Another month with no tornadoes.

Not bad. We made it through both June and July with no over-zealous weather or other natural disasters and our Esteemed Governor didn't declare my little town a disaster area.

And that, my friends, is a good thing.

*

Once again I find myself the recipient of a reasonably long day. That means you get a reasonably short post.

Besides, the Red Sox are playing shortly....

*

Here are some links:

• You know something, they got enough problems as it is. They don't need to do things like this to themselves. Idiot.



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Day.



• Only in Florida.

Attention Rina Cutler:

Rina is the Deputy Mayor for Transportation and Public Utilities of the city of Philadelphia and she was quoted in this story as saying, "One of the messages will certainly be 'pick your head up' — I want to say 'nitwit,' but I probably shouldn't call them names."

Well, we here at The DailyNews© would like to say to Rina, "Yes, you should call them nitwits because that's what they are. And maybe if the government called them nitwits instead of trying to protect them from themselves, we would have fewer laws restricting our personal choices and people would eventually come to the conclusion that being stupid is, well, stupid."

*

Not much going on today except that I'm pretty sure they finished working on my window. And that's a good thing because I now have a window that won't fall off the front of my house one day when I least expect it.

*

Here are todays links:

• Researchers: Contributing to the betterment of our society or a complete waste of perfectly good oxygen? We report, you decide.



• Let's face it, sometimes us people of the guy persuasion just ain't very bright....



• We don't pay cops enough.

Apparently all the good movie ideas have been done.

They are releasing a remake of the classic 'Ahhhnould' movie, Total Recall.

I'll never understand why they would remake a poorly acted sci-fi movie but they did and since I like sci-fi, I'll probably watch it - just as soon as it comes out on Netflix.

*

My day was spent sanding, staining and applying two coats of urethane to the inside of my freshly-repaired window. It probably would have only taken me three hours if the quick-dry one hour urethane was telling me the truth and it really did dry in an hour.

Unfortunately, the urethane lied to me and it took about 3 hours to dry before I could apply the second coat.

I hate when urethane lies to me.

*

I managed to find a couple of links between apply coats of stain and urethane:

• Presenting this episodes Not Very Bright Criminal of the Day.



• Here's a tip for anyone planning on visiting Portland, OR: Don't drink out of any water fountains.

They are still fixing my window.

My wife thinks they want to move in with us....

*

The Red Sox have a firm lock on last place and it is beginning to appear that they will remain there until next April.

Oh well, that's the way it goes sometimes. I've been a fan of the Red Sox since the 1960s and I've seen them suck worse than this. Hell, during the late 80s, they were so bad that no one, and I mean no one wanted to go to their games.

If I could ever sit down with Cherington, I think I'd tell him that it might be time for new experiment. It might be time to clean house and bring all those kids from Pawtucket up to play.

That would be a cool experiment and let's face it, they couldn't possibly do any worse than the veterans.

*

Here are some links you can click on:

• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Month.



• Only in China.



• Attention Republicans - Here's a bit of news for you if you are planning on attending the convention in Tampa.



• Don't mess with Nantucket. They'll sink your a$$.



• It's one thing to be an idiot but it's an entirely different thing to announce your idiocy on a giant billboard.

I need to move to another state.

When someone says, "Hey! Where are you from?", I'm finding it more and more embarrassing to admit that I'm from Massachusetts.

The mayor of Boston, The not-quite-so-honorable Thomas "Tommy Mumbles" Menino, makes an ass out of himself and most of the city when he wrote a letter on city stationary threatening to ban a business from opening a new store. Menino wrote the letter because the CEO of the company said he thinks marriage should be between a man and a woman.

Then, after every lawyer in the country offered to sue the city on behalf of the company, Menino says, 'I didn't mean that in an official way. I was just expressing my opinion.'

The man is an idiot yet the idiots in the city keep re-electing him.

Wait....

I guess I just explained why an idiot keeps getting elected - he's being elected by idiots.

*

Here are todays links:

• Yes, both alcohol and stupidity were involved.



• Only in Florida.



• You know what, Screw United Airlines. I know a lot of servicemen and I have a friend who has TBI. I also know a few people with service dogs. You know a service dog when you see one. They are quiet and protective. There is no way anyone should ever feel compelled to kick a service dog. So to that I say Screw United Airlines. A$$holes....

