Happy Candy-Poopin-Rabbit Day.

Dear Massachusetts,

Please make up your mind. It's either FastLane or it's EZPass but it can't be both.

And would you like to know why it can't be both?

BECAUSE THE IDIOTS FROM NEW YORK AND CONNECTICUT ARE EASILY CONFUSED!

That's why it can't be both.

Thank you for your attention in this matter.

Signed,
The guy who is sick and tired of having someone lock up their brakes in front of him just as he's about to go through the EZPass/FastLane toll booth.

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You can visit these links or you can go find your own. Your choice:

• I like Peeps. I like guns. Let's combine the two!



• Sometimes our court system works.



• So now what will the Germans do for entertainment?



• We don't pay cops enough....

I am not a garage door repairman

I said to my youngest, "Hey, give me a hand replacing the rollers on the garage door. It'll only take a few minutes." He said sure and we set about replacing the rollers. I was right, it took about 15 minutes to replace all 10 rollers.

Then I tried the door.....

We immediately heard a rather loud "sproing" and we watched the support cable wrap itself around the rod that supports the springs.

I instantly knew that this wasn't a good thing. It was a bad thing. A very bad thing...

My son and I spent the next 1 hour and 45 minutes trying to get the cable back into place and put the load back into the springs. At one point, after trying at least five different methods, my son says, "So now what do we do." My reply was, "Okay, I've got one more idea and if it doesn't work, we call a professional."
It worked.

Our hands are bloody and covered with grease but dammit, the garage door works just fine.

Next time, I'm calling a professional to start with. I'm too old for this sh!t.

*

I found you more than two links today:

• Not just only in Florida....



• You gotta love Ron Perlman. He's a stand up guy.



• Pfffttt... Kids these days. When I was in college, we had to take electives like "Ancient Architecture" and ride our dinosaurs to school, in the snow, up hill, both ways.

Life is good

Eggs are being dyed, candy is being purchased and rabbits are running around my backyard.

It must be getting close to Easter.

*

No time for news searching today so I have no idea what is going on. I'm betting that North Korea is threatening to attack the United States, or something like that.

Here's a link or two:

• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminals of the Week.



• I'm not sure when this is but I'm all for it.

The Kids are in the House.

We are fast approaching another weekend with a full house. My wife is once again in full-blown "mom" mode and The Dog is once again in full-blown "wag" mode.

I'm just glad everyone is home.

*

Since I'm busy hanging with my offspring and doing important Red Sox stuff this evening, you get a short post.

Here are a couple of links:

• Key phrase in this story: "political stupidness".



• We're gonna end up in another war.

Sometimes life just is.

A friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer last year and the chemo treatments did not go as well as was hoped. Last month she had a stem cell replacement and, so far, things look pretty damned good for her.

She is home and recovering nicely. Her doctors expect that she will be able to return to work sometime in late-April or mid-May.

Another friend of mine has a brother who was diagnosed with cancer last year and nothing went well. Nothing at all. And they have run out of options.

He currently weighs about 90 pounds, his family is going through the process of engaging with hospice and the doctors expect that he will not see the summer. He has been to several doctors seeking their opinions and in every case they make it clear there is nothing more that can be done.

Sometimes life is easy and sometimes it is hard but, in most cases, it's better to be alive than not.

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You can visit these links. Or not. It's your choice.

• Let's hope the investigation actually finds something amiss. Aside from being just flat out wrong, that visit bordered on violating at least three Constitutional amendments.



• Here's your Naked Woman in the News story. (Ain't she attractive...)



• Only in Pennsylvania.



• Yes, alcohol was involved.

Five days.

We are now five days away from the start of the baseball season and you can bet that I am prepared.

I have plenty of healthy snacks such as Doritos and Cheetos. As a matter of fact, I have all of the 'os' food group.

I have also recently upgraded my cable system here at the Daily News World Headquarters and now all of our TVs can display the game in high definition. This is important because I have found that my sage coaching advice comes through much clearer in HD.

Farrell and the boys will be able hear me in every room in the house...

*

You can click on these:

• Pit bulls, like semi-automatic rifles, are dangerous in the wrong hands. It's not the dog, or the gun, that is at fault, it's the owner that is at fault.



• As I said the other day, I have a nagging suspicion that maybe mom isn't telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.



• The apple doesn't fall to far from the tree....

Not much to say today.

How about you just visit these links:

• If you do the math, it works out to about one bottle per week. I think the man might have a small drinking problem...



• Once again, my retirement plans are tossed by the sea of life and dashed upon the rocks of poverty.



• Women - Do not mess with them. Specially if they are pregnant.



