Rules: Part II

I know you might find this shocking but I managed to come up with a few more rules.

Here they are:

8. The more you tell someone they can't do something, the more they want to do it. It's human nature. Your best bet is to mind your own damned business.
9. Take a deep breath before you speak. This not only relaxes you, it gives you a second to think about what you want to say and will hopefully stop you from saying something stupid like, "Holy crap Doris! Are you pregnant or just really fat?"
10. Your mom and dad weren't wrong when they stopped you from doing stupid teenager things. Maybe you should tell them that and then thank them for keeping you alive long enough to reach adulthood.
11. According to the Declaration of Independence, you have certain unalienable rights, among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That means it is not the government's job, my job or anyone elses job to make you happy, it is your job to make yourself happy.
12. Being a tree-hugger, a Jehovah Witness, a concerned liberal democrat or a watchful conservative republican is a choice that you made for yourself. Don't preach to me about your choice because to be honest with you, I don't care. As a matter of fact, get the hell off my porch before I poke you with a sharp stick.
13. If you are going to make a left hand turn on a busy street, try to move over to the left side of the travel lane so that the rest of us have a chance of getting by you on the right.

Like I said yesterday, as I come up with more, I'll add them to the list.

*

Here's a couple of links:

• Only in Florida.



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Month.