No flying today

Because of the 50 mph wind gusts, my instructor decided today would be a good day to refrain from being thrown around the sky and we opted for some ground school instruction instead.

We spent some time talking about the various classes of air space and what each means to the private pilot. Basically, air space is categorized by the density of air traffic within it.

• Class A airspace is above 18,000 feet. All flight in class A is instrument, not visual.
• Class B airspace is high density airports like Chicago, New York and Boston.
• Class C airspace is smaller airports like Bradley, Albany and Providence
• Class D airspace are small, tower-controlled airports like Westover and Westfield.
• Class E airspace are small airports that are uncontrolled (no tower) and airspace between 1,200' and 18,000' outside of the boundaries defined by class B, C or D.
• Class G airspace is any airspace below 1,200' outside of any class B,C,D or E airspace.

All of my training so far has been from a class E airport (Northampton) within class E airspace above Deerfield.

We also talked about the various nuances of airspeed, pitch, flaps, etc... and their impact on controlling the aircraft. He emphasized that we would be doing a lot of practice on stalls, landings, turns and climbing.

He said anyone can fly straight and level in calm winds but to be a pilot, you need to learn to fly in New England where we never have calm winds and nothing is straight or level.

I wish we had flown but the talk was good and it cleared some things up for me.

As I was leaving the airport, I was treated to this little parade of turkeys.

*

Try these links:

• Key statement in this story: "So you cannot even call them or something?"



• Only in Pennsylvania.



• Attention drug dealers: If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times - if you are going to drive around with a few pounds of smack jammed up your butt, don't go breaking any traffic laws.



• Only in Florida. (She "noticed" something changed?!?!)



• (Expletive) Yea! alcohol was involved.



• It seems like a good idea until you start to sweat uncontrollably.

Finally some good flying weather.

I managed to get an hour+ of flying today and it was great. A little bumpy with the wind but not terrible.

Today was stall recovery at 3,000', which is both fun and terrifying. After that, I did some ground reference tracking which is where I pick an object on the ground & circle it for a while and finally practicing 'S' curves over a straight line. In our case, the straight line was Interstate 91 near the Yankee Candle Factory in Deerfield. I'm betting that made a lot of the drivers on I-91 think we were the State Police running a aerial speed trap.

This was my aircraft today.

I would like you to notice that I managed to park it right on the "T".

I love this and I'm a little pissed that I waited this long to do it. I should have done this 40 years ago.

*

My resume' is almost ready. I'm not sure how it's going to be received but it's my best shot at representing myself to potential employers.

It's been 30 years since I set out to find a job and, to be honest with you, I'm not sure what I want to do for the rest of my working life.

I spent 30 years in a cubicle-filled corporate environment and I'm not really looking forward to getting back into that. The problem is, it's really the only thing I know. Prior to this, I was working as a campus police officer.

My current plan is to post the resume online and send it off to some head-hunters to see what comes of it. In the meantime, I'm going to meet with some folks whose opinions I respect and get some advice from them.

I'm not looking for a "life-coach", just a little guidance on some ideas I have about what I might want to accomplish over the next 10 years or so.

*

Here are a few links:

• You gotta love dogs.



• Key phrase in this story: "...the teen would not reveal any details about the motive..."



• So what crime was actually committed here?



• Best reader comment: "I-20 -- a major human and soft pillow trafficking corridor"

More paperwork...

I gotta tell you, I'm getting a little sick and tired of filling out paperwork.

Hopefully I'm close to being done.

*

I was going to thatch and mow my front & side yards today but the wind would have made that a ridiculous move.

There would have been thatch, leaves and dust all over the place, including in my lungs.

*

I have a movie recommendation for you:  You should find a way to see the movie Self/less.

It was very well done.

*

Here are some links:

• This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?



• She's not an unattractive woman. I'm betting there are a lot of guys that would have let her do it while they were conscious.



• If this happened in America, it would be protected by The First Amendment - The right to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.



• Only in Florida.

Darn it all to heck.

My flight lesson got cancelled again today due to the rain.

I find this disappointing and I'm really hoping the weather cooperates for my next scheduled appointment.

*

You might enjoy these links:

• How hard did she have to work to do this?



• Key entry from our favorite police log: "12:12 p.m. The woman driving the busted up Kia was probably intoxicated."



• Presenting the this episodes Parent of the Week.