I took the day off.

Aside from not getting very much sleep last night, I had some workers here to repair our front window.

Seems that when they built my house back in the early 1970s, they decided that a sheet of 3/4 inch plywood was enough to support the front window. And I'm sure they were correct because at the time, it was a single pane, multi-light spruce window.

Then along came us and our decision to replace our windows....

We had those old drafty, light-weight single pane windows replaced with double pane vinyl-clad aluminum and steel windows about 4 years ago and over that time, the front window has begun to sag and pull away from the house. I noticed it a few months ago and we figured that we either better do something about it soon or plan on having a lot of the outdoors in our living room.

So anyways, I took the day off so I could be here while they were working.

And take some naps.

*

Oh, and just so you know, the key phrase in this special weather announcement from the National Weather Service is: "AN ISOLATED TORNADO OR TWO CAN NOT BE RULED OUT ACROSS WESTERN MASSACHUSETTS AND NORTHERN CONNECTICUT LATE THIS AFTERNOON AND EVENING"

If I am reading the NWS correctly, we have a 45% chance of wind gusts in excess of 50 knots (58mph) and a 10% chance of wind gusts in excess of 65 knots (75mph). We have a 30% chance of damaging hail and a 5% chance of a tornado.


I have filled every gasoline receptacle I own and placed my electrical generating plant on high alert. I hate tornado's and I'm not overly fond of damaging hail....

*

If the weather guys are wrong (and they usually are), I'll add some links this evening. If they are right, it might be several days before I add any links....

*

As promised, here are some links:

• Not only is this in a Walmart, it's in a Walmart in Florida.



• Ruby is my hero.

My main router is dying.

For the last 5 days, my main router has been displaying some rather interesting issues including, but not limited to, delivering a maximum speed of 2.5mbps on a Charter internet connect that delivers almost 30mbps. As much as I'd like to blame Charter for the problem, I can't. It's all me.

That means I need a new router and I need one soon. Both my wife and I work from home quite a bit and the loss of the internet could have some rather nasty implications.

That, and the Netflix is running slowly....

*

Since my internet is running extra slow, I only have a few links for you:

• It's official - the Koreans are crazier than the Japanese.



• Key phrase in this story: "Wild Natterer's bats get a double-size meal of copulating flies."



• I would have "released" him too - right into a giant pot of boiling water and then bucket with a pound of melted butter.



• Is everyone in the Kennedy family on some kind of drug? Seems like every time one of them gets into a mess, we find out they were on some medication.

Still not enough rain.

Based on my wealth of hydrologic knowledge, I can say without any reservation that we need way more rain than we are getting.

And if you believe me, you are a silly person. Not only do I not have any "hydrologic" knowledge, I'm not even sure "hydrologic" is an actual english word.

*

The Dog does not like thunderstorms or fireworks. Whenever he sees a bright flash or hears a loud boom, he looks at my with eyes that say, "MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!"

At 3:00 this morning, mother nature decided to put on a show for us by rolling a nice little thunderstorm over my house. The storm woke me but it was The Dog that kept me awake. He was either pacing back and forth next to me or he had his head up against mine, softly whining.

At 3:30, I had him up on the couch with me rubbing his head & ears and watching television.

At 4:00, he was sound asleep with his head in my lap. I, however, was wide awake.

At 4:30, he was still sound asleep, drooling on my leg and I was still watching very bad television.

At 5:30, he got up and walked into the kitchen with me. He laid down and fell asleep while I made the coffee.

At 5:45, we were back on the couch. He was asleep, drooling, and I was watching the news.

At 6:00, I went upstairs to shower and he laid down on his bed to take a nap.

I went to work and spent my day trying like hell to not fall asleep in the middle of one of many meetings. He spent the day on the couch, taking naps.

There are times when I think that I spoil my dog but that's because he is, after all, the best dog ever.

*

Got some links for you:

• She left this world twice before but this time, she won't be coming back. God Speed, Sally Ride.



• And so it begins...



• I had forgotten all about "The Weekly World News". It's the best.



• He's not as dumb as he looks....



• I'm gonna be definitely watching the Olympics this year.

