Two more years for Koji

The Red Sox signed a two year, $18 million contract today with their closer, Koji Uehara.

Some folks are going to say that's kinda nuts. The man is almost 40 years old which means he'll be pitching in the playoffs when he is 42 years old.

I say those folks can just be quiet and see what happens.

The man my be on his last leg but he has those moments of brilliance that seem to make him invincible on the mound. I see no reason to doubt that he won't continue to have those moments.

I also fully expect that I will say things like, "What the hell were they thinking when they signed this washed out guy!"

Either way, they now have two more years with a closer they are familiar with. That isn't necessarily a bad thing.

*

I read an article on NBCNews that essentially said the cops got lucky when they captured that slime-filled pussbag coward in Pennsylvania yesterday.

To the writer of that article I say, "They managed to find him in 3,000 heavily-wooded acres of land. I bet you couldn't find a man in 3 partially-wooded acres of land."

It's not easy finding someone in the woods. Specially someone who doesn't want to be found. To say they got lucky is damn near insulting to the LEOs that slogged through those woods, stalking a man who had already proven himself a decent shot and who hated cops. Those folks must have sensed cross-hairs on their backs every time they went out to search for him.

Being at the abandoned airfield to spot him was not luck. It was an assignment. Some commander told those guys to search that airfield and that's how they found him. It's not like they were out for an afternoon stroll.

*

Here are some links you can click on while The Dog and I hand out candy to semi-disguised children:

• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Year.



• Key phrase in this story: "I'm glad you're still there."

Damn.

Why is it that when I pick a team to back, they lose. I really thought the Royals were going to win last night.

Oh well.

Anyone know when pitchers and catchers report? I think it might be right around February 14th.

Guess I'll just have to wait until then.

*

Here are some links:

• Apparently the phrase "congress of salamanders" applies to something other than our federal representatives.



• Only in New Jersey.



• Key entry from our favorite police log: "3:25 p.m. A 10-year-old boy called 911 to report that he was grounded and stuck in his room. The boy was safe in his room, but suffered the loss of his cell phone."

Update:

Thank God.

GO ROYALS!

Tonight is game 7 of the World Series and it's going to be a brawl.

Both teams know this is the last game of the season and no one is off limits. I expect the see Madison Bumgarner in the game at some point simply because he's been the one pitching both time the Giants stomped the Royals.

I'm really hoping the game goes the same way it did last night when, after five innings, it became very clear that the Royals were going to win that game. I turned the game off after five innings and fell sound asleep, secure in my belief that when I awoke and checked the score, I would see the results I saw.

*

Here are some links you can click on while I fall asleep watching what I hope is some really good baseball:

• Here's a Not Brilliant and Not Lucky criminal.



• It's the old, "Just checking to see if it was waterproof" defense.



• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Worlds most embarrassed criminal.



• Tesco and the Peppa Pig would be a great name for a 1980s porn movie.

Thank God for Jonas Salk.

If you went on Google at all today, you noticed that today is Jonas Salk's 100th birthday.

My generation was the first generation to get the polio vaccine and as a result, my generation was the last generation to deal with polio.

My dad had a friend who had polio. His name was Mr. Clark and my dad called him Click Clark. I'm not sure what his real first was because everyone called him Click Clark.

I didn't realize it until after my dad died so I never got to confirm this but I think they called him "Click" because of the sound his braces and crutches made when he walked.

Mr. Clark was a hell of a nice guy and my dad went to visit him quite often. I can still remember where he lived (Bowles Park off Roosevelt Ave near the Chicopee line) and I have very vivid memories of his car. It had no gas or brake pedals but it did have a lot of levers and knobs on the steering wheel.

Mr. Clark had a tough life without the use of his legs but he soldiered on and was successful in his endeavors.

But that's not my point.

My point is that we, as a species, erect monuments to people who lead us, people who fight wars, people who inspire us but we don't erect monuments to people who save us.

