Only in Florida.



• Meet Patience Beard, the newest member of the A-Team.



• This is what I want for Christmas. Think I'll get it?

One more day till the "Big Day!"

That's right my friends, there is one more day until the Big Day.

At 8:00 pm on December 24th, TBS will begin airing 24 hours of the greatest story ever told: A Christmas Story. We will turn TBS on one of our television and it will remain on until we get bored or my wife asks us to please turn it off.

My boys and I will spend the day driving my wife crazy by walking around and saying things like:

"BUMPES'ES'ES!"

"You'll shoot your eye out kid."

"The snap of a few sparks, a quick whiff of ozone, and the lamp blazed forth in unparalleled glory."

and my personal favorite:

"Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex...."

*

Here are today links:

• It's the most wonderful time of the year.



• Only in New Jersey.



• Only in Florida.



• Attention criminals: If you are going to be breaking the law, you should dress appropriately because you probably don't want to look like this in your mugshot.

My Christmas shopping is now done.

At least I think it's done....

I guess I won't know until Christmas day and all of the presents have been opened.

*

Here are some links you might enjoy:

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Key phrase in this story: "...they jokingly call 'Lorena Bobbit' cases."



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal Of The Day.



• It's the most wonderful time of the year.

Welcome to the shortest day of the year.

Today is the winter solstice and, as I say every year at this time, if you are a druid please refrain from sacrificing any virgins.

Thank you.

*

I actually started my Christmas shopping.

That's right, I went to some actual stores and purchased some actual merchandise that I will give to my actual wife for Christmas.

I am, as always, the good husband.

*

Here are a couple of links:

• Seems to me this means there will eventually be fewer drug dealers.



• Chuck Norris says, "Merry Christmas!" in his own little way...

Today was my final day of work for 2013.

I am now on vacation until January 2nd but for the next few days, my plan is to get some Christmas shopping done. That means I might not have a lot of time to do any interwebbing.

Like today....

*

I went to see my mom today and while I was battling the traffic on Boston Rd. I noticed this in front of me:

The thing that struck me was, how many trees or barrels of oil were used to create all those "Save The Planet" bumper stickers? I mean, there's at least a tree worth of paper there.

Hippies: They ain't too bright....

*

I did find a few links you might think are kind of interesting:

• Key phrase in this story: "I don’t want to sound like an old man!"



• Key phrase in this story: "Instantly I knew something was not right, I just knew."



• Dogs - You gotta love 'em....

We now have four additional people in our house

Our three offspring are now with us along with my daughters best friend who is kinda one of our kids but her parents pay all her bills.

My daughter has been home long enough to settle in, get her wisdom teeth removed and start working at her job. My youngest son spent an extra week with his college buddies but that week is now up and I went up and picked him up today. My eldest son decided to come home and spend a few days with us.

Along with the kids, we also have a plethora of creatures that my daughter (and her friend) have parked in our house. It is my belief there are three hamsters, a gerbil, a chinchilla and a guinea pig all living in my house. This is in addition to the two cats and The Dog.

It's an interesting place, this house of ours...

*

Here are a few links you might like:

• Pffftttt.... New Yorkers.....



• I guess they really like tacos in Michigan.



• Oops....

Interesting day....

I got up this morning all excited because I had an appointment to finally get my new tooth. Once that tooth was glued onto the implant, I would once again be able to eat Fritos or Doritos or any other hard, sharp food-like object without wincing everytime a shard got jammed into my gum.

I went out at 7:00 to clear my driveway. I cleared half the driveway, started my car (which is not in the garage because I let my daughter keep her car in the garage when she's home) and let it warm up while I cleared the rest of the driveway.

Once the driveway was done, I moved my car over so I could get the leftovers and that was when I noticed the 18inch crack in my windshield:

So hey, guess who is getting a shiny new windshield to go along with his shiny new tooth.

*

No, I did not hit the Mega Millions. As a matter of fact, my string of "not getting a single number" remains unbroken.

*

Here are some links:

• Brilliant! Simply Brilliant...



• Only in Florida.



• Also only in Florida.

I just realized I never posted the December 15th update

Oh well, it wasn't all that good. Something about the talking heads being wrong about the 8-12 inches of snow and no links because I was tired.

There's a shock - I was tired.

*

And speaking of no links because I was tired: - In the spirit of the Christmas Season, John and I got together to partake of adult beverages at the local victualer last night. That means that I was late and intoxicated when I got home. It also means that I am hungover and tired today.

There's a shock - I'm tired.

*

Try these links out for size:

• It's the happiest time of the year....



• It's the happiest time of the year....



• It's the happiest time of the year....



• This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs (and alcohol). Any questions?



• Key entry from our favorite police log: "9:52 p.m. A drunken woman called from Bigfork to describe her boyfriend’s drunken activities."