We need a whole lot more rain than we got.

My guess is that we need at least a week of steady rain to fill the streams and reservoirs back up.

I drove over the south end bridge the other day on my way to Agawam and I noticed that the Connecticut River looks like it's down about 8 to 10 feet.

And even though 8-10 feet may not sound like a lot, trust me, it's a lot.

*

Let's chat a bit about Colorado versus Texas.

In Colorado, a deranged mentally deficient murderer walked into a movie theater, killed 12 people and wounded numerous others. Pundits and the media immediately began calling for tighter gun controls, governors around the nation ordered flags lowered to half mast, every bit of the victims lives have become national news and a reason to mourn and every politician on the planet is busy issuing statements to help themselves get re-elected.

In Texas, a deranged mentally deficient murderer loaded 23 people into a pickup truck and smashed them into a tree at a high rate of speed, killing 13 of them (including two babies) and injuring the others. Pundits and the media are not calling for tighter Ford F-250 restrictions, governors could care less about the dead, there will be no lowering of flags and there isn't a poitician on the planet that wants to get anywhere near this because the victims were all illegals.

The major differences here are that the first twelve were killed by a gun and they were citizens. The second thirteen were killed by a car and they were not citizens.

I'm thinking our society is a little screwed up. Not because we mourn for the twelve but because we ignore the thirteen.

Just sayin' is all....

*

Here are some links:

• Only in Florida.



• Am I the only one that thinks it looks like a poorly drawn male appendage?



• Here's your Naked Woman in the News.



• Here's a bit of advice: If you are driving a stolen car, don't pull onto the side of the road and take a dump.

The Red Sox have gone back into suck mode.

They were doing pretty well until Becket and Lester started to fall apart.

Those two are supposed to be the "aces" of the pitching staff yet it seems like neither one of them can get out of the first inning without giving up 3, 4, 5 or more runs. By the time the Red Sox get up to bat, they're in the hole by 5 runs.

You would think that the "aces" would get through at least one inning without giving up a run....

*

Other than keeping an eye out for retarded wood peckers and watching the Red Sox get their ass kicked, I didn't do much today. It was to nice a day to spoil it with any kind of worky thing.

*

I did find a few links for you:

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Only in Pennsylvania.



• Maybe I should do this.

I got me a wood pecker

Hey! I'm talking about a bird, you dirty minded....

Seems that a wood pecker has taken a shine to the back corner of my house, near my daughters room. It has poked a few holes into the shakes and this caused me to get out my ladder, grab a few cedar shakes I had sitting around and transform myself into "Handy Man! Ta-Ta-Daaahh"

Fortunately, when I ripped the damaged shakes off, I didn't find any insect damage so either the wood pecker is retarded or it simply likes banging it's head against the side of my house.

I told my daughter if she hears it again, let me know and New Ol' Bess & I will go have a talk with the bird....

*

Here are a few links you might want to click on:

• I'd say it was "Only in Florida" but I've seen this happen in Wilbraham at a 10-12 lacrosse game...



• I realize this is cruel of me but I laughed out loud when I read the line,"Witness Jonathan Correll says he heard screams of agony."



•  You gotta love the Chinese....



• Oops....

Thank goodness it finally rained.

Now all the crabgrass that is growing where once I had a lawn will flourish and be green.

And as long as it's green, I'm okay with that.

*

Tough afternoon for a lot of us who went to the wake for our good friend Joe. It shouldn't be this way but it is and I guess we all have to just take a deep breath and move on.

*

In honor of my friend Joe, who was a loyal reader of The DailyNews©, here are todays links:

• Key phrase in this story: "I figured my best bet was to stay clear and let him go about his business."



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Week.



• No thanks....



• Only in Walmart.

Finally, a break from heat and humidity.

It was a nice day today. Too bad I had to work.

*

Hey John or Mark - Isn't this against the law?

Those bike racks are a pain to put on and take off so I'm betting that guy has been driving around with that license plate covered for at least a few weeks

*

Today, I received 33 email messages in my inbox. Two are from fellow human beings that I actually want to hear from, one is from Amazon, one is from me (the picture above) and one is from NewEgg. The other 28 are from a spam-generating machine run by someone that I would like to stab in the face. This spam-generating machine seems to think I want larger breasts, a bigger penis, more health insurance, a cheap rolex and protection from computer viruses.