There should be a monument to Jonas Salk. His birthday should be celebrated with more fanfare than the Fourth of July. There should be poems and songs about him.

The man eradicated a disease that shattered the lives of everyone it touched. And trust me, it touched a lot of people. We are frightened by ebola but ebola got nothin' on polio. In the 1950s, thousands of people died every year in the United States alone and tens of thousands of people were left with some form of paralysis.

Don't even ask what was going on in Europe, Africa, Asia and the Middle East....

You should all say thank you to the memory of Doctor Salk. Without him, there is a pretty good chance you either wouldn't be here or your nickname would be "Click".

*

You might like these links:

• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• You gotta love dogs.



• Only in Pennsylvania.



• How did they arrive at the number 21?

All is not lost.

The Royals are down 3 games to 2 in the series but they are returning home today. That means tomorrow they stand a pretty good chance of tying the series.

I like the way they play and I'm really hoping they take the last two games to win the series.

Go Royals!

*

Enjoy these links:

• I'm pretty sure the mug shot says it all.



• Face tattoos are a sign of poor decisions.



• And this is what makes the Bruins a decent group of guys.



• Only in Florida.

Damn.

The Royals lost last night.

They had the lead for the 5 innings I watched but apparently after I fell asleep, the Giants figured out how to use their bats and hit the ball pretty well.

Tonight is the final game in San Francisco and I'm hoping the Royals head back to Kansas City with a one game lead in the series.

*

On another baseball note, Mo'ne Davis threw out the ceremonial first pitch before last nights game.

She throws like a girl....

*

Enjoy these links:

• Only in Florida.



• Aren't most city councils made up of these?



• Key entry from our favorite police log: "7:57 p.m. A man with a significant history of bad behavior accidentally called 911. He was advised to take care of his warrants."

Go Royals!

They won again last night and are now up 2-1 in the series.

Tonight's game should be interesting because I'm betting that the Giants aren't happy about losing at home and will be looking to kick a$$.

I'll watch as much as I can but since I did a lot of yard work today, I'm tired and probably won't last very long. What can I say, I'm old.

*

Here are a couple links you can click on while I watch baseball:

• Every police department should have a pack of wild coyotes.



• Yes! Wait, what?

Baseball tonight.

Go Royals!!

*

In other baseball news, Joe Maddon has up and quit the Rays.

I suspect that the Rays are about to have a fire sale with their talented players (Longoria) and Maddon didn't want to have any part of it.

Then again, Maddon is kind of a dingbat and maybe he just decided he wanted to start a lucrative career in the retail food industry.

*

Here are some links:

• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Week.



• I've said it before and I'll say it again: If you are going to wear a disguise you should at least wear a good disguise.



• Maybe she deserved it...



• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Key phrase in this story: "...he thought it was OK..."

Wow. The Royals kinda did great last night.

They kicked the Giants a$$ 7-2.

Lets hope tomorrow night goes even better.

Go Royals!!!

*

Here are some links:

• Only in Florida.



• Only in New York City.



• What the hell was he doing with 500 pai.... Oh. Never mind.



• Let me see if I got this straight: Ebola comes into the country without so much as a glance but they're all over the hand-drawn panties. This is what we are paying them to do? Confiscate women's underwear?



• Here's a headline I bet you never thought you'd see.



• Key phrase in this story: "...resisted arrest by sitting down."

Wow. The Royals kinda sucked last night.

The Giants kicked their a$$ 7-1.

Lets hope tonoight goes a little better.

*

Here are a few links:

• Key phrase in this story about todays Brilliant Criminal of the Month: "...an offer she refused."



• This should be interesting....



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.

Baseball tonight!

The World Series starts tonight and I will stay awake to watch at least two innings of it. Then I will fall sound asleep and read about it in the morning.

Hey, it's what I do.

*

While I sleep and watch, you can click and go:

• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• It's the old, "extreme shopping" defense.



• Alabama is making a run at the "Most Corrupt State" but they got a long way to go to catch Massachusetts and our three convicted House Speakers.



