Things didn't quite go how I planned....

Turns out that my plan to read some news and collect some links today was a massive failure.

I ended up watching baseball and consuming adult beverages.

Oh well....

I spent my entire day listening to music.

Today was the Keene Music Fest and we went up there to listen to my son's band.

Turns out they have quite the following and I have some pictorial proof:

Tomorrow, I will have some links and some news for you. Tonight, I'm going to fall asleep.

You can go do whatever you want to do.

I kinda wish I had taken today off.

Man, what a nice day. I went outside at 1:30 this afternoon to take a walk and my first reaction was, "Wow, this is the perfect weather."

I'm hoping every day next week is like this because I'm on vacation.

That's right folks, I'm going to be not working all next week so eat your heart out Pat...

Oh, wait, you're retired. Never mind.

I'm going to be not working all next week so eat your heart out John...

Oh, wait, you're out on injury. Never mine.

I guess I'm going to have to just accept the fact that while I'm not working, Pat and John are also not working.

*

Here are a few links to click on:

• The people of Toronto are probably going to re-elect this guy so that should give us an indication of how the average person views drug addicts.



• Scroll to the bottom to find the worst drivers....



• When I think "fine dining", Denny's is not the first place that comes to mind...



• Key entry from our favorite police log: "6:49 p.m. A Bigfork woman called 911 to see if it really worked."



• Only in Florida.

Long Day = Short Post

Too much to do and not enough time.

Here are some links:

• If I have to chose between the accuracy of the weather service or the almanac, I'll go with the almanac every time...



• Key phrase in this story: "Wild said his pants had fallen down because they were loose."



• Heavily armed drunks on lawnmowers. Only in Florida...

American jihadists....

We won't profile people and fit them into specific threat categories because we are afraid that will offend them. We have convinced ourselves that offending someone by scrutinizing them a little more than anyone else is far worse than being blown up by some guy with a scaggly beard and a turban.

What the hell is wrong with us...

The government estimates that there are approximately 100 American citizens, with American passports, fighting with the jihadi extremists. That's 100 potential suicide bombers who can move in and out of the United States uncontested.

And we pull little old ladies out of line at the airport and subject them to strip searches.

What the hell is wrong with us...

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Try these links:

• Justice is served.



• I have this sudden urge to check the two rooms we have closed off....



• Here's your Kinda Naked Guys In The News story.

Holy Crap! They won!

The Red Sox managed to eke out a win last night! Can you believe it?!?!

So now, instead of being 19 games out of first place and 15 games out of wild card contention, they are only 18 games out of first place and only 14.5 games out of wild card contention...

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Today was one of those extremely busy days so I didn't have a lot of time for news.

Here are some links:

• Key phrase in this story: "How does it feel to be taken down by a mother of five and a grandmother of three?"



• Screw this. I want my damned flying car. When I was a kid, I was promised flying cars in the 21st century. Where are they? I think I was lied too...



• Key entry from our favorite police log: "8:54 p.m. A man on Greenridge Drive heard two gunshots. However, he didn’t think the shots sounded very “gunish,” maybe more like a nail gun. He didn’t know."

Man, this work thing is cutting into my vacation time....

I'm back at work for a full week and I gotta tell you, it's exhausting.

Fortunately, I'm off next week.

I love having too much vacation time.

*

Here are some links:

• Here's a thought: How about you don't put poison in a container labeled 'food'...



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• If I understand our politically-correct society, I believe this is called 'profiling'.

Aaaaand we're back...

Looks like the sporadic outages that Charter was experiencing yesterday evening made the news. The company released a statement saying they were aware of the problem and working to fix it.

As much as I appreciate the fact that the problem isn't localized to just me and it wasn't my equipment that failed (no guy ever wants to say his equipment failed), I want to know why I'm paying for something that I'm not getting.

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As I said, we spent yesterday at a hippie-filled music festival up in HippieVille, USA.

Here some visual evidence:

The boys had fun and the crowd seemed entertained.

Or maybe the crowd was fully-baked....