I'm hoping that tomorrow I only have four or five email messages in my inbox....

*

Here are some links you can click on:

• Key phrase in this collection of stories: "Our secondary objective is to eliminate the ride with extreme prejudice."



• This could explain why I get insomnia once or twice a year.



• This made me laugh out loud.



• Key phrase in this story "Her breasts were swinging as she ran to the car."

No tornado today....

....and for that, I'm very grateful.

I hate tornados....

*

Here are todays links:

• So let's see if I got this straight: They'll strip search an old lady in a wheelchair before they let her get on a plane but murders can get on and actually drive the plane around without so much as a howdy-do. Good job there TSA....



• So let's see if I got this straight: Drug runners are hauling thousands of pounds of illegal drugs into this country every day but some guy trying to bring a box of candy home to his kids gets hauled into a small room and interrogated for two hours. Good job there Border Patrol....



• Key phrase in this story: "The 56-year-old managed to walk away from the incident."



• Ouch!

Another toasty day today....

The place I work at lost power at 2:30 this afternoon. I figure that it takes a fairly significant issue to knock that place offline which means it was probably going to be offline for a while.

So I went home.

*

Despite having a team made up mostly of minor league players, the Red Sox have managed to hold their own. Now that several regular players have returned from rehab, they should hopefully begin winning and overtaking.

They are currently tied for third with the Rays in the AL East and only half a game behind the second place Orioles. Granted, they are nine and a half games away from the first place Yankees but this is baseball and anything can happen.

Hopefully what happens is they make headway and overtake the Yankees between now and September.

*

Here are todays links:

• Just in case you've never seen it....



• Ladies and gentlemen, meet Steven St. Bernard, the latest member of the A-Team.



• Look everybody! It's our government in action!



• Here's a double-winner: It's both an "Only in Florida" and "Brilliant Criminal of the Week".

Long Day = Short Post.

Since I've been rather verbose over the last few days and today was one of those long days, I thought I'd give myself a day off.

*

Here are a couple of links:

• Let the games begin....



• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Is "Breaking and Decorating" a crime?

The world became a slightly sadder place yesterday.

My good friend and mentor, Joe "Joey Kneecaps" Zucco passed away yesterday. He was 65 years old and he had a tough last few years but he never lost his sense of humor. He cared about everyone he met and he never had a bad word to say about anyone.

The planet needs more people like Joe, not less.

*

I received an email from a loyal reader who informs me that the big bug from yesterday is called a European Hornet.

Those Europeans are always sending their giant bugs over here. We should pay them back by sending them all of the horse flies we have over here....

*

Here's an interesting bit of news - For every dollar that Willard "I have great hair! And I'm rich!" Romney is spending on television commercials, Barack "I'm the President dammit..." Obama is spending four dollars. And all of the commercials they are producing are what are classified as "attack ads"

That implies two things. One: neither candidate has a good message so they are attacking each other. Two: despite their claims to the contrary, the democrats are wealthier than the republicans.

Unfortunately, both candidates also appear to be completely in lock-step with their respective party. This makes them nothing more than puppets for party ideologies.

Once again, the American public has no idea what an individual candidate stands for and we are forced to make decisions based on bad television marketing.

It's the old "lesser-of-two-evils" deal...

*

I found these links for you:

• Only in Florida.



• Only in Pennsylvania.



• Oh well....



• When I read this, all I could think about was the scene in The Jerk where the bad-shot sniper was trying to kill Navin Johnson and Johnson was running around yelling, "HE HATES CANS!"



• Key phrase in this story from The Sun: "Duane had had a bit to drink and was touching up the bridesmaids."

It's tropical hot out there.

I spent about 15 minutes scraping some paint off my front porch railing this morning and man, it was hot in that sun. I think I'll wait until this evening when the sun is behind the house to paint it.

I'm a little concerned that if I paint it this afternoon, the paint will boil....

*

So I found this little creature dead on my driveway the other day...

He (or she) had a wingspan of about 3 inches and a body that was just as long.

This is what the stinger looked like:

Sure glad I didn't step on it...