• Only in Florida.



• Key phrase in this story: "Sims repeatedly masturbated while in the interview room despite numerous warnings from deputies to stop."

Nothing to say.

I went back to work today and, boy, do I wish I was still on vacation.

But I'm not. That means no nap for me today.

That means I'm ready to fall asleep.

*

Here are a few links:

• Only in the Middle-East.



• And the people of Belarus rejoice....



• So I guess that is the end of that. The butt end....

I'm ready for winter.

Today was "change the oil" day at The Daily News World Headquarters. I changed the oil in my lawnmower and my snowblower.

I'll probably use the lawnmower a few more time to pick up leaves but it's going to its winter rest with fresh oil in it's crankcase.

The snowblower fired up on the first pull and, with its crankcase filled with fresh oil, I am ready for the snow to fly. Not right away mind you. I don't want another repeat of the October storm thing.

And in case I never mentioned it, you can bring used motor oil to AutoZone and they'll recycle it. I find that much better than doing what we used to do which was dig a hole in the woods and pour it in...

All is well with the world.

*

I have to go back to work tomorrow.

Feel free to feel bad for me.

*

While I continue suffering through my baseball withdrawal, you can click on these links:

• If you are going to wear a disguise, wear a good disguise.



• Mom of the Year.



• I'm not sure about the "DIE" part.



• Here's another great YouTube.

I lost my post.

I posted a treatise about how I have good timing by getting everything done, including mowing my lawn, just before the rain hit but when I tried to update it and fix a typo, I somehow managed to delete it.

It wasn't so much about how I have good timing as it was about how my dingbat neighbor has terrible timing. And he also doesn't pay attention to the sky because that storm rolled in slowly. I saw it coming about 10 minutes before it got here. He, however, was still trying to get his leaves up off his lawn when it hit.

He was soaked. So was his leaf blower.

It was funny watching him run while pushing his leaf blower up a slippery hill to his shed during a major downpour.

Dingbat....

*

Here are a few links:

• Only in America.



• Only in New Jersey.



• Only in Massachusetts.



• Only in Florida.

What the hell????

FOX sports has added David Ortiz to its World Series pre-game panel.

I'm hoping they've also added someone who can interpret what he says because I have never been able to understand him when he talks.

To me, he sounds like a drunk Mexican who recently suffered a stroke.

*

I would like to report that no one I know has ebola.

Also, no one I know has SARS, bird flu or swine flu.

*

The World Series starts on Tuesday with the Giants traveling to Kansas City to play the Royals.

Go Royals!!

*

Pat contacted me to let me know that despite his retirement, he is very busy.

He is painting and doing some repairs on his old house in preparation to put it on the market and finally divest his holdings in the city of Springfield.

John contacted me to let me know that he is returning to work soon. His expectation is that his doctor will release him from his non-working status either this Monday or Tuesday.

*

You might enjoy these links:

• Key phrase in this story: "...officers got to the suspect first."



• The headline says it all.



• Key entry from our favorite police log: "6:59 p.m. Numerous reports were made about a joyfully drunken man in a Ford Explorer who was dancing in his seat, waiving his beer can around, and shouting “cheers” at other drivers."



• Those crazy Italians...



• Isn't this the idiot who changed his name to ochocinco.



• Only in Florida and only with my favorite judge, John Hurley.

I went to work today.

We had a team gathering today to discuss the future, I figured it would be a good idea to be there. If I wasn't there, I probably would be assigned all the work....

*

It was a long day.

This is all I have for you:

• Stay classy England. Stay classy....



• Key phrase in this story: "He has now earnt himself the nickname Spider-man."



• I've only known three people with a spinal injury and none of them ever recovered. Hopefully therapy and science is changing that.

Go Royals!!!

The Royals swept the Orioles this afternoon and for the first time since I got married, they will make an appearance in the World Series. The last time they were in the series, it was 1985 and they won.

So all I have to say is, Go Royals!

*

I finished the fifth and final knife today.

