Not a long day.

Today was actually a normal day.

And thank goodness for that because I'm freakin' tired.

*

Try these links out:

• Key phrase in this story: "It was an honest and genuine mistake."



• When I was a kid, my brothers and I occasionally fought but we never, ever did this.



• People do realize that Rob Ford spends most of his day high as a kite, right?



• He did what!?!?

Long Day today.

I didn't get home until late.

As a matter of fact, I got home too late to take The Dog for his walk and from the way he is looking at me, I don't think he's ready to forgive me for that breech of protocol.

*

I was never a fan of ABBA. They were a bit too "poppy" for me.

But.....

John sends us this link and it made me smile.

A lot.

*

Here are today's links:

• Only in Florida.



• Only in Florida.



• Only in Florida.



• Only in Florida.



• Only in Florida.



• Only someone from Florida now living in New Jersey.

No, I didn't do it.

I did not watch the State of the Union speech, or as it's called now-a-days, the "Hey Y'all! Look What I Done Did!" speech.

From what I gather, the man spent more than an hour talking about how great he is and what a fantastic job he has done.

I also did not watch the State of the State because I know what the state of the state is.

The state of the state is, "It sucks", that's what the state of the state is.

Our esteemed governor can go on and on about how great everything is out in Boston but I invite him to spend a few weeks in Springfield or Worcester. Things aren't quit so rosy out here.

Roads are falling apart, bridges are falling apart, there is no industry moving into the area and there are no jobs worth a damn. The city of Springfield is one of the most crime-ridden cities in the nation and the only hope it has for a future it is as the host of a casino.

If you think a casino is going to help the city of Springfield, it's obvious that you've never been to Atlantic City or Las Vegas.

Let me be the first one to remind you that casinos only help themselves and no one else. Casinos don't care about you, your lack of employment or your crime problems, they only care about how much money you are going to give them.

That old saying, "the house always wins" is very, very true.

*

You might want to click on these:

• Attention criminals: If you are going to drive around with illegal stuff in your car, you should probably wear your seatbelt.



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• Only in New York City.

They got snow down south.

From what I can tell, my sister in North Carolina has, or will have, more snow than we do up here in Massachusetts.

We have snow shovels, snow blowers and snow plows.

They have mint juleps...

*

Is anyone planning on watching either the State of the Union speech or the State of the State speech?

I'm not....

I'm sick and tired of being lied to by the government that is supposed to work for me. Every time someone in either the federal government or the state government opens their mouth, they lie to me.

They don't think they are lying but they are.

*

Only 11 more days until the Olympic Luge competition begins.

Only 13 more days until the Olympic Curling competition begins.

Only 18 more days until Pitchers and Catchers report to spring training.

*

Try these links:

• 90 Flatulent Cows would be a great name for a 1990s techno band.



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• I'm pretty sure I would need more than just a beer.



• It might be time to move to Colorado.

Stop lying to me.

I said this before and I'll say it again: I find it hard to accept anything published by people that consistently lie to me in order to push their own personal agenda.

Do not imply that 3,000 children are murdered by someone wielding a firearm each year.

According to the FBI Uniform Crime Statistics, there was a total of 1,101 murders of people under 18 years of age in the United States?

This is all types of murders, not just those caused by firearms.

It includes all those moms that are a batshit crazy and decide to drown their babies in bathtubs.

It includes all those "baby daddys" who stab their children because they don't have a car seat for them.

It includes those women who need to strangle their children because her boyfriend doesn't like the kid bein' around.

Don't get me wrong, I think we need to get rid of all of the gunslingers we have in this country but more importantly, we need to get a handle on the mental illness and general stupidity that is rampant in our society.

Seems like every person with a grudge, a chip on their shoulder or just plain stupid feels compelled (or is the correct word "empowered"?) to murder someone that they think might have slighted them.

We have raised a generation of spoiled, entitled little brats who lash out when they don't get their way and We need to stop doing that. We need to take a step back in time and recognize that we should seriously consider living by the adage our parents and grandparents repeated all the time: "Spare the rod, spoil the child". We also need to recognize that it doesn't "take a village to raise a child", it takes two responsible, loving parents who are older than 16 and understand that their child isn't the second coming of Christ.