• Only in Ireland...

Twenty five years is not really a long time.

Twenty seven years ago, I started working for my current employer.

In 1996, they sold the division I worked for so I was no longer employed by them. The deal they made with the purchasing corporation was that none of the us could return for a period of two years.

So for one year and four months, I was employed by a real nasty corporation out of California. They were more concerned about their stockholders than they were about their customers.

If your business is making beach umbrellas, it's not a bad thing to be concerned about your stockholders but this particular company was a health insurance company. That really pissed me off because it seemed to me that when you're in the business of taking care of peoples health needs, they should be the first thing on your mind, not some day trader from ScrewU, California.

I stuck with them because they kept promising us that things would get better. Well, they didn't get better and I went to work for a small West Springfield outfit.

In 1998, the two year moratorium came to an end and I got a call from a VP friend of mine asking me if I wanted a job back with the mother ship.

Hell yea I wanted a job.

I got back all my seniority, all my vacation time and they paid me more. Plus, they told me I didn't have to travel anymore. That was a huge thing for me because I had three young children and for several years, I spent so much time on the road that I was missing them grow up.

Anyways, to make this long story short, yesterday I received a letter from the CEO of my company congratulating me on reaching twenty five years of service.

I'm old and I'm tired but hey, I've got a job at a I like working for. Hopefully it stays that way for another five years. That's when I make that awesome decision to retire or keep working.

*

You might like these:

• Things are going so well in Ohio that the state legislature has time to do this kind of crap.



• Since it was at a Red Lobster, how can you be sure those things are even real lobsters.



• I'm thinking that they probably soiled their wet suits a bit....



• This is already on the list of things that you will never see a woman do.

Old laptops are a pain in the butt

I'm trying to save two old laptops for my buddy Chris.

He actually had one of them reloaded with the factory install of the OS so that one was easy. All I had to do was verify that the OS was installed correctly and it was ready to go.

The second one was the pain in the ass. It had no OS on it so, as Sgt Highway liked to say, I had to Improvise, Adapt and Overcome. Now, it's running the third worst operating system ever conceived by Microsoft - Vista. (The first two were Microsoft Bob and Windows ME.)

So anyways, no his little girls should be able to beat up on two clunky old laptops instead of his shiny new one. He'll be happy and they'll be happy.

In other words, everybody will be happy.

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I took this picture at a dive diner my son and I stopped at for breakfast.

The food was amazingly good but the fact that they still had the booth juke box was what made the whole experience.

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These links might provide some entertainment:

• Ensign Crusher.



• No, I didn't see it. But I wish I had.



• Only in Florida.

The missing.

There are people that I miss. Some of them are dead, some are no longer in this area and some are simply disconnected from me for reasons unknown.

There are things that I miss. I miss the Mattel Intellivision. I miss a good old fashioned game of pinball. I miss playing baseball in Kinneys field with the neighborhood kids.

Most of all, I miss smoking.

After three years without a cigarette, I can honestly say that I miss them every day. Specially after a good meal or while having a few beers.

There is nothing quite as satisfying as a cold Bud and a cigarette....

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These links are for you:

• Why do I have a nagging suspicion that maybe mom isn't telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth....



• Diesel Fuel and the Heroic Beavers would be a great name for a 1950s country/western band.



• This could have been a Monty Python skit.



• Why is it still "under investigation"? It's an obvious case of  "redneck in the daytime"...

When seconds count, the police are only minutes away.

She's alive because she had the ability to defend herself.

And that is all I have to say about that.

*

You can visit these links if you would like:

• "I needs a bambalance!!" And if you don't know what I mean by that, trust me, enter the word "bambalance" into Google. It'll be worth it.



• They're gonna need a sh*tload of melted butter.



• Key phrase in this story that would never be said by a woman: "I've got it in my pocket right now."



• Yes, alcohol was involved. Also, ecstasy and marijuana. Also, only in Florida....

Don't forget the amendments.

I don't know about you but this bothers me. It bothers me quite a bit.

It seems that all it takes is for one paranoid, skeevy, whiny little douchebag to make an anonymous phone call and a law-abiding citizen of the United States of America is surrounded by two authoritarian governmental agencies demanding access to his home and belongings.

And that, my friends, has nothing to do with the Second Amendment to the Constitution, or any gun laws for that matter. It has everything to do with the Fourth, Fifth and Sixth Amendments to the Constitution. And if you don't know what civil rights those amendments are protecting, you should just get the hell off my website and go read something else.

Like maybe the Constitution and The Bill of Rights.

What the hell is wrong with us.....