Merry Easter

I hope all of you had an enjoyable day!

As for me, I ate a lot of food, watched a little baseball and took a nap.

That's what I consider an enjoyable day.

*

I was looking at the usage statistics for this little webpage and I have discovered that none of you are using a Microsoft browser:

Pageviews by Browsers

Entry	Pageviews
Firefox	97 (66%)
Chrome	41 (28%)
Safari	6 (4%)
Opera	1 (<1%)

Good for you because Internet Explorer 11 sucked huge. Then, when they rolled out Windows 10, they stopped all support for IE and introduced a monstrosity called Edge.

Edge sucks more than IE11.

Personally, I use Chrome but I might be going back to Firefox now that Google has stopped supporting PAPI.

And by the way, the above statistics are for one week and don't include my views of The DailyNews^© because I don't track my views.

*

Here are some links:

• Happy Easter...



• Things that make me go, "Hmmmm".



• Stubborn Beaver would be a fantastic name for a 1980s soft porn movie.



• I'm moving to New Zealand...

Happy Okay Saturday

Tomorrow is Easter and yesterday was Good Friday. I'm proclaiming today to be Okay Saturday.

*

The Red Sox managed to win another game today giving them a 3 game winning streak.

Just Kidding! They got their ass kicked!

They lost to the Orioles but I'm not counting it. The Red Sox infield was made up entirely of minor league players because the starters were all back in Fort Meyers participating in an infield workout.

Those minor leaguer's managed to hold the Orioles to a 7-7 tie game through the sixth inning. That was when the wheels fell off and the Orioles managed to score 6 runs making it 13-7.

When the game mercifully came to an end, the score was 16-8 in favor of the Orioles.

Not a shining moment but like I said, they were all pretty much minor league players so whatever.

*

Here are the links:

• Rampant Wiener Thefts would be a great name for a 1970s porno movie.



• Parent of the Year.



• Key phrase in this story: "The Holy Toast."

No flying today

My instructor called and cancelled today's flight lesson. He said there is no fun in flying around in the clouds. Also, it's hard to see other planes in the clouds and the training aircraft don't have radar.

I agree.

I'm disappointed, but I agree.

*

Someone has added me to a mailing list of old retired guys and I've started getting lunch invitations. I'm not sure I'm going to tell them that I'm not really retired, I'm just temporarily retired.

I think it would be good to see some of these guys every once in a while. They are, for the most part, a good group of individuals that I've known for many, many years.

*

It is being reported by that most auspicious of the fourth estate, The National Enquirer, that Ted Cruz has been having numerous affairs over the last few years.

Now before you go laughing and guffawing, I would like to remind you that The National Enquirer is the same rag that reported on Gary Hart, Tiger Woods, John Edwards and Steve Kroft. It's their bread and butter. It's how they earn their living and they are pretty good at it.

I'm thinking if The National Enquirer is saying Ted Cruz cheated on his wife then there's a pretty good chance that Ted Cruz cheated on his wife.

The question at hand is whether that really matters or not. Personally, I think that kind of thing is between him & his wife and isn't really any of my damned business.

*

So the Red Sox have won 4 of their last 5 games and as I write this, they are well on their way to beating the Pirates and winning 5 of their last 6 games.

Not bad.

*

Here are a few links for you to enjoy:

• I don't know who the judge is but I like the way he thinks.



• I'm pretty sure The Lemon Smuggler was a 1960s song by Simon and Garfunkel.



• Only in Massachusetts.



• Excellent headline...

Lots and lots of paperwork.

I have been on the phone all morning with various folks at my previous employer talking about all kinds of things that I won't be talking about on this website. What I will tell you is that the amount of paperwork being generated by them that I need to sign, date, fold, spindle and mutilate is awe-inspiring.

What a massive bureaucracy.

*

Here are some links that you might enjoy:

• Key phrase in this story: "Police shut down nearby traffic as the man threw apples at police and pedestrians..."



• He threw what into the restaurant??



• The Hydraulic Press Channel is my new favorite YouTube channel.



• Key phrase in this story: "It was not clear why Presley shot a lawn mower filled with an explosive."



• Coincidence? I don't think so....



• Key entry from our favorite police log: "7:53 p.m. A jolly, drunken man laughed as he reported that he burned his head when he lit a cigarette, causing his tent to “blow up.” He was taken to the local hospital."

