Nope, still not a Powerball winner.

And if the stock market keeps doing what it's doing, I'm never going to be a retiree either.

*

Here are some links:

• Attention children everywhere: If you ever do anything like this to me, I will activate the Bill Cosby Doctrine.



• Oh Canada.



• This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?



• Bony-Eared Assfish would be a great name for a 1950s Dick Tracy bad guy



• Key phrase in this story: "...it might have been a bitey snake."