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Links are here:

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• It's the apocalypse...



• Key phrase in this story: "he'd been smoking loads of meth during the previous handful of days."

Working From Work

Due to the massive blizzard that dropped at least 1 or 2 inches of snow this morning, a lot of people did not come in to work. Instead, they decided to work from home. The four or five of us that made it into my office this morning received a bunch of emails with the subject line "WFH".

In case you didn't get it, WFH is a TLA (Three Letter Acronym) for Working From Home.

We replied with the subject line "WFW".

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Here are some links you might enjoy:

• I notice that it's always the stores that say, "collecting such data is beneficial to consumers". I have never once heard a consumer say it's beneficial. All I ever hear consumers say is, "I get a lot of junk mail and I wish it would stop."



• Wait, let me show you my shocked face...



• Let's see if I got this straight: The state of Mississippi says that it is not the role of government to micro-manage it's citizens and NY Mayor Bloomberg says, "That's ridiculous". Bloomberg is an a$$hole...

Long Day = Short Post

That means I have no sage advice or witty-witticisms.

I do, however, have a few links:

• Only in Florida.



• You don't need a gun. You just need an encouraging thumbs-up!



• Since we haven't visited them in a while, it's time for a trip to see "The People Of WalMart"!

And then there were none.

Despite all the green wearing drunks, our two remaining offspring have made it safely back to their schools. I drove our youngest back before the Holyoke parade started and my daughter left while the parade was going on. I ran into some traffic on my way home but nothing too bad.

The good part is that we get to do it all again in a couple of weeks when it's "Candy Poopin' Rabbit" day. Fortunately, I'm pretty sure there are fewer drunks on the road on that particular day.

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Work called me at 4:00 this morning to tell me, "Never mind, we figured out the problem. Go back to sleep."

I love it when they do that...

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Here are a few links to click on:

• Maybe it's just me but I've never understood the whole "fetish for underwear" thing.



• Admit it, we've all wanted to do this.



• Here's your Naked Guy in the News story.

And then there were two.

My eldest arrived home yesterday afternoon to spend the evening with us, go on a hike with his crew this morning and then out to dinner with us to celebrate his moms birthday. He left to go back to Boston this evening because he didn't want to be driving into the city during "It's wear green and drink until you puke!" day.

His brother and sister will return to their respective institutions of higher education tomorrow.

Hopefully they can avoid the green drunk people.

*

I had a fairly busy day so I didn't get to watch a lot of news. I did, however, find a few links:

• Yes, alcohol, as well as  a Massachusetts driver, was involved.



• Yes, alcohol, as well as a resident of Pennsylvania, was involved.



• This is just another reason to not take the bus.



• Beer - Is there anything it can't do?

I think we can pretty much write off the Republican party.

What is it with the Republican party and their desire to have a religious government here in the United States? Why do they insist on bringing religion into the mix at all?

Trust me folks, The Flinstones was not a documentary and while I can't guarantee that angels aren't real, I'm pretty sure that if you have a problem with the theory of evolution, you should also have a problem with the hypothesis of angels.

And by the way, just for the record, a theory is not a guess, it is defined as:

a coherent group of tested general propositions, commonly regarded as correct, that can be used as principles of explanation and prediction for a class of phenomena

When someone uses the word "theory" in place of the word "guess", they are only proving that they are illiterate. I can't say this enough - it is not a guess. A hypothesis is a guess.

Pffftttt.... No wonder they can't get elected to anything.

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Here are a few links:

• I guess I'm an old fuddy-duddy. I just don't get it. There's nothing about this that I find funny.



• There is an old Madison Avenue saying: "Sex sells."



• You know how I always say the Japanese are crazy? Yea, well maybe I'm wrong....



• Now that would have been a funny meeting.

Another short post.

My day was short but I'm really tired.

You see, I went out with some friends for a retirement gathering yesterday and I got home a little later than I wanted to. Then I got a lousy nights sleep because of the alcohol I consumed.

So like I said, I'm tired.

*

Here's a couple of links for you to enjoy:

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Oops.

The situation is no longer popeless

There is a new pope. His name is Pope Francis.

Or, as I like to call him, Pope Frankie.

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Here are a couple of links for today:

• Look everybody! It's the religion of peace!



• Pfffttt..... Rednecks....

On your marks. Get set. GO!

The race is on to find a new pope. I know this because NBC news has apparently relocated from the United States to Rome. Almost every bit of news they offer revolves around the lack of popeness currently being experienced by the Catholic Church.

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My eldest went back to Boston last night to continue his final bit of studying. His current rotation is his last rotation and it ends in two weeks. After that, he has at least 6 weeks of free time to study for the boards. His official graduation is in May and the boards are offered in June.