Lunch with friends

I'm finding that I have things to do and one of them is catching up with people that I haven't seen for a while. Today was lunch with two old guys and one young lady that I haven't seen in several months. They said that now that I'm a fellow retiree (I'm not, trust me), I need to learn to drive slowly, eat lunch & dinner early and complain about things that don't matter.

I told them I had the complaining thing down to a science and I usually go to dinner early but the driving slow thing was a pain in the ass and I wasn't going to do it.

*

No flying today but I did manage to start cleaning the basement.

My wife has been looking at a major mess down there for years and I figure it's time for me to make her happy by cleaning things up, putting tools where they belong, throwing the scrap and crap away and vacuuming all the sawdust/metal shaving/screws/nails up off the floor.

I'm kind of a slob but she loves me anyways.

*

Yes Pat, I know I'm supposed to call you. My phone has been going non-stop for the last few days.

Trust me, I will be in touch with you after I calm down a bit and things settle out.

*

Here are a few links:

• Only in Florida.



• Key phrase in this story: "A mirror is pretty much like a big magnifying glass."



• What a loving couple...



• Key phrase in this story: "...a plant-based diet doesn’t preclude mammals from having a taste for bloodsport."



• Sounds like the teachers in Alabama are more than a little randy.

Man, it's hard to fly on a windy day

I took my second flight lesson today and it was interesting, to say the least.

Wind gusts of 15 to 20 mph shoved that plane all over the place. I would be making a 30° turn to the right and suddenly the plane would be lifted and pushed into a 10° turn to the left. That kind of thing is interesting when you are at 3,000 feet but when you are trying to land, that kind of thing makes it tough as hell to get the plane on the runway.

Understand, I don't consider myself a pilot by any means but I am kind of pleased with how much I remember from the four lessons I took back in the late 1970s. I can pre-flight the plane, start it, taxi it, line it up on the runway and take it off. I am relearning the radio language of pilots and can make rudimentary announcements of my intentions to other traffic in the area.

And I can even land a plane - on a nice calm day.

Today was not a nice calm day. It was a nice windy day and as we were making our final turn towards the runway, I told my instructor, "It would probably be wise of you to put your hand on the yoke and your feet on the rudder pedals because this thing is dancing all over the place."

He did and when a wind gust hit us from the left just as I was about to cross the numbers, he stomped hard on the rudder and got us lined back up with the runway before I stuck us into the grass.

I am really, really enjoying this.

*

As for that other thing, yes, I'm looking for a job.

Anyone know of one?

*

Here are today's links:

• Key phrase in this story: "...he tried to buy a BMW with a credit card and Electronic Benefit Transfer (EBT) card..."



• Only in New York City.



• Only in Florida.



• Key entry from our favorite police log: "2:54 p.m. Two dogs were seen traveling eastbound down Highway 2 East."

Guess who's recently unemployed....

After 30 years of dedicated service to MassMutual, today I joined the ranks of the unemployed. That means I have some thinking to do and some decisions to make.

Fortunately, that 30 years has left us in a position where those decisions don't involve things like, "Do we eat this month or pay the mortgage?"

Bottom line in all of this is we're going to be okay but if any of you know a company that could use a pretty bright Information Security / Risk Management guy who spent 30 years crafting his trade at a Fortune 100 company, let me know.

*

Here are some links:

• Although it doesn't say it, I'm betting alcohol was involved.



• Only in New Jersey.

Guess who remembered to work this morning!

I promised a project team that I would do some things for them this morning to make their lives a little easier. Whenever I make those promises, I have a fear that I will go to bed on Saturday and wake up on Sunday morning having completely forgotten about my commitment.

Fortunately, I didn't forget and this morning I shut off a bunch of old processes once the project team reported that their new processes were in place and functional.

For their sake, I hope it stays that way. I can turn the old stuff back on pretty quickly but no one wants that.

*

The Red Sox have now won 2 in a row.

Call me when they've won 5 in a row...

On the upside, the Red Sox have finally admitted that Travis Shaw is a better third baseman than Pablo Sandoval and there are no guarantees in this life.

*

Here are some links:

• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Year.



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Month.



• This is why you should never ask the internet to name anything.



• They stapled his face???

Only 5 innings today

The Red Sox played the Cardinals today and they were actually playing some pretty good baseball. They ended the game with the the Red Sox up 3-1 in the 5th inning when the rain rolled in.