• Michael Heller is what we sarcastically refer to as a "rocket scientist".

Long Day = Short Post

Truth be told, I went out and had some beers with John.

The last thing I want to do right now is type up a bunch of drivel. Or surf the interwebs for silly stories.

In other words, I'm done.

Let it snow.

The Beast is fueled & ready to go and the generator is fueled & ready to go. I have at least 12 gallons of gasoline so no matter what happens, I can at least have a hell of a bonfire if need be.

And now that I think about it, with that much gasoline, I can probably start the snow on fire if I have to...

*

Not much else to prattle on about so hows about you visit these links:

• Has this guy never heard of the internet? As Boomhauer once said,
  "Yea man, I'll tell you about that danged old internet. You just go on there and point. Talkin about www.com and you got them danged ol' naked chicks on there. You go click, click, click, click, click. It's real easy man."



• What a loving family....



• Only in Georgia.



• Someone has a lot of free time on their hands.



• Whoa.



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.

Long Day

Today was the day we began the aforementioned migration.

We drove to Keene, NH and retrieved some of our youngest sons "stuff". He's staying there for a few extra days to do whatever 20 year old kids do when they aren't in school.

Then we drove up to Burlington, VT where I loaded all of my sons "stuff" into my daughters car, added some of her "stuff" to it and headed home. My wife and daughter headed into Burlington to do some Christmas shopping. I anticipate their arrival in the very near future.

As for me, I'm comfortably seated in my recliner, watching "Worlds Dumbest Criminals 14" while The Dog naps on his bed.

*

I did manage to find these links:

• Yes, alcohol was involved. Also, fishnet stockings....



• Only in Florida.



• He went to Jared.



• Mom of the Year....

The migration approaches.

Soon, my offspring will begin the winter migration back to their ancestral home and engage in the process known as "vacation". At least one of them (my daughter) will spend some time helping me, a guy with little or no taste, pick out and wrap some presents for my wife.

That last part is a key part of the whole Christmas deal because my wife probably wouldn't take too kindly to me handing her a bunch of crumpled-up bills and saying, "Here you go honey! Go get yerself something purty!"

That would make it, as Steve Martin once said, "...a disappointing Christmas on many levels."

*

Try these links out for size:

• Psssttt, buddy, wanna buy a candy bar cheap?



• It's the happiest time of the year!



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.

Only 66 days until spring training.

Just sayin' is all....

*

I had a busy day today so I don't have much to say.

I did manage to find some links:

• Hey, give the guy a break. It's hard to distinguish between chicken and meth...



• Okay, you gotta admit that this is funny.



• Almost every item listed in this story involves focusing on the mental health of individuals and intervening before there is a problem.



• I spent hours playing this game.



• Turns out the French might be just a little uptight about their french fries.



• Oops.



• Key phrase in the caption for this video: "...unwavering 'support' from my wife..."



• Even though it doesn't say it, I'm betting alcohol was involved.

In case you hadn't heard,

Nelson Mandela died.

Seriously, this is starting to get a lot like 1975 when Generalissimo Francisco Franco died.

*

When I first read this story, I was immediately reminded of this story.

I was fully prepared to cast my usual disdain on how our society is bipolar and school administrators are a bunch of non-thinking robots, blah, blah, blah.

Then I read this story...

*

Links are here:

• This is a terrible story that backs up my assertion that there are some truly evil people in this world but I can't help but ask, "What's up with the chicken?"



• I've been to Texas. They really love their tacos down in Texas.



• I know some guys that would have found that thing really fast and it's head would have ended up on someones man-cave wall...

Lots of running around today.

I didn't have a lot of time for interwebs so today is one of those days where you get nothing.

*

Oh, okay, quit yer whining. Here are a few links:

• It's that time of the year again.



• It's that time of the year again.



• Key phrase in this story: "...taking his 3-foot-long pet snake with him to the pet shop to pick up her dinner wasn't a good idea."

The Dog has a new neighbor

Our neighbors are now the proud owners of a brand new shiny puppy and this afternoon, The Dog made her acquaintance.

The Dog is a large, stocky, male who takes no crap from anyone and he usually exerts his dominance over other dogs he meets by standing tall and towering over them.

If it's a large dog and they get aggressive, he will let them know that is unacceptable behavior.

If it's a small dog, he'll ignore its aggressiveness and continue to stand tall. For instance, this morning he met two small dogs. One of them was barking and tried to nip him in the face. He turned and stared the dog down and let out a little growl. That was enough to let the other dog know to back off and it was enough to let me know that it was time to move on.

This afternoon, when he met his new neighbor, he reacted to her like I want him to act. He sniffed this little puppy and then he let her sniff him. There were no hackles shown, the tails kept wagging and he kept looking at me to make sure he was being a good boy.