*

You can click on these if you would like:

• Key phrase in this story: "...a wonderful BBQ beef rib odor."



• Something tells me he won't be doing that again....



• Key phrase in this story: "God only knows what happened to the doves after they flew off."



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• Teenagers can sleep through anything.

Soon my friends. Soon....

There are only 20 more days until pitchers and catchers report on February 15th. That will be the start of spring training. That will be the start of baseball.

I love baseball.

I love the smell of fresh cut grass.

I love the smell of a recently oiled leather glove.

I love the sound of a wooden bat connecting with the baseball.

I love the watching some kid leap through the air and catch a line drive in the webbing of his glove.

Soon my friends. Soon....

But until then, I've got my other favorite sport too look forward to.

*

Here are some links for you:

• Only in Florida.



• Suddenly I have a new found respect for high-school cafeteria ladies.



• Oops.



• This is why they invented the internet.

Daisuke Matsuzaka is now a New York Met.

I have no idea how much the Mets are going to pay him to pitch for them in the minor leagues but whatever it is, it will probably be too much. The man hasn't pitched a good game for the last three or four years.

And that is why I'm happy the Red Sox didn't make any real offer on that Tanaka kid. You never know what you're gonna get from a Japanese pitcher who is suddenly thrust into the spotlight of the MLB.

*

Here are a few links:

• Only in Florida.



• Only in Florida.



• Only in Florida.



• Only at WalMart.



• It should be against the law for lawyers to send letters.

These four day weeks are killing me.

You can enjoy these links while I fall asleep early in my recliner.

• We here at The DailyNews have always liked Sheriff Joe.



• Key phrase in this story: "She faulted the trooper for running into her."



• I'm pretty sure the last person I want to buy a pizza from is a drunk, fat golfer.

Grady Sizemore?

The Red Sox signed Grady Sizemore to a one year minor league contract with an invitation to camp.

No offense to the folks that made this decision but Grady Sizemore hasn't played baseball since 2011 and to be honest with you, he didn't play too much 2011, 2010 or 2009. The guy has suffered more injuries than Jacoby Ellsbury ever had and now they are thinking he might be able to play center field in Boston?

This is why I'm not in charge of any decisions for the Red Sox. I would look at a guy like Sizemore and say, "He's 31 years old, hasn't played baseball for at least 3 years, he has bad knees and center field in Fenway Park is one of the hardest outfield positions in all of major league baseball. Nah, I think I'll pass."

On the other hand, if Sizemore can get back to even 75% of his previous playing skill, it'll be a hell of a deal. They are paying him $750,000.00 for the minor league contract and $6,000,000.00 if he makes the team. That's pretty cheap for a guy who the last time he played a full season (2008) hit 33 home runs, got a hit 3 out of every 11 times he was at bat, got on base 3 out of every 8 times he was at bat, was an All-Star, won a Golden Glove, won a Silver Slugger and came in 10th in the vote for AL MVP.

Maybe this will work out but if it doesn't, they still have that Bradley kid and it only cost them $750,000.00. That's chump-change to the Red Sox owners.

*

These links are for you:

• Pfffttt.... Rednecks....



• Key phrase in this story: "I think we've all learned a very important lesson today."



• This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?



• Yes! My childhood suspicions are vindicated.

Short Day = Short Post

I took a half day off today to take mom to the doctors at 10:00 this morning. Turns out we didn't see the doctor until 11:15 and he is a seriously talkative doctor.

I was originally thinking I would get in to the office by 11:30 or so but it didn't work out that way. I didn't get to the office until 1:30.

That was the longest doctors appointment I think I've ever been to.

*

So anyways, since I didn't have a lot of time. These are the few links I managed to find:

• Hello.... McFly.... (grab in headlock, rap knuckle on head)



• In less than 3 weeks, there will be Curling!



• OUCH!!!



• No, really officer, she looked just like a rabbit....

I'm tired.