*

So far, the sink repair is holding up just fine and for that I am grateful. Last thing I need is a flood under my sink.

*

The dogs are not happy about it but this guy got the sun spot and he's not giving it up.

*

You can visit these links:

• Key entry from our favorite police log: "1:51 p.m. Two bad dogs, probably retrievers, were spotted fleeing a campground on Helena Flats Road."



• Only in Florida.



• Why is it that the phrase "common-law husband" usually appears in stories like this>



• Only in Florida.



• Oh Canada.

No baseball tonight

They played two split-squad games this afternoon and they lost both of them.

This is not going well and I will not be surprised if at some point in May, the club announces that Tori Lovullo has replaced John Farrell as the team manager.

Just sayin' is all...

*

My wife called me around 11:00 this morning to let me know that the pipes under the sink had a slight problem.

Yes, the main is disconnected and the tail pipe from the sink is disconnected.

I was told, "It just fell apart!" and I gotta believe her. Turns out the main was in the connector less than a 1/4 of an inch and the tail pipe wasn't seated any better.

Fortunately for my back and for my wife's ears, I was able to get it all put back together correctly. There was no back damaged and there was no swearing.

*

Here are a few links:

• Only in Florida.



• Also only in Florida.



• And also only in Florida.

Not much to say.

It was a busy day and I didn't make it out of there at my usual time.

Here are some links:

• I've been saying this for a year now....



• In case you missed it, here is part 1 and part 2 of the fiasco that was last nights East Longmeadow selectmen meeting.

I'm actually enjoying spring training.

Even though the Red Sox are losing, I'm enjoying the games. Tonight they play the Twins and I will be watching as much of the game as possible.

*

President Obama has announced his nomination for the Supreme Court and while I'm not sure I like his choice or not, I do like the fact that he offered a nominee despite the Republican promise to not vote to approve.

That's what has consistently pissed my off about the Republicans - Their seeming desire to stop the functioning of our government. They seem to take pleasure in roadblocking everything and on this point, they have no reason to roadblock.

It's like they lack the balls to say, "Okay Mr. President, we'll take a look at your nominee and if we don't like him, we'll vote against him."

Instead they are saying, "We aren't going to even look at your nominee. Neener Neener Neener..."

It's like a bunch of little kids.

*

Here are a few links:

• I guess even Walmart has standards.



• Chicks dig random gunfire.



• Somehow this just seems to make sense.



• There is nothing I can say about this...

The Red Sox are playing the Yankees

It's a spring training game but I'll still watch it.

*

Here are some links:

• Key phrase: “It's something we've never come across and probably never will again…”



• So much for the Fourth Amendment.



• Officer Brad “El Burro” Chase is our newest hero.

Someone complained about the weather

I was talking to a girl at work today and she said, "Yesterday was so nice. Today is crappy. Rainy. Cold. Dark. I hate this."

I said, "So let me see if I got this straight - you're complaining because it was nice over the weekend and crappy when you came to work. Is that about right? You're bitching because you had a nice day off?"

That was pretty much the end of that conversation...

*

Here is a link or two. Or three:

• Key phrase in this story: "...drove her and her friend to a Kinsman Road gas station about 5 a.m. to buy a pint of ice cream."



• Chuck E. Cheese in the news. Again.



• This is why I only eat bacon and eggs for breakfast.

Nice lazy day.

My wife and daughter spent the day at the outlets in Lee and I watched the Red Sox get their ass handed to them by the Rays.

It would have been a better day if the Red Sox hadn't lost so badly but it was still a nice day.

*

I won't be flying this week because I have some things I need to do but next week I'll be back at it, trying my best to relax enough to apply my knowledge.

Simply put, I know how to fly a plane. I get the whole air speed vs. lift vs. drag thing. I understand laminar flow, center of gravity and rate of descent/ascent. I know the difference between pitch and yaw. I know what all the controls do and how to use them.

My problem is my confidence. It's like learning to drive all over again. I'm too focused on the instruments and not on the world around me. I'm tense and I tend to over-compensate.

The only way to overcome those issue is to continuously fly.

And that is what I intend on doing. I want to fly at least once a week, possibly twice. If I can get two lessons in per week, I should be comfortable within the next two months.

Then it'll be time to solo.