*

Here are some links:

• Only in Walmart.



• Here's your Naked Guy in the News story.



• Key phrase in this story: "A big huge guy with a grey shirt. It scared the mess out of me."

Keep those emails coming.

Eventually I'll have an address book again...

*

The key phrase from this story is, "I knew he was in a stolen car. That was just his thing... supposedly he was trying to run over the trooper. That’s not him. He was trying to get away. Same as I’d do if I was in a stolen car... I just don’t get the need to shoot."


So let's see if I got this straight: His friend knew he was in the car because, well, he was always in a stolen car. It was "his thing". I guess that means that if your thing is stealing cars then it follows that trying to get away by running down a cop is the right thing to do.

I mean, he did say, "Same as I’d do if I was in a stolen car", right?

Basically these guys steal cars all the time because it's what they do. It's like when you and I go to work all the time because it's what we do...

And once they've stolen that car, they will do whatever they need to do to not get caught, including running down a cop.

You know what I think?

I think that anyone that tries to hit a human being with a 2,000 pound piece of metal going 40 mph is no different than someone who tries to hit a human being with a 1 ounce piece of metal going 2,000 mph.

...furthmore....

I think that someone worked hard for a year or more to earn enough money to buy that car.

I think that someone worked hard for a year or more to earn enough money to buy that car so they to get to work to earn a living or take their mom to the hospital for dialysis treatments or to get to the store to buy babay formula.

...also...

I think that people who steal cars because it's "just their thing" inflict pain and suffering on hard working people.

I think that people who steal cars because it's "just their thing" are amongst the lowest peices of snake crap on the planet.

...all of which leads me to the conclusion that...

I think it should be perfectly legal to shoot anyone who steals a car.

That's what I think.

*

My friend, who I'll call nhoJ to protect his identity, tells me that I am wrong about health care. His contention is that now everyone will be paying additional taxes (he mentioned a three percent tax on the sale of a home) and that just isn't right.

Well, let me explain myself for all the world to see -

Last year, my son was diagnosed with a devesatating disease and we are fortunate that we were able to afford some of the worlds best care for him. He is once again a healthy, happy man with a full life ahead of him and for that, I am eternally grateful to the good men and women of Baystate Medical Center.

But I am also eternally grateful to the good men and women who provide me with the health insurance that allowed us to pay for his treatment.

I have to be honest with you, if this disease had never hit my family, I would be the first one to
protest against government funded health insurance.

But now I know what it's like to look at your child and see the terror in his face when he is told he has a disease that is killing him.

I know what it's like to be a parent who would do anything to see to it that his child got proper treatment and all I can think about is, "What would I have done if I did not have health insurance?"

What do people without health insurance do when they or their kids are diagnosed with a terrible disease? Do they say, "Oh well. Guess I'm gonna watch my child die now", is that what they do?

If your choices are watching your child die or committing crimes against society to pay for a cure, you'd be the first one in line at the bank with a handgun. You'd beg, borrow and steal everything you had to. You'd commit fraud, larceny, you-name-it just so you could get your child the best medical care you could.

We do not live in some third or fourth world country and I do not like the idea that people must suffer or die because I am against a new taxes. This is not a new tax to pay for some over-sized government building or the "Rose Kennedy Greenway". This is a new tax to provide simple basic health care to those folks who aren't working and can't afford it.

This is a new tax to maybe cure some mothers little baby girl of lukemia or stop some child from dying because of simple a fever.

This is the kind of new tax that I am not willing to protest against because I don't ever want the death of some innocent kid on my hands.

*

So now you know that on one hand, I'm a hard-headed conservative a$$hole, all in favor of stringing up car thieves. On the other hand, I'm a sensitive liberal pinko commie, all in favor of protecting nuns, orphans, baby ducks and unicorns.

You know what? I'm okay with that.

*

Despite having spent numerous hours typing all that up (oh, okay, I'm lying. It only took me about 10 minutes to type all that up), I still managed to go find you some links to click on:

• Key statement from this winner of the Parent of the year Award: "Only God can judge me. That's all I gotta say.



•  Pardon me sir but it looks like you've got a little "candle wax" in your goatee...



• I've said it before and I'll say it again - we don't pay cops enough money.