Unfortunately for him, the rules prevent him from continuing his employment with the hospital once he graduates. This is because his license to be a technician/intern becomes invalid once he receives his doctorate but he is not licensed to do anything else until he completes the board exams.

Still, not a bad situation to be in. It's basically a month of non-stressful study time for the boards as well as the state law exams he is taking.

*

Attention Pat - I upgraded my modem today. You might want to consider that move we keep talking about....

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Got a few links for you:

• Key phrase in this story: "There are a few lessons here about not drawing attention to yourself."



• Oh No! Iran is insulted! What will we do!



• Warning: If you are the owner of a dingus, you may be fined so it's best to keep your dingus to yourself.



• Key phrase in this story: "This guy just really was in the wrong place at the wrong time."



• The phrase "dumb blonde" springs to mind....

We reached for the stars.

John posted a snippet of a HBO show on Facebook that intrigued me so I decided to hunt down a version of it on YouTube.

I realize that it's television and it's just a television speech written by a group of highly paid television writers that ignores a fairly large part of what could be construed as a real life argument but it's still a pretty damned good example of how I feel on a daily basis.

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Not much to prattle on about so how about some links:

• Key phrase in this story about a guy who I'm pretty sure has misplaced his testicles: "Brannon's hands were shaking and it was apparent he was in fear of physical harm."



• I'm not sure that wearing "herring sperm" is a good alternative to simply just staying away from open flames....



• I would not be surprised to learn that one of my offspring might have had something to do with this.



• Key phrase in this story: "...someone had the genius idea to add the Benny Hill theme to this video."

Baseball and an afternoon nap

Watching the Red Sox beat the Rays and taking a nice afternoon nap to help shake off the daylight savings time blues is a hell of a great way to spend an afternoon. I will, however, admit to not knowing half the Red Sox players I watched play today but that doesn't matter.

What matters is that I got to watch baseball this afternoon and that is always a good thing.

*

My wife's computer died several weeks ago and she finally got around to replacing it. Since she already has an iPad, an iPhone and an iPod Touch, she figured she would go all the way and get a Macbook.

Even though it doesn't have a small "i" in the front of it's name. she is very happy with her decision.

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Some links:

• Only in Florida. And for that, I am very thankful...



• College students ain't very bright....



• It's been a while since we've had a drunk on a lawnmower.



• Legislators in action....



• Reminds me of the Cheetos commercial where the cheetah tells the robbers to "Move along now."

It's a full house

All three of our offspring are home with us for the weekend. The eldest will return to complete his studies tomorrow but the other two are here for the week. That means we actually had to go grocery shopping.

My wife and I have been surviving quite nicely on a couple of pounds of coffee, a half gallon of milk, some hot dogs and dining out. Our children, however, still want to graze all day long and since we are good parents, we spent millions of dollars at Costco (at least that's the way it seemed at the time) on Thursday and conducted a followup trip to Stop & Shop to pick up those items that Costco doesn't carry on Friday.

Now we have enough food in our house to feed the population of a small Caribbean nation.

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These are all the links I could find:

• Only in Florida.



• It sounds like a good idea but I'm not sure I'd want to be on that plane...



• I like Jack White. He plays a hell of a guitar and I like his music but more importantly, he has a good sense of humor.

I'm just a bit forgetful.

After looking at the postings on this site, I discovered that I never actually posted Wednesday's update. It was saved as a draft but never loaded onto the site.

Oh well, it was just another one of my rants about the government. Let me give you the executive synopsis:

Taking away our rights, blah, blah, blah, giving away our money, blah, blah, blah, nanny state, blah, blah, blah.

This has been your executive synopsis.

*

I cleared my driveway around 5:45 this morning and then got all gussied up for work. Around 7:00, I got into my car, backed out of my driveway and promptly became stuck in the road. And when I say stuck, I mean really, really stuck.

My wife came out and she got in the car and we tried the old "I'll push while you drive" thing. That didn't work very well at all.

Then I got my snowblower and basically clear the road in front of my house. That finally allowed enough traction for me to get my car back into my garage and that was where I left it all day.

Thank goodness for the ability to work remotely.

Oh, and now I realize how badly I need new tires....

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Enjoy these links:

• Key phrase in the story about today's Brilliant Criminal: "Man this is dumb. This is going to get me caught one day."



• We don't pay cops enough money.



• Key confession in this picture: "I would probably follow you into a volcano."



• Only in Florida.

Find the pope in the pizza contest - update.