Long Day = Short Post.

*

I did find these for you:

• Something else for the yuppies/hipsters to start fighting about.



• I think the authorities should just shut up because this is what is known as Survival of the Fittest. Any kid that is stupid enough to snort candy deserves to be infested with brain-eating maggots.



• Only in Florida.

I like three day weekends

I think every weekend should be three days long. Maybe even four days long.

This "work five days, take two days off" thing is no fun at all.

*

Finally, the man says something I agree with.

He's right you know, it's no more dangerous than alcohol.

The only reason booze is legal and marijuana is illegal is because back in the early days of this nation, the federal government figured out how to tax alcohol. Back then, they couldn't figure out how to tax what was basically a weed that anyone can grow in a small plot of land.

Now that they know how to tax the stuff, they are moving closer and closer to legalizing it. And let's face it, it should be legal.

Then again, he's said a lot of things I think are bullshit.

*

Here are some links:

• Oh perfect. Now we gotta put up with this crap from appliances.



• I suppose the dog got off scot-free.



• HP is trying to clean up Microsoft's mess.

It's quiet. Almost too quiet....

My youngest is back at school and once again, our house is quiet. It's just my wife, The Dog, the cats, the rodent and myself.

Now if I can just get my sleep schedule back on track, I should be okay.

*

I visited with Pat the other day. He is doing very well and seems to be overcoming any health issues left over from his week long visit to the large healthcare facility.

He continues to pack his belongings in the hopes of one day actually moving out of his house in Springfield and moving into his house in Ludlow.

I continue to bust his ass about how long it's taking him to pack his belongings and move out of the most crime-ridden city in Massachusetts into a pleasant little bedroom community.

One day, it will happen and Pat will be a happy man.

Then I'll have to find something else to bust his ass about.

*

Here are a few links for you to click on:

• Wait. Does this mean my lawn mower is named after a city?



• Key phrase in this story: "I think what I heard is that if you like your privacy, you can keep it."



• The federal government has been collecting taxes from us since 1861 and they still can't get it right. What worries me is now they are in charge of our health care....

Open letter to the folks of Los Angeles

Dear Los Angelenos,

You live in the desert. Expect it to be dry and arid. The only reason you have water at all is because William Mulholland built an aqueduct from a river in the Sierra Nevada Mountains to the Los Angeles basin.

I would like to feel bad for you but I find it hard to have any sympathy for people that chose to live in a seismically active desert that occasionally bursts into flame.

Sincerely,
All of us living in areas of the country that are capable of supporting human life.

*

Here are some links:

• Oops.



• The Japanese are holding a staggering lead in the race for Craziest Humans on the Planet.



• This is wrong on so many levels that I can't even begin to fathom the depths of it's wrongness.

I'm tired.

My sleep schedule seems to have become a little screwed up. I find myself falling asleep at 8:30 at night and waking up at 3:00 in the morning.

Trust me, that schedule kinda sucks.

I need to shift it to something like 10:00 at night until 5:00 in the morning because that way I won't be struggling to stay awake at my desk at 2:00 in the afternoon.

*

You can try these links out if you want:

• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Month.



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminals of the Week.



• Pretty soon we aren't going to have any civil rights left.



• The fashion industry is made up entirely of retards.

Long Day = Short Post

Since I took yesterday off, I was kinda inundated today.

That means I didn't have a lot of time to surf for stuff.

*

You can click on these if you want:

• I coached baseball for 10 years and not once during that entire time did the thought of suing one of my players ever occur to me.



• Meet Bob Kuba, the newest member of the A-Team.



• How come stuff like this never happens in Washington?



• Oops.

Mom looks pretty darned comfortable in her recliner.

I picked her up earlier than planned this morning which is good because when I got there, she had everything she owned in a bag and was ready to leave. It was pretty obvious that she wanted to go home and she didn't want to wait any longer than necessary.

After 5 weeks, I don't blame her. That's a long time to be away from your home.

After she got settled in, a few of her friends stopped to see her and I suspect that as her stamina improves, she'll start wandering the building and visiting with people.