• Pfffttt... Rednecks....

I lost my address book.

Thanks to Pat and his wonder-gadget, I was able to copy 99% of everything I need from my old laptop hard drive over to my new laptop. There is, however, one major exception - my Outlook Express address book.

Seems that Microsoft decided to encrypt or hide the damned address book and make it impossible for a guy to copy it from one device to another if the old device is no longer capable of running. If I was able to start up my old laptop, I could start Outlook Express and "export" my address book to a format that I could copy over but since my old laptop is kaput, that's not gonna happen.

So the bottom line here is you should all send me an email so I can put your email address into my new address book. And since you're going to send me an email, you should make it an email that includes emails from other people I know.

For instance, if you are, oh, I don't know, maybe my sister or something like that, you could possibly be nice to me and send me an email with all of my relatives email addresses in it.

*

Here's a conversation I overheard at work today:

I'm going to Marthas Vinyard.
Oh really? Are you taking the "fairy" to "Gay Head"?
No but I'm pretty sure that we can both get fired for what you just said...

*

Here are todays links:

• Two baths, 2-car garage and "Not Haunted" are always a big selling point.... 



• Here's your Naked Guy in the News story.



• Here's a bonus "Naked Guy in the News" as well as a "Only in Florida" story.



• It's the City of Brotherly Love!

I'm busy moving my data.

Pat has graciously provided me with one of his many fancy gadgets that will allow me to move data from my old busted laptop to my new god-like laptop.

Since this activity is my primary focus this evening, you'll just have to do without my sage wisdom and rapier-like wit.

*

I did find these links for you:

• I'd like to say they were idiots but let's face it, most guys are always looking for a better way to get food.



• Researchers: Contributing to the betterment of our society or a complete waste of perfectly good oxygen? We report, you decide.



• Key phrase in this story: "Authorities are currently investigating whether alcohol was a factor..."



• I don't think this was a "poorly-thought through act" at all. As a matter of fact, I'm thinking it's truly brilliant!

Mistakes have been made and corrected.

Last night, when I posted my little ramble about the Elbonians and their DNS servers, I accidentally cut out the last paragraph. It might have been inattentiveness on my part or it might have been the myriad of adult beverages I had while reminiscing with John.

Whatever excuse I choose, it's all behind us now. I corrected the mistake by putting the final paragraph back into it's proper place.

Once again, all is right with the world.

*

Tonight the All Star game will be played and I will watch it.

Well, I'll watch some of it.

All right, I'll turn on FOX at 8:00 and see if I can stay awake long enough to watch the first few innings.

*

Here are some links:

• Only in New Zealand.



• No one told me about this. We need to make note of this for next year.



• Key phrase in this story: "They believe the horse was stung on the genitals when it was in the display arena and became distressed."



• Jersey Girls ain't too bright.

Did anyone lose internet access?

I assume since you are reading this you still have access to the internet and are not one of the estimated 4 million computer impacted by those nasty little Estonians two years ago.

Seems that these five or six guys from some country called Estonia or Elbonia or whatever, created a script that modifed the DNS entry on any computer that activated their script. For those of you with little or no understanding of the internet, DNS is Domain Name Services and it's basically the "Phone Book" for the internet.

If you are interested in the whole story, feel free to read on. Other wise, scroll down to todays links.

...

Still here? Okay then, lets get started:

When you type "www.wastesometime.com" into your web browser, your computer has no idea where "www.wastesometime.com" lives. All it knows is that you want to waste some time.

The way your computer finds out where to go is it first goes and talks to a Domain Name Server (DNS) at your Internet Service Provider.

That DNS server then goes and talks to another DNS server that contains all of the domain names for the ".COM" top-level domain.

The top-level domain server tells your computer the address of the DNS server for the domain "WASTESOMETIME". Once it knows that, your computer then asks the DNS server for "WASTESOMETIME" for the address for the "WWW" server at "WASTESOMETIME.COM".

When all is said and done, your computer knows that the "WWW" server for "WASTESOMETIME.COM" resides at 204.13.162.123 and asks that server to please provide the webpage.

So anyways, those crazy Elbonians figured out that there is a way to tell your computer to use their Elbonian DNS servers to get your information instead of your ISPs DNS address. That "redirection" meant that the Elbonians could now direct your computer to whatever server they wanted to.