So apparently it takes just as long to figure out how to elect a pope as it does to actually elect a pope. I'm not sure why but the story around the Vatican is that the Cardinals are still meeting to establish the process.

You'll excuse me for asking but haven't the Catholics been electing popes for hundreds if not thousands of years? This is not the first time this voting thing has occurred so I guess I can't understand why it's taking so long just to figure out how to get started.

Maybe they are trying to make sure that they don't ever again elect someone who happens to bear an uncanny resemblance to Rowan Aktins...

Until then, I guess the world will just have to remain popeless.

*

Here are some links:

• Krazy Kim III might just be crazier than his father, Krazy Kim Jr. who was crazier than his father, Krazy Kim.



• This does not seem like it would be either sanitary or comfortable.



• Um, okay but don't they arrest you for that?



• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Best reader comment: "Not many dads here today."



• ey entry from our favorite police blotter: "7:17 a.m. It was reported that people on West Reserve Drive were driving at least 15 mph under the speed limit."



• Holy crap! An honest answer to a straightforward question! What's next, lower taxes and higher wages?

I got a nice little nap in today.

I had a dentist appointment today and I managed to get in a 5 minute nap while I was sitting in the chair.

I like naps.

*

Here are some links:

• This is a gun law I can fully support. I think the first people that should be arrested are whoever was in charge of the BATF from 2006 through 2011 and the Attorney General.



• This does not sound good. Not good at all. Those people are kinda nuts and we're gonna end up with another Ruby Ridge or Waco before the government decided enough is enough.



• Maybe the Girl Scouts should be issued guns so they can just shoot the bastards.



• Did they really need to say, "No grenades allowed"....



• Crazy Hugo has a replacement: Ladies and gentlemen, introducing Nutty Nicholas.

We need longer weekends.

And when I say "longer", I mean like four days instead of two.

A friend of mine who retired ten years ago has occasionally come back to work with us as a temporary, part-time consultant. He always works the same schedule - Work on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Off on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday.

Oh, and did I mention that he only does this in the winter because during the summer he is busy building a Shelby Cobra in his garage.

*

My youngest has entered the world of radio.

About a month ago, along with a partner named Joe, he started doing a radio program on the college radio station. Their only restriction is that they can't violate any FCC regulations sothat means my youngest cannot swear on the radio.

This, my friends, is a good thing.

*

These links may, or may not, interest you:

• Key phrase in this story: "Can we flag a stranger down? I bet a stranger would help her."



• Only in Canada.



• Has everyone in Connecticut lost their mind?

Have we been sequestered yet?

When is the media going to stop using the verb "sequester" as a noun? Do even know what sequester means?

Sequester (verb)

1. to remove or separate.
2. to retire into seclusion.
3. to take temporarily out of the possession of its owner, esp until the claims of creditors are satisfied or a court order is complied with.
4. international law to requisition or appropriate (enemy property).

I'm not entirely sure how cuts to government spending fit into any of the above definitions.

*

Since it's Sunday, there isn't very much going on. That means you only get a couple of links:

• Some people would say, "He should be beaten and then set on fire." I say that's too much work. Just shoot the SOB and move on.



• 21 things you should know....

GameDay kinda sucks

The Red Sox played an away game today so NESN didn't carry it. That meant I tried to keep track of it via MLB GameDay.

I gave up after two innings....

I certainly hope that during the regular season, GameDay is a little better.

Like maybe a lot better.

Like maybe better in the sense that it actually portrays what is going on with the game instead freezing up and then suddenly telling me what happened at the end of an inning or two.

I can read tomorrows paper and get that information out of the box score.

*

I only find a few links today:

• Here's your Naked Guy in the News story.



• Only in Canada.



• At least they didn't contain any horse meat.



• Only in Pennsylvania.

Bob Woodward is alive and kicking

Years ago, I was at a conference in Florida where the keynote speaker was Bob Woodward. I listened to him and, after he was done speaking, I had the pleasure of meeting and talking to him.

I started the conversation by telling him that I thought his followup to the burglary incident at the Watergate Hotel should be recognized as the point in history that proved the great experiment known as the American democracy was a success.

As a nation, we watched the most powerful man on the planet step down and relinquish his power to a successor without a single gunshot or any paramilitary intervention. He stepped down because two guys with pencils wanted to find the answer to one simple question: "What did the President know and when did he know it?"

I then went on to ask him what he had been doing since then. What new mysteries was he pursuing? He said that he was still focused on keeping an eye on the folks residing in the White House.

I guess he wasn't lying to me...

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You might like these links:

• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Day.



• Scotland has declared a day of mourning.



• Anybody out there want to try this with me?