After lunch, she took a nap in her recliner and I took a nap on her couch. I guess the old saying, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree is true.

After I left her, my brother and his family visited with her and made her a nice dinner.

Next up will be my sister who is planning on spending the night with her. I can attest to the fact that while her couch is kinda short, it is comfortable. Since my sister is kinda short, she should have no problem getting a good night's sleep.

Tomorrow starts the home health care visits and I am hoping those go well.

We may be a little overly concerned but she's our mom and we're gonna do what we need to do to make her as comfortable as possible.

*

While I was sitting with her, I did a little surfing and found these links:

• Pffftttt.... Hippies....



• Yes, alcohol was involved. Also a talking bird.



• More proof that our species is kinda stupid.



• Researchers: Contributing to the betterment of our society or... Never mind the second part. Let's just all agree that sometimes they're contributing to the betterment of our society.

I'm taking tomorrow off.

Tomorrow is the big day for my mom. I am picking her up and bringing her home where she will settle back into her routine life. For her, this means enjoying her own bed, her own recliner, her own television and her own friends.

More important to her, it means no one will be poking her or prodding her.

She doesn't like being prodded.

*

I found these links:

• Key phrase in this story: "Rodriguez is holding out hope the courts will allow him to play a sport that wants no part of him for a team that’s dying to be rid of him."



• Get ready folks because either your internet bill is going up or your internet speed is going down.



• Mom of the Year....



• Ouch.



• Who amongst us hasn't wanted to do this.

I am the proud nerd uncle.

Two of my nephews are in the process of building a computer and they asked me to take a look at their component selection. I had Pat, the uber-nerd, take a look and between us, we made few reccomendations and Pat found some components they could have.

They are continuing the fine tradition of nerdism in our family. I'm a nerd, my children are nerds and now my nephews are nerds.

We are one big happy nerdy family.

And for the record, we do a lot of non-nerd stuff as well.

*

We visited Costco and Five Guys today.

It's always fun to visit Costco becasue you never know what you might see. Like the package of 5000 little cups with lids that you can use to carry condiments in your lunch box or the package of 4, one-gallon containers of ketchup because, hey, you can never have enough ketchup.

After Costco, it was over to Five Guys for burgers and fries.

I love Five Guys but I can feel my arteries hardening with each bite.

*

These links contain information you may like:

• Key phrase in this story: "Why don't you ask him? I'm sure he would be happy to tell you."



• Only in Florida.



• They may not be wrong....

Back to school

My daughter made her way back to school today so that means our youngest will now be the recipient of our complete and undivided parental attention.

I'm betting he is overjoyed...

*

You can visit these links:

• Only in Florida.



• Researchers: Contributing to the betterment of our society or a complete waste of perfectly good oxygen?



• Key phrase in the story: "...he will pay them to put a slice of Swiss cheese on his genitals..."

The Yankees need a third baseman.

I have no idea what evidence the MLB showed to the arbitrator but Alex Rodriguez is going on an unpaid vacation for the entire 2014 season and the Yankees need a third baseman.

I was listening to an interview with Bob Costas this afternoon and he said something that made a lot of sense to me. He said, and I'm kinda misquoting here because I was kinda napping when he said it -

"You have access to the best trainers on the planet. You have access to the best nutrition on the planet. What the hell are any of you doing with the phone numbers of guys like that?"

He asks a good question.

Why would any ball player, knowing that the MLB is looking to eliminate performance enhancing drugs (PEDs), even think about talking to someone who said, "Hey, pal, I got something for you."

Yes, I understand the temptation of taking a little pill that makes you better at your job and helps you earn more money but still, you need to draw a line. You need to have enough smarts to say enough is enough.

Then again, no one ever said baseball players were smart.

*

Here are today's links:

• You have got to love dogs.



• They should also let her know that death will end her life.



• Japan continues to maintain a strong lead in the Craziest People On The Planet contest.

A bridge too close.

The governor of New Jersey is in some hot water because it appears that his office (maybe him, maybe not him) ordered the closing of some toll booths on the George Washington bridge. This caused the New Jersey side of the bridge to back up for four days and there is some talk that a woman in Fort lee died because an ambulance couldn't get to her.