If you typed "WWW.MICROSOFT.COM" into your browser, the Elbonian server might return an address that directed your computer to open a web page on the "WWW.HEREISSOMEPORN.COM" server. Or it might open a page that looked just like the Microsoft web page but contained some hidden code that took control of your computer and used it to send out those millions of Cheap Viagra/Breast Enhancement/Rolex Watches/Meet Christian Singles email messages that are constantly ending up in my inbox.

Or even worse, if you type "WWW.MYBANK.COM" into your browser, expecting to connect to your bank, you might be redirected to a web server that presented you with your bank web page but captured all of the information you typed. That meant the Elbonians would now have your bank account information, including the password you use to log in.

So anyways, the FBI managed to find and catch the weasely little Elbonians but when they discovered that over 4 million PCs had been compromised, they figured they should do something to prevent everyone from losing internet access.

They decided to replace the Elbonian 'What DNS servers? We don't have any DNS servers. Oh, those DNS servers. We don't know nothing about those DNS servers.' DNS servers with shiny new FBI 'Trust us, we're not evil like the Elbonians. We're from the government!' DNS servers.

Well, last night around midnight, the FBI shut down its non-evil servers. This caused anyone still infected by the Elbonians to suddenly stop getting address information about the internet. And, as I just explained, if you don't have address information, you can't get what you want.

Sucks to be them...

*

Here are todays links:

• Pffftttt.... Rednecks. (I want one)



• Key phrase in this story that probably eliminated any chance he ever had of 'gettin a little' from his wife: "But men are, as a rule, a little better at such challenges."



• 
  While there is no information on the flavor of the ice cream, I'm betting it was "Rocky Road"....



• Here's your Naked Guy in the News story.



• And this, my friends, is another fine example of why we, as a species, owe an apology to all other species on the planet for the 1970s....

Still functioning for only 10 minutes at a time.

This old laptop of mine is still able of giving me 10 or 15 minutes of run-time before it decides to call it quits and I have to let it cool down.

I'm planning on spending some time at Best Buy with my youngest so he can hopefully figure out what he wants to take to college with him. Once he has his laptop, I'll know what's left in the computer budget and hopefully be able to find one for me.

Or maybe there won't be any money left in the computer budget and I'll have to go back to using that old desktop in the living room.

Man, I don't want to use the desktop in the living room. There's no air conditioning in the living room!

*

And since my 15 minutes are about up, I'll end this now and maybe later on I'll add some links using my shiny new laptop.

Or not.

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July 8, 2012 @ 5:45pm

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Holy Crap!

I am now the proud owner of a new laptop and trust me, it's a beast.

I never realized how slow my old one was until I started using this one. It's fast. Wicked fast.

Here are the bonifides:

Intel i7 generation 3
8GB ram
1TB hard drive
NVIDIA GeForce GT 630M graphics card with 512 vram

Pat, eat your heart out....

*

Here are a few links to enjoy while I have fun playing with my new laptop:

• I can understand the pizza but the other thing, not so much....



• Only in Florida.



• At first, I thought they were talking about Barney Frank or Nancy Pelosi....



• Here's a headline I never thought I'd see.

Only a few minutes....

Since my laptop only runs for about 10 minutes before it shuts itself down and I haven't bought a new one yet, let me make this quick.

*

Red Sox lost to the Yankees last night but since Yankee pitching is worse than Red Sox pitching and they're playing a double header today, there's a pretty good chance the Red Sox will take both games.

Hey, I can dream, can't I?

*

Here are a few links:

• The headline makes you think he might have had something to do with it.



• Only in Pennsylvania.



• Only in Florida.



• Pfffttt.... College students.

Time to think about taking some days off.

It's time for me to give some serious thought to taking some days off. Due to my longevity with my employer, I have accrued a decent amount of vacation time and if I don't start taking it now, I'll end up with one of those Decembers where I'm struggling to use up my vacation days before I lose them.

Trust me, there is no way I'm ever gonna lose any vacation time.

*

Here are todays links:

• I like it.



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Day.



• Yasser and The Radioactive Underwear would be a great name for a bad 1970s boy band.