Either way, everyone was happy.

*

The Red Sox continued their "We kinda suck" streak by losing. Again.

They are now at least 18 games behind the Orioles and in no position to earn a post-season spot. Hell, if they keep going at this rate, they'll start next season in last place...

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Here are some links:

• What the hell....



• I'd say "Only in Florida" but you know this crap happens all over the place.



• Only in Florida.

I was surrounded by hippies....

We went to a music festival to see our youngest play. It was in Gardner, MA, or, as I like to call it, HippieVille, USA. There were about 100 people there and 98 of them were wearing tie-dye t-shirts and hemp fanny packs.

I sent John a text telling him where I was and he said, "Smell that funny aroma in the air?"

I replied, "Yea - cheap beer and B.O."

Those people need to learn to bathe.

*

My internet has been less than cooperative this evening so I don't really have any links for you.

Hopefully Charter gets its act together by tomorrow morning because I NEED MY INTERNET!!!

Brain Dump Time

This global warming has gotten so bad that for the first time in recorded history, I took my air conditioners out of my windows before September 1st. Well, not all of my air conditioners. There is still one sitting in my family room because I hate being hot.

How come Al Sharpton isn't in Chicago talking about the 20 murders that occur there each weekend?

I have a car that is old enough to get its learners permit. My youngest son is driving it around New Hampshire. It's been through 4 drivers, been T-Boned once and it hit a deer. Hence the name "The Deer Hunter".

How come Al Sharpton isn't in Detroit talking about the little kids getting murdered while sleeping in their beds or while riding their bikes home from the store?

How come Rick Harrison doesn't fire Austin "ChumLee" Russell? Is it because ChumLee is the most popular member of the cast?

Who is Rusney Castillo and will I know all about him in the next few weeks?

Two months ago, Netflix sent me the movie Man OF Steel. I just found it in a drawer. Do you think they missed it?

*

Okay, that's enough of that.

Here are some links you can click on while I eat some dinner and then watch Rusney Castillo's new team:

• This is the kind of thing that should happen everywhere, not just in Florida.



• Attention criminals: If you are going to be driving around with marijuana, an AK-47, a dog and 50 chickens in your car, you should probably drive safely.



• Is that Ronald McDonald standing behind Superman?

Busy day off.

I'm taking today and tomorrow off because, well, I can.

Since I'm a good dad, I took my daughters car in for service this morning so she got to sleep in and enjoy her day off.

Then I changed my cell phone plan so we are now sharing data instead of each of us having a fixed amount. I noticed that my wife and I never use anywhere near the 2gb we are allocated. As a matter of fact, each of us barely uses 500mb of data. My daughter uses just about 1gb of data so between the three of us, we might use 2gb of data each month,

My son, however, constantly uses his 2gb and would probably use more if the system didn't send him warnings at 1.5gb telling him to slow down.

Now, with the new plan having a total of 6gb available to all four of us, we shouldn't have any issues because he can use his 2+gb each month and the rest of us will still have plenty to use.

Oh, and it's probably going to be less expensive for us as well.

*

You can click on these if you want:

• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Day.



• He didn't deserve to be punched in the face. He deserved to be shot in the face...



• Pfffttt... French...



• Here's a thought: If you are going to get paid to appear on a tv show called "Dating Naked", you should expect to end up naked on tv.

Man, today was busy.

I managed to get some breakfast at 7:00 but starting at 8:00 this morning and going until 4:00 this afternoon, I was in meetings, presentations and discussions. I did squeeze a little lunch in there but not much.

So what does that all mean to you?

Nothing except I don't have very much in the way of news or links.

*

Try these out:

• Key entry from our favorite police log: "10:49 a.m. A woman on Solberg Drive complained that the neighbor’s cat is irritating, lawless and has an unhealthy fascination with her chickens."



• They sound like a loving family.



• Attention Alanis Morissette: This is ironic.



• Apparently you can't "Drink and Segway" in Norway.

Long Day = Short Post

Jimmy is back and I'm trying my best to make sure he is comfortable and functional.