I've already posted a picture of a completed knife but here's what I start with:

In that picture, I've cut the rivets and removed the old handle, exposing the tang of the blade. As you can see, it's not a straight line and it's in kinda tough shape. The "not a straight line" part required that I create a filler to fill in that part and the "tough shape" part requires that I sand it to remove the old gerb or whatever it is.

Here's a picture showing the filler and the tang after I apply the epoxy and clamp them to the first piece of wood:

Here's a close up of the tang and the filler with the epoxy:

After it dries, I sand the filler down to the same thickness as the tang. Then it's just a matter of gluing the other piece of wood on and waiting for it to dry.

Once it's good and dry, I take the scroll saw to it and give it the initial shape. Then it's time for a lot of sanding (mahogany is damned hard wood) to finalize the shape and smooth it so a human can use it without getting slivers.

The last step is a liberal application of mineral oil to make the wood waterproof and give it a little depth.

As I said to my wife, they look homemade and no two of them look the same but they look a hell of a lot better than they did before.

She thinks they look pretty good and won't let me put them in the dishwashers. That means I have created something I have to wash by hand.

And I'm okay with that.

*

Enough about knives, let's go look at some links:

• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminals of the Month.



• As I said back on October 8th, anytime the government tells us to remain calm, it's time to become very concerned and prepare for the worst.



• Key phrase in this story: "But as they tried, Seybold awoke, slammed on the gas and struck the police vehicle stationed in front of her car."



• Only in Florida.



• Is that a sausage in your pants or are you just glad to see me?



• Is that a felony or a misdemeanor?



• Only in a Walmart in Florida.

Yep, still on vacation.

I'm busy making knife handles. Three down, two to go,

I can't imagine doing this without a scroll saw and an electric sander. If I didn't have those two tools, I'd have a bad case of carpal tunnel syndrome by now.

*

Let me remind you that I am on vacation.

I'd remind Pat but he's retired so his week consists of 6 Saturdays and a Sunday.

I'd remind John but he hurt himself and is out injured so his week consists of 6 Saturdays and a Sunday.

So I guess I'll just remind you - I'm on vacation.

*

I'm going to make some dinner and then settle in to watch some baseball.

Go Royals!!!

While I do that, you can click on these links:

• This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?



• Only in Florida.



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• Key phrase in this story: "...you left the house in a neat and tidy condition and from that I infer they feel some sympathy for you."



• I'm not sure if Gronkowski is a brilliant teammate or a complete moron...

Did I mention I'm on vacation?

In case you are interested, I am once again on vacation. A week with nothing to do but sleep late, run some errands and try to keep the leaves off my lawn.

I love being on vacation.

*

The Royals are up 2-0 in the best of 7 series against the Orioles. They are in Kansas City at 8:00 this evening and I'm hoping the Royals go to bed tonight with a 3 game lead.

As for the NLCS, that series is currently tied 1-1. The Cards have their work cut out for them tomorrow since the game is in San Francisco.

So all I have to say right now is, Go Royals!!!

*

Here are today's links:

• Key entry from our favorite police log: "11:47 p.m. Another grown man reported that his mother took his car keys."



• It's the old, "I was visiting family" defense.



• We don't pay cops enough money....



• It's the city of brotherly love...



• I'm pretty sure Photoshop is involved in this picture.



• Key phrase in this story: "Jenny and I called him Mr Curly."

Long Day

This is a special time of the year in western Massachusetts.

It is the time of the year when all of the trees go on a murder spree, kill off all their leaves and scatter the bodies on our lawns.

It is also the time of the year when elderly people from all over the country attach their Ford Expeditions to the back of their 40 foot long bus/campers with a tow bar and drive north in the left lane of Interstate 91 at 62 mph.

To those people, I would like to say,

Pardon me my good man, but I believe you'll find that the leaves look better from the right lane. As a matter of fact, I'm willing to bet they look even better from the side streets.

Well, that's not what I really want to say to them.