• This updated view of the game "Monopoly" reflects current housing prices.

The Dog does not like fireworks.

No sir, he does not like fireworks one bit. He spent most of last night pacing around the house, drooling, and staring at me with a look that said, "MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!"

I called him a wuss and told him to lay down. I figured if I could get him to at least remain still, we would only have one drool puddle next to his bed to clean up instead of a drool stream running through every room in the house.

*

My poor old rundown laptop finally decided to give up the ghost last evening.

I gotta be honest with you, that machine gave it's all plus some. Pat bought that laptop and used it for two years. Then I bought it from him and I've beat it like a drum for about 5 or 6 years. That makes that machine about 8 years old which is not bad for a laptop.

So anyways, I need to find a new laptop. Soon.

That, however, might not happen because my youngest is making his preperations for college and one item that he will be requiring is, you guessed it, a new laptop.

My wife says maybe we can get a deal if we buy two of them. I'm pretty sure that most electronic joints don't offer multi-family discounts so unless I manage to hit the lottery or find an long-forgotten uncle who died and left me his fortune, I'm pretty sure one of us is going to have to wait for a new laptop.

I'm also pretty sure that the "one of us" who will be waiting is me.

*

While I shop for laptops, you can click on these links:

• Ladies and Gentlemen: Presenting the world shortest fireworks display.



• Only in Florida.



• You gotta love the headline but it's not what you think....



• Am I the only one that thinks a "hot dog eating contest" is just about as classy as a "hot dog puking contest"?



• Yes, alcohol was involved.

It's Independance Day

 

*

I certainly hope none of you fine law-abiding folks went and acquired any of those things they call fireworks because those fireworks things are illegal in Massachusetts. They're illegal because the people of Massachusetts are too stupid to know how to use them safely.

If you want to use fireworks, you need to find someone from either Connecticut or New Hampshire because those people are apparently smart enough to know how to use fireworks.

We're just simple idiots down here in Massachusetts. Thanks goodness we have a government here to look after us, oversee our safety and protect us from ourselves.

*

Here are some links to hep you celebrate your fireworks-free Fourth of July:

• Key Fourth of July entry from our favorite police blotter: '12:03 a.m. “Everyone” was angry at an Olney man and his fireworks.'



• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Our government in action...

Spent the day in class.

I spent my day in a class not accomplishing much of anything. Not a bad way to spend a day at work.

*

I chipped another tooth today. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. I think it's because I'm getting old and my teeth are getting old.

It sucks getting old.

*

I only managed a couple of links today:

• Bummer.



• You just gotta love The Sun.



• What a loving couple.



• Only in Florida.

Hard to believe it's been 26 years.

I still miss him.

*

I managed to get stuck in a downpour this afternoon and I spent the rest of my day with wet shoes, wet socks and wet feet.

But hey, at least I managed to get to my car and close the windows before the rain hit.

 *

While I dry my shoes and make a valiant, yet fruitless, attempt to stay awake and watch baseball, you can visit these few links that I personally took the time to find for you this evening:

• I wonder where all these "right to choose" people were when the government took away my right to smoke cigarettes?



• Here's a tip - If you're gonna steal someones credit card, use it for something real like food or booze or a new car.



• Be on the lookout for a 12 foot plastic dinosaur.

It's a dogs life.

He loves his frisbee.

*

Yes, it's hot but at least we aren't living in Washington D.C. Those poor bastards are not only dealing with temperatures above 95°, they are also without power. And it looks like they won't have power for at least a week.

Sorta like when we lost power for a week last November. Only difference is while we froze our butts off, they are gonna sweat theirs off.

I think we might have gotten the better end of the deal....

*

Baseball will be played at a reasonable hour today and I will watch it.

*

Saw this today on the internets:

Dear people who think Romeo and Juliet is a romantic love story,

It's the story of a relationship between a 13yr old and a 17yr old that lasted only three days and resulted in 6 deaths.

Sincerely,
All of us that actually read the story.

*

Here are some links

• Best Craigslist ad ever.



• Key judicial statement in this story: "he couldn't believe anybody can be that stupid."



• Hey, she warned him....



• I've said it before and I'll say it again - what bad decisions do you have to make in your life to end up like this