Recently, some emails have come out that show the Governors staff and the Bridge Authority staff having conversations about "punishing" Fort Lee (the New Jersey end of the bridge) because the mayor of Fort Lee refused to endorse the governor during his last re-election campaign.

According to the various media outlets and some government authorities, there are a lot of un-answered questions about who knew what, who did what and why did they do it.

Here's what I think:

• I think somebody was pissed off at the mayor of the city of Fort Lee, New Jersey for his refusal to endorse Chris Christie.
• I think that somebody who was pissed off was the governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie.
• I think he expressed his pissed offness for the mayor to one of his staff members.
• I think that particular staff member decided to punish the mayor, and the city, for hurting his beloved governor.
• I think that particular staff member talked to several other individuals and a plan was hatched.

• I think that Chris Christie never once said, "Hurt the people of Fort Lee and punish the Mayor by closing the bridge."

• I think this is a case of some pretentious, petty, nasty, snot-nosed little bureaucrat who thought to themselves, "What's the sense of having the power to cause unnecessary suffering if I never use it! I'm going to make them suffer just like all those flies I used to pull the wings off of!"

I like Chris Christie.

I think he is one of the few politicians out there who is capable of understanding both the liberal viewpoint and the conservative viewpoint. I also think he is one of the few politicians out there who is willing to work for a reasonable solution instead of simply taking the, "I'm right and your wrong!" stance that most politicians take.

I hope he overcomes this smear on his record and eventually runs for president. I'd consider voting for him.

But until the questions, "who knew what, when did they know it and why did they do it" are answered, I don't trust him.

*

These links may entertain you:

• Key phrase in this story: "...decided in his drunken stupor that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his anus..."



• Only in Massachusetts.



• Key phrase in this story: "...Lynx deodorant - a Christmas present to Mathew from Kerry’s parents..."

It was downright balmy out there today.

My thermometer showed a temperature of 11 degrees this morning. That meant I only had to let my car warm up for ten minutes instead of the usual fifteen...

*

Looks like mom will be heading home next week.

This news makes her and all of us (her offspring) very happy.

She's had some difficult times and she has worked hard to improve her situation. She deserves to go home, sit in her own recliner and sleep in her own bed.

*

Here are some links to click on:

• Add this to the list of ways I don't want to die.



• Thank goodness our government is tracking these things for us.



• Proof that our species is kinda stupid. Also, is the fact that the town name is Flambaeu simply a coincidence?



• "Your honor, it's all his fault. I only fired a warning shot. He's the one who moved his head in front of my gun."



• More proof that our species is kinda stupid.



• Only in Florida.



• Even more proof that our species is kinda stupid.

Long Day = Short Post

Today was one of those days where I didn't have any time to for frivolity like surfing the interwebs. I was flat out busy and running late for almost everything I had to do.

That means you get no in-depth analysis of the days events and only these few links:

• I'm not entirely sure what is the weirder part of this story...



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• I wonder if this shortage is connected to this shortage.

It's hard to stay awake in the afternoon

During my recent vacation, I managed to take a nice little nap almost every afternoon and it seems I've gotten used to that. Around 2:00 this afternoon, I found myself at my desk with half closed eyes and my head bobbing up and down like one of those bobble-head dogs that people used to put on the rear deck of the car.

I never understood why people put those things on the rear deck of the their car because in the event of an accident, it became a missile aimed right at the back of the drivers head.

How the hell did our species survive the 1960s?

*

Here are some links:

• Only in Florida...



• ...and also Springfield.



• Japan: Maintaining the title of The Weirdest Country on the Planet.



• Key phrase in this story: "...he was unable to explain why he didn't return to his apartment."



• Key entry from our favorite police blotter: "The resident also wanted to report future barking dogs."

Another year has passed with me not hitting the lottery.

Maybe 2014 is my year to win big! Maybe it's the year that I'll become independantly wealthy!

Yea, right....

