Lots and lots of laundry.
*
This is why I never eat sushi.
Have I ever told you about my theory that the Japanese have been playing a giant practical joke on us since the end of World War Two?
I imagine a Japanese family - a mom, a dad and two children - sitting around the family dinner table.
There is a beautiful meal of roast beef, mashed potatoes, peas with onions and maybe some green beans because the little one doesn't like peas.
They are all using forks, knives and spoons to eat their meal off of normal 12 inch round dinner plates. They all have on shoes and are seated in normal dinning room chairs at a table that is a normal 32-36 inches from top to floor.
After the meal is finished, the father tells his children to sit quietly while he explains something to them. He reaches under the table and comes up with a rectangular piece of wood. On it are four globs of something the children have never seen before.
He says, "Children, as you are aware, the United States defeated Japan in a war back in the late 1940s. We suffered terribly in that defeat but our emporer remained strong and proposed a new strategy to help us overcome the sting of their victory."
"He secretly ordered that all Japanese must forever tell any American that they happen to meet that we never wear shoes indoors, we always sit on the floor to eat and we use little sticks to shovel food into our mouths."
"He also dictated that we convince the Americans that we eat seaweed wrapped around cold rice and raw fish. He told us to tell the Americans that we dip the disgusting mix of seaweed, rice and raw fish into a substance that is made up of industrial waste and corn starch. He said we should tell the Americans we call it wasabi and we use it to 'add extra flavor'."
"Children, as a society, we have been following the emporers dictate for the last 70 years and in that time we have convinced the Americans that this is how we live."
"Since they are a gullible people who like to follow the latest fad, they have adopted most of these so-called 'Japanese practices' and they are now paying exorbitant prices to our countrymen for this thing called sushi. It has reached a point where the stupid Americans will pay $20.00 for twenty five cents worth of seaweed, rice and raw tilapia."
"Our plan is to drain the U.S. economy and continue to buy all of their properties until one day we will own their country outright without ever having to fire another shot."
"That, my children, is how we will win the war and it is your duty as subjects of the emporer to pretend that we all live that way."
*
You might like these links:
- Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Day.
- Only in Florida.
- Our federal government in action.
- Key phrase in this story: "Police are used to unusual calls."
- Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.
No comments:
Post a Comment