Oh, and then I also have to do my own work...

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You might find these interesting:

• Bummer. I always liked him.



• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• I realize I'm probably going straight to hell but I couldn't help but laugh when I read this.



• You only did it when you were hungover? Oh, well that's okay then. Move along.



• Key phrase in this story: "...mobsters aren't what they used to be."

We continue to bomb Iraq.

And I also understand we now have an additional 130 "Advisers" in Iraq, bringing the total number of "Advisers" to just under 500.

Considering the president made it clear that he wasn't going to allow any "boots on the ground", I'd say we got a few boots over there.

Maybe they aren't touching the ground. Maybe they are standing on chairs.

*

Try these links:

• Someone should tell Jefferey that if he wants a date with a woman, he should try a different approach...



• Key phrase in this story: "...she loves giraffes."



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• Here's this episodes Brilliant Naked Criminal of the Month.

For a brief shining moment

I thought the Red Sox were on the verge of a winning streak but it wasn't to be. They didn't just lose today, they lost huge.

The Astros (who have a worse record than the Red Sox) managed to stomp the Sox and split the series 2 games apiece.

Oh well.

*

Here are a few links:

• Key entry from our favorite police log: "11:32 a.m. A cat on Whitefish Stage showed its people the dead bat if found."



• There's an image I would like out of my head right freakin' now.



• Only in Florida.

I have seen the future of MLB....

....and her name is Mo'ne Davis.

Man, that little girl can throw a baseball. She's 13 years old and she has a curve ball, a breaking ball and a 70 mph fast ball. Oh, and she can hit as well.

If MLB is ever going to allow women into it's exclusive club, they should start by talking to Mo'ne, her teammates and her mom.

This is a young girl who is going to be a great athlete one day.

*

Try out these links:

• Up in Alberta Canada, they have goals my friend. Big goals....



• Only in Florida.



• I think the ALS bucket challenge just became a wet T-Shirt contest...



• Spoiled deer. (Make sure your sound is on)

Are we under seige?

After looking at all the recent pictures of what is going on in Ferguson, Missouri, along with other events that depict the police as an occupying army, I have to ask, "Are we, as a citizenry, under siege by our own local governments?"

This picture should bother you.

If you are a cop, it should really bother you.

A lot.

Police are not tasked with controlling the populace through the use of sanctioned force. They are tasked with upholding the laws of the state. That means watching for someone breaking the law and then arresting them.

Last time I checked, we, as a people, had the right to protest. Specifically, the First Amendment states,

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."

As police officer, you are sworn to uphold the Constitution, not oppress it.

I don't pretend to know what happened in that town and I am certainly not on the side of violent mobs destroying peoples lives but when I see a guy dressed in fatigues sitting atop an armored vehicle pointing a scoped rifle mounted on a tripod down a suburban street with a McDonalds sign in the background, all I can think of is the movie Red Dawn...

Call your congressmen and senators and tell them to stop the pentagon from distributing military hardware to local police departments. If the government is going to limit the types of weapons I can own then they should limit the types of weapons they have.

*

Here are some links:

• This just gets better and better...



• So that's what, 866 years from now? Better start packing.



• Only in Florida.

Back at work.

Man, there are a lot of people that want me to do things for them and some of those things take a lot of my time.

I guess that's a good thing because if no one wanted me to do things, I wouldn't have a job.

I need my job...

*

I'm going to watch baseball while you click on these links:

• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Day.



• Welcome to Massachusetts were we seem to have a lot of rich people who are morons.



• Only in Florida.



• Key phrase in this story: "...ensure that this type of incident could not happen again."



• Key lie in this story: "...the fish are happy to swim into the tube themselves." How do they know the fish are happy?

Long Day = Short Post

I was supposed to be on a vacation day today but I ended up spending 8 hours in a strategy session with my team.

You would think vacations would not involve work....

*

So anyways, I spent no time looking at news or finding links.

Oh, okay. I did find a few links:

• Presenting this episodes Unlucky Criminal of the Day.



