That was no "dusting"...

There was enough slush on the roads this morning to make for an interesting drive into work. I watched the guy in front of me do the side-to-side shuffle when he was pulling away from the light at Wilbraham and Parker. I also noticed that it was cold enough for ice chunks to form on my windshield wipers.

Welcome to New England....

*

So today was opening day and thankfully there was no game at rainy, cold Fenway. The Red Sox played the Orioles down in partly cloudy, 60° Baltimore at 3:00 this afternoon.

The Yankees also managed to avoid a game at the cold, rainy stadium. They opened their season down in sunny, 75° Houston at 8:00 this evening.

I love opening day. It's the start of summer for me as a 12 year old kid.

It's when I can smell the fresh cut grass and the leather of the glove. It's when I feel the smack of the ball in my glove and it's when I hear the crack of the bat.

It's me leading off first base, watching Brian Quirk hit a baseball over the center fielder's head and running as fast as I can for home. It's me in the crouch at third watching John Sullivan throw that perfect slider that catches the corner and leaves the batter with buckled knees.

I consider myself pretty damned lucky because I get to enjoy my childhood all over again just by watching a baseball game. Not too many people can do that.

*

You can visit these links if you would like:

• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• I'm not really seeing a problem with this...



• There is nothing I can say about this that would be funnier than this key phrase: "Steven Cohen wore red satin gloves, platform shoes and a feather headdress as he walked around the popular tourist spot with the rooster attached to his genitals by a white ribbon."

And then there were none

The offspring have left and The Dog is confused.

He's not sure why they don't stay. He loves when they show up and play with him. He gets all happy and there is much joy and barking and dancing and bringing of toys.

Then, all of a sudden, they are gone.

The only upside to them being gone is he gets free reign over their beds.

*

I went to a gun show yesterday and now I know why the government wants gun control.

There was a whole lot of camouflage being held up by many pairs of suspenders and I'm pretty sure most of them hadn't bathed in at least a week.

And why was there a table selling body armor? Who the hell needs a bullet-proof vest? I can understand police and military needing body armor but I'm pretty certain most of the guys I saw there were too damned fat to fit into body armor.

The best thing I saw there was the guy who had the giant sign tied to the back of his pickup truck. It was a four-by-four sheet of 1/2 inch plywood painted white with black hand-painted letters that said, "STOP OBAMAS JIHAD".

And that, my friends, is why people think gun owners are nutcases.

*

Here are some links:

• Only in Florida.



• Speaking of people who want to ban firearms...

Only two

It turned out that our youngest was unable to make it home this weekend. This meant that our oldest didn't have to deviate from his path and he made it home while it was still Friday.

*

For those of you that are interested, here is a preview of the press release that a family friend prepared for me. She is a good kid who will be graduating from Harvard this spring.

Who else do you know that is running for selectman that has a Harvard-educated press secretary? No one, that's who.

Pretty impressive, huh....

*

You can enjoy these links:

• Guys in action....



• Yes, alcohol was involved.

The house is filling.

My daughter arrived home yesterday evening for an appointment she had this morning. Her brothers, not wanting to be left out of any the family fun time, will be arriving here late tonight/early tomorrow morning.

That means that when I wake up tomorrow morning, every bed will be filled with sleeping offspring.

I am, as always, the happy dad.

*

The Town Clerk sent me a letter telling me that my name will appear on the ballot this May.

Guess I better start thinking about letting people know I'm running for office.

*

Looks like Grady Sizemore is going to get his chance. As much as I like Bradley, I think the Red Sox made a good move by giving Sizemore the job.

He'll probably do well and at the end of the 2014 season, he becomes a free agent. He'll have proven that he's back in baseball shape and he'll be able to go out onto the free market to earn a living.

The Red Sox, on the other hand, get a good, possibly great, player for little money and Bradley gets another year in the minors to hone his hitting skills. He'll come to the big show for the 2015 season as the full time center fielder.

It's a win for everyone.

*

You can visit these links:

• Only in Florida.



• This guy has talent.



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• Nathan Severin is not an overly brilliant individual.

I'm starting to get paranoid.

All of those Financial Services television commercials about how no one has enough money to retire and we're all going to end up destitute and eating our deceased neighbors to stay alive are starting to get me little concerned.

What if I don't have enough money? I don't want to eat my neighbor. They're nice people. Well, not all of them. Some of them are self-centered twits but I still don't want to eat them. They probably taste like chicken.

How do I know if I have enough money. Do I make an assumption that I'll live until I'm 100 years old and calculate how much I need? hell, I'm older than my father and his father ever were. I'm damned near Methuselah compared to them so I don't think I'll make it to 100.

So what do I do?

I'm going to wing it, that's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to accept the fact that when I retire, I have what I have and there's nothing I can do about. I'll just have to make sure I stock up on ammo before hand...

*

Try these:

• Why do I have to pay for my health insurance?