What I really want to say to them is, "GET THE F&*K OFF THE ROAD FER CRIPES SAKES!!!!"

My wife and I took a ride up to Keene today to deliver some furniture to our youngest and we had to share the road with hundreds of "peepers".

Those people are annoying as hell...

*

Here are a few links:

• Key phrase in this story: "I cannot imagine why, for 17 years, police didn’t visit his home, because they would’ve found him there."



• I find it hard to believe that this did not happen in Florida.



• Stay classy Pittsburgh. Stay classy....

Number 2 is done.

Twenty nine years ago we were given a great set of steak knives for a wedding present. I really liked those steak knives and I continued to like them even after someone accidentally threw one away and we were left with five knives.

Unfortunately, 29 years worth of washing caused the handles to basically rot away and we were left with great knives with crappy, ill-fitting handles.

After giving it a lot of thought and enlisting the assistance of my youngest, we came up with a method to replace the handles.

Here is the first attempt:

The handle is made out of mahogany and it's been polished with food-grade mineral oil. I'll put a few more coats of oil on it tomorrow and it will be ready for the drawer.

The second one has it's first coat of oil and is almost ready for it's second.

This is going much better than I anticipated.

*

Here are some links:

• Yer Honor, my client is a dwarf. It's just that the drugs worked really, really well on him.



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Week.



• Key phrase in this story: "...people either seem to love it or hate it."



• Apparently hawks don't like drones.



• I'm betting this probably smelled pretty bad.

Very Long Day

Today was spent on a team outing that, to be honest with you, was a lot of fun.

We went to Boston, took the duck tour and then had a late lunch at Abe & Louie's.

I recommend both the duck tour and the restaurant.

And if you decide to take the duck tour, ask for Flo. She made me laugh out loud for the better part of the entire 80 minute tour.

*

So now I'm home and I'm ready to watch some baseball.

Go Royals!

Here are a few links:

• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Day.



• Only in Florida.



• Finally, a reason to buy a 3D printer.

Nothing to see here.

And I'm betting there will be nothing tomorrow as well.

You all go have an enjoyable couple of days.

Remain calm....

I have learned during my 50+ years on this planet that whenever a government starts "urging the people to remain calm" it's time for the people become very concerned and prepare for the worst.

You should listen to what the government is telling you and you should follow the suggestions the government is making but you should also be prepared to take care of yourself and your kin. The government isn't going to take care of you. The government is going to take care of the government.

Every emergency plan that the government has ever put in place involves saving the government. All the bunkers, the medical facilities, the airlifts, the tunnels, etc... are in place to be used by members of the government and their families.

There are no plans in place to save us, the lowly citizens. There are only plans to save the government.

You should make your own plans.

Just saying is all.

*

Here's a link or two:

• Only in Florida.



• Ozzie's little girl had a bad day.



• Only in Florida.

Long Day = Short Post

I am falling behind on two fronts: The homework that I'm supposed to be doing to help me pass the certification exam I want to take in November and some coding I'm trying to get done at work.

This means I am busy, busy, busy...

*

Here are some links:

• The man is a jerk. Now he is defending a guy who lied, entered the country and exposed 50 to 100 people to a deadly disease.



• Only in Florida.



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• There's a "championship" for this? I did not know that...

Go Royals!

As much as I would have liked to have seen the Red Sox or the Yankees in the post-season, I am pretty happy to see the Royals go on to the ALCS. The last time they made it into the playoffs, it was 1985, I was freshly married to my lovely wife and the Royals won the World Series by defeating the Cardinals 4 games to 3.

They will be playing the Orioles with the first game this coming Friday.

In the meantime, if I want to watch baseball, I'm stuck with watching the NLDS. If I had to pick someone I would like to win the National League, I guess it would the Cardinals. I don't care about the Giants and I don't like the Dodgers or the Nationals.

So Go Royals!

*

You might like these:

• Those crazy Japanese are at it again...



• In professional sports, you use whatever skills you have to help you win.