*

The company I work for has installed multiple electric car charging stations in the parking lot and there are at least 10 cars always plugged into them. It's a good deal for the employees because they get free electricity and it's a good deal for the company because they get to write off the expenses.

Now comes my question:

The state and the federal government tax the crap out of a gallon of gasoline so they can pay for the roads I drive on. How are all the people driving electric cars paying for the roads they drive on?

It never seemed fair to me that I had to pay for the roads being used by those annoying bicyclists but now it seems extremely unfair that I am also paying for the roads being used by electric cars.

They need to pay their fair share.

And for the record, don't give me any of that, "But I'm saving the environment!" crap. No one ever said that saving the planet was cheap.

*

Try these links:

• Key phrase in this story: "Brian I don't mean to alarm you but I think there's a crocodile in the pool."



• I have brothers and I can honestly say that I never threatened to knife any of them.



• Only in New Jersey.

Much warmer today

It was a balmy 22° at my house this morning.

*

Not much to prattle on about today. I'll just leave you with these links:

• Key headline: "This Is The Most Convenient Car Crash In History."



• This should be easy - look for a bunch of drunks staggering around bragging about all their "free" beer.



• Man, those people in Iowa really know how to drink...

It was just a little bit chilly this morning.

Back on July 19th, I posted this picture:

At 6:20 this morning, I had to deliver my daughter to a friends house and I took this picture:

Welcome to Massachusetts where we apparently have a temperature range of 114 degrees over the course of a year....

*

You might enjoy these links:

• Proof that there are some seriously stupid people in our society.



• Key phrase in this story: "I need to start going to the gym he goes to."



• Proof that there are some seriously stupid people in our society.



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• Ouch....



• I'm betting this is probably a pretty popular course of study...

Reminds me of an old joke....

Hey ladies, how can tell that weather forecasters are male?

They tell you that you're gonna get 10 inches but you only end up with 4.

*

The joke I provided above is funny. It contains the requisite amount of humor to be deemed funny and it can be used in almost any situation where there is a measurement of length.

It's funny because I know what funny is. I'm a reasonably funny guy.

Oh sure, I'm no Robin Williams or George Carlin but I'm capable of recognizing humor and displaying it in appropriate ways.

Despite his belief that he is a funny guy, Michael Mosca is not funny. He has no idea what funny is. He is not funny at all. He might be dumb as freshly poured concrete and probably more than a little drunk but he is definitely not funny.

*

Here are some links that you can visit:

• Key phrase in this story: "...if you have a cellphone, you might want to call for help before torching your car and belongings to keep warm."



• Only in Pennsylvania.



• Key phrase in this story: "It was one of 1,132 toilet rescues in England, Wales and Northern Ireland in 2013..."



• Only in Florida.



• Key phrase in this story: "When the chief minister gives you a minute by minute update on his bowel movements … hail democracy."

Back at work...

Man, this work stuff is hard. I'm completely wiped out.

I think I need a vacation....

*

I managed to get up at 5:30 this morning and now I'm going to fall asleep in my recliner.

While I do that, you can visit today's links:

• Can someone tell me why this matters?



• Key reader comment: "History will remember... the Boston Toe Party."



• His name is David but all his friends call him Igor.

I managed to stay awake until 10:30 last night

I woke up at midnight, mumbled "Happy New Year!" to my wife & daughter and then promptly fell back to sleep in my recliner.

What can I say, I'm old.

*

Remember, you should no longer write '2013' on your checks.

Assuming you still use checks,

As opposed to the rest of us in the 21^st century who use the ATM, direct deposit and ACH transactions.

*

I wonder how that whole ObamaCare thing is going?

*

I highly recommend the movie, RED 2. It has all the humor of RED with a decent plot twist towards the end.

*

Only 45 more days until pitchers and catchers report.

Just sayin' is all.

*

While I contemplate the end of my vacation, you might enjoy clicking these links:

• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Week.



• Key phrase in this story: "...she refused to work with him, citing the penis incident as her reason."



• Only in Florida.



• Damn. I was kinda hoping he had....



• Only in America.