Whenever the terrified newscasters (TNs) start announcing that there are millions in the path of a storm, the government goes into hyperdrive and begins to do what governments do best - flail and run around.
The first thing they do is gather as many stern and dour-looking people (SDLP) as possible in a room and then they put the highest-ranking official (HRO) in front of them. They point cameras at the SDLP and the HRO. Next to the HRO is the Designated Flailer (DF):
The HRO proceeds to looking solemnly & sternly into the camera and reads a prepared statement explaining that there is nothing to fear because the government has things well in hand while the DF flails away.
Basically they are saying that we, the lowly and unintelligent masses (LUMs) should not leave our houses because we have no idea how to handle the snow/rain/wind that is coming our way. Only the government officials (GOs) and TNs know what to do. The rest of us are idiots who will die the minute we touch the snow/rain/wind.
This is a relatively new phenomenon. I'm not entirely sure why it started or how it started but every time it snows, this process takes place.
When I was a kid, that never happened. When it was going to snow, this guy told us it was going to snow:
There was no HRO, no DF and no SDLP, just John Quill.
John would say things like, "It's going to snow. We might get between 2 and 20 inches. Make sure you have your snow chains on your tires." He never mentioned schools being closed, he never said anything about staying home and he never told us to stock up on milk and batteries.
All he ever told us was what he thought it was going to do without any embellishment, no flailing and no intervention from the government.
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The Red Sox managed to beat the Astros today but not without a cost. Chris Sale was struck in the hip by a line drive in the first inning and they took him out of the game.
It looks like he is okay, just a bruise. This is a good thing because losing him would be bad.
Very bad.
In other Red Sox news, they traded Marrero to the Diamondbacks today.
This is a good thing for Marrero, the Diamondbacks and the Red Sox. The Diamondbacks get a great infielder, Marrero gets to play a lot more baseball than he would have with the Red Sox and the Red Sox no longer have to decide what to do with both Marrero and Holt.
Now they just have to wonder what to do with Holt.
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I'm being creative and building a dog door for the Small Emergency Backup Dog. This task involves wood, power tools, various adhesives and swearing.
While I continue that, you can work on these:
- Presenting the winner of the Father of the Year award.
- In case you were wondering.
- And if you're wondering what spot on the earth the Chinese satellite is gonna hit, wonder no more.
- Oh Canada.
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