Where is Don Novello when you need him...

The whole "Live from the Vatican: The Resignation of Pope Benedict" thing is all well and good if you're interested in that kind of thing but I gotta tell you, kids these days got it tough. When I was a kid, we had the great Don Novello on Saturday Night Live portraying his alter-ego, Father Guido Sarducci.

There was a guy who knew funny when he saw it. And if it wasn't really funny, he would figure out how to make it really funny.

For those of you who don't know who I'm talking about, let me give you these two quotes from Father Sarducci's website:

On The Last Supper:

It was actually a brunch. The check (discovered by Sarducci himself) reveals that one guy only had a soft-boiled egg and tea, while everyone else stuffed themselves. But when the bill was paid, it was divided equally. The moral: "In groups, always order the most expensive thing."

On The "Missing" Commandments:

There were actually more than ten, but Moses was old and grumpy, and after he broke the tablets he could only remember the negative ones. "Don't do this. Don't do that." The truth is, most of them were more like advice. The Twelfth Commandment, for example, was "Whistle while you work." (People think its from Disney, but Disney stole it from God.)

Trust me, if he was doing television today, we would all be laughing our asses off.

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Here are some links:

• Best White House petition ever. And by the way, if you'e never gone to the White House petitions web site, you really should visit it and see that we have a lot of crazies living amongst us....



• Welcome to Chicago where not only won't we let you have a gun, we're gonna teach your 5 year old how to have sex.



• It's the continuing story of the amazing "Florida Man"!!!



• It's looking like Crazy Hugo might be joining up with Krazy Kim any day now.

Senioritis

My eldest tells me that he has a bad case of senioritis. After being in college for six years, I can't say that I blame him.

Hell, if I had been in college for six straight years, I'd not only have senioritis, I'd probably also have a raging case of alcoholism.

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Here are a few links you might like:

• It's brain-dead morons like "Florida Man" that give all of us gun owners a bad name.



• This could be cool. I hope that NASA is going to send an observatory to Mars to watch this.



• They found Snookie!!!



• It's only a matter of time before they outlaw those things.

We are fast approaching March.

March is one of those months that is highly unpredictable. You never know what the damned weather is going to do. One day will be a calm, sunny 60° and the next day will be a windy, raw, freezing rain 28°.

I can't wait to see what the terrified little chihuahuas over at the weather channel do with this...

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My new rig:

So far, things are going okay. I haven't lost it. I haven't forgotten it and I haven't dropped it.

Hopefully things continue this way.

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Links are here:

• Oh great. First they get nuclear weapons and now this...



• Speaking of things that can't possibly end well...



• WE ARE THE FRENCH, you silly American pig-dog. We fart in your general direction.

Let the finger pointing continue!!!

Here's a thought: Am I the only one that thinks the word sequestration sounds an awful lot like castration?

So the federal government is once again locked in the throes of a ideological battle between the republicans and the democrats and before I get too deeply into smearing them both with the bullshit they seem to like to throw around, I would like to point out that they were once the same party.

Now that we are all in agreement that it doesn't matter what party is doing the talking.

But that's not what I came here to tell you. I came here to tell you that the total budget cuts that will come about because of the so-called sequestration is $85,000,000,000.00. That's 85 billion dollars. Out of a budget of $3,700,000,000,000.00. That's 3.7 trillion dollars or 3700 billion dollars.

If you do the math, you will find that 85 billion is about 2 percent of 3700 billion.

I find it kind of interesting that the Obama administration thinks that the 2 percent of the federal government we don't need is the made up mainly of the Food and Drug Administration.

I guess they can't possibly cut anything from the 3 percent of the federal budget that is labeled as "discretionary spending"...

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Here are some links you might like to click on:

• Here's your Naked Guy in the News story.



• Our society has finally reached a level of total idiocy. We need to flush the whole thing and start over again.



• Oh great. Now we have to worry about giant goldfish. What's next? Killer guppies?



• Key phrase in this story: "We suspect fowl play."



• I can't help but wonder if maybe there might be frostbite on some parts that should never get frostbitten...

Sure glad I moved my snow blower....

Once again, the weather channel tried to terrorize us with the fact that we occasionally get snow here in New England.

They failed miserably with their predictions about WINTER STORM Q!!!!

I guess Q stands for Quit.

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The media is having a ball with the pending federal government funding cuts.

They are really pushing the fact that the FDA will furlough (aka, lay off) federal meat inspectors. One news program did a series of "Man on the Street" interviews where everyone they talked to said the same thing, "It frightens me that the food supply may no longer be safe because the republicans want to cut the budget."

In the first place, the democrats had just as much to do with this "sequestration" thing as the republicans did. The only people that think this is a republican thing are morons who fail to actually pay attention to what is going on.

In the second place, why will there be cuts to the FDA's food inspection program, a program that benefits the entire population of the United States? Why won't there be cuts to, oh, I don't know, maybe something that benefits only a small group of people like the free cell phone program?

How come the government, either federal, state or local, always cut the things that the tax payers need yet they never cut the things that the non-taxpayers feel they are entitled too?

Just askin' is all....

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Here are some links:

• I can hear the guards now, "Oh, sorry. We, huh, forgot you was there. Yea, that's it. We forgot."



• Here's your Naked Guy in the News.



• Only in Florida.