• This is why Brazil will one day be the center of the universe.



• Here's an interesting headline.

He is now tonsil-free.

After 20 years of strep throat, severe allergies and throat abscesses, my youngest finally had his tonsils removed today. And while he is not overly thrilled right now, I expect that he will soon discover that his throat will now behave itself.

And that, is a good thing.

*

In the "When it rains, it pours" department, our refrigerator started acting up last week and, as luck would have it, our freezer chest started acting up this week.

Guess it's time to call a repair guy which could turn into time to buy a new refrigerator.

*

Here's a picture of a dog who was stung by a bee:

I hope you found it as funny as I did...

*

I'm going to watch the Red Sox play baseball.

You can click on these links

• My son, the musician, envies the music of my generation. He says we had the best music. What he doesn't know is we also had some pretty funny comedians.



• And if you haven't seen this yet, you should. Apparently it's great.



• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• This sounds almost as bad as battery with an empty sock.

Days off are nice.

I need to take at least one week off each month for the rest of the year or I will lose some vacation time at the end of the year.

I decided to take today, tomorrow & Wednesday off and then next week, I'll take Thursday and Friday off. That will give my week off for this month.

*

On a different note, I attended a wake today for the son of a friend of mine.

I hate wakes normally but I really hate wakes when they are for the child of a friend of mine.

It's not right. No one should outlive their children.

No one.

*

No Red Sox game today. They are on their way to Ohio to play the Cincinnati Reds which means we get to see the new guy, Kelly and the other not-so-new guy, Workman, swing baseball bats.

It's weird watching an American League pitcher bat because they aren't very good at it.

*

Try these links:

• Well, this sucks.



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Week.



• Only in Walmart.



• Yuck...



• This is why I don't live near the ocean. These things never wash up in Wilbraham.

Nineteen innings is a lot of innings

The Red Sox and the Angels played two baseball games on Saturday night and I didn't get to see either one of them.

Actually, they only played one game but it was a little more than two games long.

In the end, the Red Sox lost which is usually what happens to the visiting team when a game goes that long. Particularly if they have traveled out of their normal time zone.

In the case of the Red Sox, the game ended at 12:30 Pacific Time which means it was 3:30 in the morning for the boys from Eastern Time. They were probably falling asleep in the dugout between innings.

As for today's game, it only lasted nine innings and the Red Sox managed to win it.

Too bad they couldn't win games back in June or July when it kind of mattered.

*

Here are a few links:

• Only in Florida.



• Here's your Naked Floridian Guy In The News.



• Key entry from our favorite police log: "9:20 a.m. An intoxicated man on Highway 35 in Kalispell reported that his girlfriend is with has been keeping company with an “idiot.” He wondered if a deputy could retriever her."

I'm enjoying the Little League World Series

ESPN has been carrying the Little League Regional's and I've been watching as much of it as I can. The damned Red Sox are out on the west coast so last nights game wasn't on until 10:00 and tonight's game isn't on until 9:00.

I gotta get my baseball fix somehow and Little League is the only dealer on the block.

*

You might enjoy these links:

• Only in Florida.



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Florida Criminal Of The Day.



• Turns out it's not just the Jersey girls that are dumb. Jersey guys aren't to bright either.



• If you watch one news video from Canada, make it this one.

Another one bites the dust.

We had another member of our happy work group retire today after 32 years of service.

In order to back fill for his work and particular skill set, I called a friend of mine and said, "Hey, want to do some consulting work for a few months?"

He said, "Sure. Why not."

By the way, the guy that I called to do the consulting work retired from our work group about 5 years ago and he's about 10 years older than the guy he is replacing.

The more things change, the more they stay the same...

*

So I guess we're dropping bombs in Iraq.

Again...

*

Give these links a shot:

• Key phrase in this story: "I stand there and pull out a pie and slowly start eating eat as I stare back at her."



• Only in Florida.



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• Pffftt... Rednecks....

Long Day = Short Post

Too much to do and not enough time.