• Okay people, here's your Tip of the Day: "If you are going to buy a television at Sears, go inside to the television department and talk to one of the sales people."

Kind of an interesting day

I got a lot done today and now I'm watching the Orioles and Detroit play baseball.

You can visit these links:

• She doesn't look like the Victoria's Secret type.



• Oops.



• My first question is, "Why do you want armpit hair?" My second question is, "Why do you want green armpit hair?"



• Our school administrators in action.

My grass is green

That grass seed I planted last month has sprouted and it's now an official lawn. I still have some dead spots but those will have to wait until spring.

The trees are turning yellow, red and brown which tells me fall is here and pretty soon I will be raking leaves. Those of you that know me know that raking is one of my least favorite jobs.

*

Here are some links:

• Key entry from our favorite police log: "4:15 p.m. A man on Begg Park Drive was seen waving both a can of bear spray and a golf club in the air. He put them away when a deputy pulled up."



• I've seen Alison Kraus and I can say without any hesitation, she doesn't look anything at all like Alison Kraus.



• At least he dropped the pastry.



• Only in Florida.



• I wonder if she found any?



• Huh?



• Uhm, okaaaay.....

Busy day again.

Not much in the way of rantage today. I was kind of busy and now I'm going to watch some post-season baseball.

Go Royals!

*

I did find a few links:

• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Day.



• So are they saying this is okay?



• Only in Florida.



• You gotta love Bald Eagles.

Time for some rantage...

Let me see if I got this straight:

Me, an American citizen, who wants to fly from one American city to another, can't carry four ounces of shampoo or a set of toenail clippers in my carry-on and I have to take off my shoes and possibly submit to strip search, but this guy, a foreign national, can bring in a disease that kills with impunity?

Tell me again why we have the T.S.A.? Tell me again what they are protecting us from?

*

What I find interesting is that the Bush administration was constantly called out by protestors and the media when there were civilian deaths but all of a sudden, because it is the Obama administration, it's okay?

Basically, our government just announced that they are going to murder innocent people without being at war and that's okay with them.

And by the way, just because the president and his press secretary have said it's a war, I would like to remind you that only Congress can declare war.

This is not a war, it is a defensive punitive action designed to intimidate and eliminate a group of thugs.

I hope we succeed and I hope we wipe out isis but more importantly, I hope we return my country to the rule of law called the Constitution.

*

You might like these:

• Where were these teachers when I was in high school?



• I am the eggman. They are the eggmen. I am the walrus. Koo koo ka choo.



• What? Are they saying pulling a knife on your dentist is wrong?



• Hah!



• Lets face it, Persistent Beaver would be a great name for anything...



• Hah!

In case you are wondering....

I don't trust the CDC, the Governor of Texas, the Congress or the White House. I believe they will tell us what they want to tell us and we have no way to prove they are wrong.

Having said that, let me say this:

After reading several news stories about the guy who recently decided to emulate the US Government and bring ebola into the United States, I think it might be time to stock up on ammo.

It was this particular news conference that really caught my attention.

The paragraph that should make everyone pay attention is:

Officials said five students at four different schools, two elementary schools, a middle school and a high school, had had contact with the patient over the weekend. They are currently being “monitored” at home, but are not quarantined. The schools are still open.

So if the disease is inside one of those kids and that kid manages to spit, sneeze or bleed on a few of their classmates, what happens?

I don't know about you but my plan is to assume the worst, hope for the best and be prepared to protect and defend my family.

Call me parnoid if you want but hemmoragic fever is one of those diseases that seems to spread quickly and is quite deadly. For those of you that don't know what it does, let me tell you it isn't pretty. It basically disolves the internal organs and turns the person into a bloody sack of diahhrea.

That is not on my list of ways I want to die.

*

Now that I've spread cheer and joy amongst you, what say we go look at some links:

• Man, the Secret Service isn't having a good month, are they...



• I'm betting alcohol was involved.



• Only in Massachusetts.