*

So now that the ladies are home, I'm gonna finish this up and try to get some sleep. The "spring ahead" thing tends to mess with my already screwy sleep habits.

While I do that, you can click on these:

• Key phrase in this story: "This life is immaterial to a future life in heaven."



• There is something wrong with our species.



• The Chinese are different than we are.

The Red Sox aren't looking all that great

They have played 11 spring training games and lost 6 of them. That puts them at .454

Now before you get all, "Relax, it's only spring training" on me, let me point out that if they were as good as they should be, they should be well above .600 and showing us that they aren't the same team they were last year.

On the other hand, the Orioles have played 11 games and lost 10 of them, putting them at .091.

So I guess the fans of Boston can walk around saying, "We aren't Baltimore!"

*

Spring has sprung.

*

You might want to click on these links:

• You just can't trust Captain America anymore.



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Week.



• Only in Florida.

Yet another day of stuff

Once again, I spent my entire day in a meeting with IBM to get something installed. Fortunately, the install got completed in the test environment and we feel confident we can get it installed in our development and production environments.

Problem is, I'm freaking exhausted and don't have a lot of time to surf the interwebs.

*

Here are some links:

• Oh Canada.



• This is why I'm taking flying lessons.



• If you want some light reading on our upcoming presidential election, look no further.

Tired kind of day.

I spent most of my day working with some folks from IBM trying to get their new product installed.

I'm not saying that IBM is screwed up but I am going to say that IBM probably shouldn't have laid off most of their experienced personnel awhile back...

*

So anyways, here are some links:

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• I did not know that Taylor Swift got married.



• How do you know when Frankie Keough is lying? His lips are moving.



• Sorta brings a whole new meaning to the question, "Do you have anything to declare?"

Full furnace ahead!

Thanks to my furnace guy, we now have a fully functional furnace.

Our fully functional furnace has a fully functional expansion tank and a fully functional pressure relief valve. It also has no air in the lines so it's moving nothing but water.

Thanks goodness for this because it was only 80° today and we might have froze to death....

*

Back in March of 2015, during a joint session of Congress and Senate, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu told the United States government that any agreement with Iran regarding the Iranian nuclear program would be "A stunning historic mistake".

President Barack Obama and Secretary of State John Kerry refused to listen to Netanyahu, as well as several other other world leaders and somehow managed to secure enough votes in the senate to pass the deal.

The other day, Iran decided to poke a stick at Israel by launching two ballistic missiles with the words "Israel must be wiped out" written on them in hebrew.

Now on the surface, this might just be viewed as simple saber-rattling and posturing but when you add the whole "arab spring" thing that Obama encouraged along with the rise of ISIS, the resurgence of the taliban, the millions of deaths in the name of allah and our governments refusal to admit that there is a genocide going on in the the middle-east and I can't help but wonder, "What the hell is wrong with our President?"

Personally, I think his arrogance and his belief that anyone who doesn't agree with him is an ass is the problem. The man refuses to listen to anyone and he only hears what he wants to hear.

*

You might like these:

• Bummer.



• Key phrase in this story: "...using weapons while intoxicated."



• I'm betting he's single and unemployed.

Time to get my eyes examined.

I got to experience the thrill of flying today and I gotta tell you, it was fun.

I met with an instructor at Northampton Airport at 3:00 this afternoon and we talked for a while, just to get to know each other. He's a good guy and we got along pretty well.

After chatting for a bit, we went outside, he handed me a checklist and had me do the pre-flight inspection while he oversaw me. Then he had me get into the left seat and go through the pre-flight checklist.

Once I finished that and I had the aircraft running and raring to go, we taxied to the runway and he had me take off. We spent an hour flying around the upper Pioneer Valley with him having me do all kinds of things to get an idea of how the aircraft handles in various ways.

After an hour of enjoying myself immensely, we headed back at the airport.

I gotta be honest with you, I fully expected him to take control of the aircraft for the landing but he simply sat there, point the airport out to me and gave me instructions on throttle settings. I managed to touch down on the numbers with little or no thump.

I will admit that steering the plane on the ground was harder than flying it. I damned near drove us off the side of the taxiway while making our way back to the parking area.

So after going through the post-flight checklist and shutdown, we went into the office and I asked him if he thought I might have what it takes to learn to fly. I made it clear that I didn't want to end my life in a twisted pile of burning aluminum and if he felt that my learning to fly was a major mistake, I wanted him to say so.