He is a good dog and I suspect he will have a friend for a while because this puppy may be small now but she's got some pretty damned big feet. And if you know anything about dogs, you know what that means....

*

Here are some links:

• Only in Florida.



• We don't pay cops enough....



• I'm confused: She didn't want him seeing her naked so she chased him through the store while she was naked.



• Apparently there really is a legal sate of intoxication known as 'super drunk'. I wonder if they also have a legal definition for 'major asshole'?

Small update today

We woke up this morning to find a half inch of snow on the ground.

My wife said, "Get the snow blower out!"

She's funny that way.

*

I visited with my mom this morning and then spent the afternoon getting some much-needed stuff done around the house.

Tonight was our neighborhood Christmas party and a good time was had by all.

*

Try these links:

• This made me laugh like hell.



• Dogs are way nicer than cats.



• Only in Pennsylvania.



• Apparently The Dog is a student of Doctor Mohler.

Busy, busy, busy

While I'm still spending my time doing things other than surfing the interwebs, I do find myself with a few minutes this evening so how about a quick update to my world.

*

My mom has been in the hospital since last Tuesday which is what is causing me (and all of my siblings) to be busy. I try to visit with her at least once a day, sometimes twice.

As a family, we are all hoping that everything turns out for the best for her.

To quote Forrest Gump, "And that is all I have to say about that."

*

This coming weekend is our neighborhood Christmas party so we're looking forward to that. It's always fun but I suspect there may be a little bit of melancholy since one of the couples that hosts the party are the folks who's daughter was murdered out in Boston this past spring.

Dennis and Cindy seem to be doing fine but the holidays are difficult for them and while I'm thinking that "fun" isn't on their list of things to have, they will put on their best face and display the grace and dignity they have always shown.

*

Here are some links:

• Must have been one hell of a sneeze.



• Key headline: "Stolen prosthetic arm discovered in a second hand shop..."



• Key phrase in this story: "It was a non-stab-proof vest..."



• I can tell you what they are made of - They are made of a substance called "Silent Prolonged Death".

Still busy

And it's not looking like I'm going to have any free time until next year.

Kinda busy today.

I've had to do some running around in the evenings and it looks like that is going to continue for the next few days.

That means that for at least the rest of this week, postings will be almost non-existent.

Sorta like today's posting...

My recliner misses me.

Man, this working thing is hard. I guess during my vacation, I got used to relaxing and stretching out in my recliner for a nice afternoon nap.

Oh well. In two more weeks, I'll be doing it all again.

*

Turns out I have to head out for the evening so this ends today's post.

*

I found these links:

• Key phrase in this story: "...Tripptree had distinguishing marks on his genitals."



• Key phrase in this story: "...he reportedly tripped the man, who fell face first into cow manure."



• This is kinda cool.



• Finally, something good from the TSA.

Back at work and...

...planning my next vacation.

I still have twelve and a half days left in my vacation pool and I can only carry over five days so I have to use seven and a half before January 1st. I'll be taking four of them on Christmas week plus the following Monday and Tuesday. I still have a day and half to burn off so I'll probably use that to drag my daughter out Christmas shopping. I hate shopping and I have no taste so I make her go with me.

I bring the money, she brings the good taste.

*

Just in case you were interested, there are now only 75 days until February 15th. That, my friends, is when pitchers and catchers report to spring training. Let's hope the Red Sox have a catcher by then....

Fifteen days after that, or 90 days from now, on March 1st, the Red Sox will play the Twins in their traditional kickoff to the spring training series.

Thirty days after that, or 120 days from now, on March 31st, the Red Sox will travel up to Baltimore to play the Orioles in their first game of the 2014 season.

If you didn't already know it, I'm kind of a baseball fanatic and I look forward to the season.

*

Try these links:

• Apparently Wisconsin is where all the really horny people go.



• Ball-squeezing Irishman would be a great name for a 1980's Boston Pub band.

Traffic sucks....

My eldest spent three hours driving from Wilbraham to Boston because the MassPike was a parking lot.

My daughter spent her normal three and a hours driving to from Wilbraham to Burlington, VT so she didn't run into a lot of traffic.

I spent an hour and forty five minutes driving from Wilbraham to Keene, NH to return my youngest to his institution of higher learning but the drive home sucked.

Oh well, I'm home now.

*

I talked to Pat and all seems well with him. They still don't know the root cause of his recent problem but they seem to have it controlled and he is spending his time getting ready for Christmas.

*

You can visit these few links if you would like:

• First you have to worry about the TSA fondling you and now you have to worry about someone stealing your stuff.



• Key town name in this story: "Wormleysburg"



• Meet Lois Kennedy, the newest member of the A-Team.



• Well, I guess that's one way to do it.