Catch you tomorrow.

Fifteen games out of first place.

The Red Sox are now 15 games behind the Orioles and there are only 50 games left in the season.

Just sayin' is all....

*

Does anyone else think we might have crossed a line with this stuff?

Why is it suddenly against the law to leave a kid by himself for an hour?

How was his welfare endangered?

Did she leave him alone in a gun store or a knife factory?

Did she hand him a bag of razor blades to play with or a bottle of rat poison for a snack?

*

Try these:

• Key phrase in this story: "Mom gave them each a glazed doughnut."



• Key phrase in this story: "Breland told detectives he didn't see the flashing blue lights behind him, hear police sirens and didn't know how handfuls of cocaine landed all over his car."



• Ouch.



• Only in Pennsylvania.



• Key headline in this story: "I made possibly the world's worst decision."

Attention all you "political activists"....

It's people like you that are generating the current wave of anti-gun legislation in this country.

Stop prancing around and showing off your firearms around like some bizarre Remington pedophile. If you really were a responsible gun owner, you would be responsible enough to not scare the bejeezus out of little girls, you flaming sack of dog crap.

*

You might like these:

• Key phrase in this story: "Weird, very weird."



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• It's the old 'put a dead koala in the driveway' situation.



• This is why I don't play golf anymore.

It's quiet. Almost too quiet...

You know that 'calm before the storm' thing people keep talking about? I think the storm is about to hit at work.

Rumors are swirling around that our team is going to be broken up and we're all being shipped to new teams.

Then again, there are a lot of rumors floating around and the folks sharing that particular rumor have never been known for their connections or their accuracy.

Still, it is awful quiet and things are going along a little too smoothly.

Smoooooth like a car that has left the road and is currently airborne...

*

The links are here:

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• America, stay strong. We can get through this if we stand together.



• After seeing the pictures in this story, I have come to the conclusion that they don't have strict vehicle safety standards in China...



• I can't say anything about this because I'm pretty certain I would have done the same thing when I was six.

Not much today.

The Red Sox game is on at 8:00 because, as I've said before, ESPN is a bitch.

*

Yesterday was spent sending small pieces of lead 100 yards down range and killing milk jugs filled with water.

Trust me, if' you've never done it, you should. It's cool.

*

Today was spent cutting my lawn and sweating like the proverbial pig. My guess is I managed to pick the most humid part of the day to work in my yard.

*

Try these links out:

• There are dumb criminals and there are really dumb criminals. Then there's this guy...



• And now that car really needs to be cleaned...



• Don't make Eleouise angry. You won't like Eleouise when she's angry.

Jon Lester does not look happy.

Lester was never a guy who smiled from ear-to-ear when he was in front of the camera but the look on his face during his introduction to the Athletics media was not good. And Jonny Gomes didn't look any happier.

They both looked very unhappy to be there.

I kinda feel bad for those guys.

*

Here are some links:

• Only in Florida.



• It would be much more interesting if it was something other than your feet.

Singing in the rain

I stopped at Stop & Shop on my way home to pick up a few things for dinner. Unfortunately, when I walked out of the store and headed for my car, mother nature decided let loose with a significant downpour.

That was when I did my best Gene Kelly imitation and ran like hell for my car while ranting something to the effect of, "that singin' and dancin' in the rain thing is pure bullsh!t"

*

I'm preparing myself for the lineup I'll see for tonight's ball game.

I suspect that Cespedes isn't going to make it in time to play because he's coming in from the west coast.

The Red Sox DFA'd Mike Carp so hopefully he finds a home somewhere soon.

They also called up the Betts kid to play the outfield.

I haven't quite figured out what to think about the Betts kid. He looks like he's about 12 years old and every time I see him, all I can think about is the 10-12 little league team I coached a decade ago.

I guess I'm getting old...

*

Try these links:

• Attention citizens of Indianapolis: Avoid highway I-465.



• This whole "middle-east peace process" ain't going very well, is it...



• If you still need proof that our species is a little more than slightly retarded, look no further.