He said that I did things on my first flight that most people don't do until they've spent several hours flying. He also said that while I tended to fly the plane like it was a car, I would overcome that pretty quickly.

So I guess I know what I'll be doing two or three times a month for the next several months....

*

Here are some links:

• A U.S. quarter weighs exactly 5.67 grams. That means he had almost 5 tons of quarters.



• Watch the video. I really wish it had audio because I would love to hear what he is saying.



• Yes, alcohol was involved.

My furnace is still hobbling along.

My furnace guy was supposed to come over this afternoon and replace the non-functional parts but something came up and he asked if he could postpone until Wednesday. Since the furnace is currently working pretty damned well, I told him waiting was not a problem.

Hopefully things don't suddenly go bad between now and Wednesday...

*

Enjoy these links:

• RTomlinson@AFTERLIFE.ORG



• You gotta love dogs.



• Key phrase in this story: "They were standing outdoors in formation."



• Key phrase in this story: "...all of a sudden she started throwing her clothes at the on-coming traffic."



• Oh Canada.



• Just another night at Chuck E. Cheese.



• Finally, an editor with a brain. Excellent headline.

It was't the pressure relief valve....

I changed the pressure relief valve and still ended up with a flood of water coming out of it.

I called a friend of mine who knows about these things and he said, "It's either the boiler feed valve or it's the circulating pumps. I'll give you a call this afternoon and stop over to look at it."

When he stopped over, he quickly decided that it wasn't either. There was a massive amount of air in the lines and the circulating pumps had nothing to pump. This was causing the system to overfill itself and generate an over=pressure.

He also noticed that the expansion tank was full. The expansion tank is never supposed to be full. It should always have room to expand and contract.

So after draining all the air out of the system and getting us back our heat, he will be back tomorrow to replace the expansion tank and install yet another new pressure relief valve.

*

Here are some links:

• Bummer. I always thought she was a classy dame.



• This is some seriously funny sh!t.

Not much today

Between running errands, getting all the water off my basement floor, replacing the pressure valve on my furnace and finally watching bad movies, I didn't spend very much time on the interwebs.

*

Here are a couple of links:

• Mom of the Year.



• Only in Pennsylvania.

So I hear Trump has small hands.

Am I the only that thinks this onging grade-school taunting isn't very good for the country and will result in a Presidential race where no one will feel good a bout voting for any of the candidates.

Those of you that have been around for a while might remember how much I dislike Willard Romney and his "I'm smarter than you" attitude but I gotta say that right now, I kind of agree with him - Donald Trump is a blithering idiot of low moral character.

And can someone explain to me why the three remaining non-Trump candidates would say that they would be willing to throw their support behind Trump if he wins the nomination. Why would they ever say that about a guy that behaves that way?

*

Here are some links:

• I have got to get one of these...



• Only in Florida.

I need to stop thinking about it.

I have been thinking non-stop about the people that are running for President and I need to stop.

I realize that some of you think your candidate is the smartest person on the earth but I'm here to tell you that you are wrong. Your candidate is a freakin' arrogant, self-centered egotist with no more intelligence or compassion than a large snake.

I know that you're thinking to yourself, "Steve! You don't even know who my preferred candidate is! How can you be so positive?"

Simple - They are all arrogant self-centered egotists with limited intelligence and compassion.

We are screwed and a lot of us know it.

I really need to stop thinking about this because it's gonna give me a heart attack and an ulcer.

*

These links may entertain you:

• I've always said, get it whenever and wherever you can but this isn't what I meant.



• I looked and I didn't see any pictures of me.



• Key phrase in this story: "...the crime is punishable by a fine of no more than $20."

Not much to say.

It's not that it was a long day or a busy day. It was more of a long-busy day.

Here are some links:

• And I thought my kids used to give me a hard time in the morning.



• My first question would be to the woman and it would be, "Why?" My second question would be to the TSA and it would be, "Why?"



• If you happen to be in Manhattan, feel free to take a leak anywhere you want.

The market is up...

...and I'm having hot flashes.

Seriously, I've spent the entire day in my own special little hell.

My wife calls them personal summers, I call them sweat attacks.

I'm too old for man-o-pause.

*

Here are some links:

• This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs.



• Only in Florida.



• Suspended Gophers would be a great name for a 1960s pulp fiction novelette.



• Hey, whatever floats your boat.