• Maybe it's because he was only playing John Travolta songs.



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.

Just a little breezy today.

According to the mostly inaccurate but incredibly boring Weather Channel, we had 20-30mph winds, out in Boston, they had 30-40mph winds and on the cape, they had wind gusts exceeding 60mph.

That's a lot of blowin'

*

I submitted my papers today.

Now I wait to see if they find enough valid signatures.

*

You can click on these:

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Some people might call this "ironic". I call it moronic.



• It's the old, "A lot of electronic things" defense.



• They have to do what? All of them? Everyone?



• We're gonna need a sh!load of mustard...

Another day, another headache.

Lately, I've been dealing with a nagging headache that I know is caused by some sinus issue. I wake up every morning with a slightly jammed up head and a twinge of a headache behind my eyes. It's getting old and I would like it stop.

I'm really hoping it's because of the cold weather and not because of some allergy to something I've suddenly developed.

*

Well, it looks like this is actually going to happen.

Thanks to a lot of people who not only offered encouragement, but also offered to help, I have reached the required 50 signatures. Some folks are even asking about contributions to a campaign fund.

I have no idea what to do about fund raising but I do know that a lot of people get into trouble with those kinds of things. I think I'll just forgo the fund raising thing and rely on good old reliable, and inexpensive, word-of-mouth.

So spread the word folks.

*

Try these links:

• What kind of sick a$$hole does something like this?



• Our school administrators in action.



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• Here's your Naked Guy Only In Florida In The News story.



• Key name in this story: "Dr. Flush".



• Yes, alcohol was involved. And we should start calling them "chilly bins" because that's the best damned name ever.



• Ouch. (Good for her)

Nothing but links today.

I'm a little focused on getting all of my paperwork in order so you only get these links:

• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Day.



• "...my peace I give unto you. John 14:27"

Once again, the house is quiet

Now that all of our offspring are back in the respective living quarters, we are once again living in a quiet house.

The Dog is resting easy and sleeping like the lazy bum that he is.

*

Time for an update on running for selectman:

I still need more signatures but I'm closer to the required 50. I suspect that maybe, just maybe, I might make it before the March 31st deadline.

This has been your update on running for selectman.

*

Here are some links:

• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Day.



• Do not mess with Australian strippers.



• Maybe I should run for governor....

Seventeen down, Thirty Three to go.

I stopped and visited with several friends today and collected their signatures on my nomination papers. Since I know all of them, each stop took me about a half hour.

That means I spent my entire day collecting 17 signatures.

I think tomorrow I will only visit a few people I know and then just go to places where I don't know anyone because at this rate, it'll take me until December to collect 50 signatures.

As for this whole running for office thing...

My problem here is I'm not entirely convinced that I want to be a selectman. There is not only a time commitment, there is also a stress commitment.

I guess I'll figure it out before March 31st because that is when I have to turn the papers into the town clerk.

*

So some of the people I talked to today had a lot of suggestions for me. For instance, one insisted that I get Verizon to install FiOS. Another insisted that I patch each and every pot hole on his street and a third wanted me to know that the schools were screwing the music program.

I told the FiOS people that I was pretty sure that it was up to Verizon to bring FiOS into town.

I told the pot hole guy that I had no specific skills when it comes to asphalt and it would probably be best if the DPW patched the pot holes.

As for the people who think the schools are screwing the music program, I gently told them that the selectmen have nothing to do with the school system, it was the school committee that was in charge of that.

If I do decide to run and if I win, I'm gonna change my phone number....

*

Here is one link for you:

• Yet another reason why I will never set foot in a Golden Corral.

I think I have brain damage.

I have in my possession a set of papers from the Town of Wilbraham that identify me as a possible candidate for the office of selectman. All those papers need are the signatures of 50 registered voters and my name will appear on the ballot.

I decided to get these papers because there is currently only one candidate for a soon-to-be-vacant selectman's seat and that candidate is a 25 year old kid who still lives with his parents.

I got to thinking about it and for some reason it occurred to me that I could contribute more and do a better job. Then again, there are a lot of things that occur to me, some of which might be considered a little crazy by some people....

I have not yet completed the necessary steps to get my name on the ballot so there is still time for me to back away from this nuclear fire. Then again, when I think about the alternative, I feel like someone has to do it and since no one else is stepping up, I might as well go for it.

Wish me luck but keep in mind that if I lose the election, I'm not going to feel bad about it. My primary goal in this is to see to it that the kid doesn't get handed the job by default. If he gets elected, it'll be because the voters gave it to him and I'm okay with that.

Well, maybe not okay with it but I will at least feel like I tried.

*

These links will educate and/or entertain you:

• And I thought we had it bad when the oak leaves came down in the fall...



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• Here's your Naked Chick In The News story. (Yes, alcohol was involved.)



• This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?

Hot showers for everybody!

Several months ago, we began to notice a decided decrease in the amount of available hot water. It wasn't terrible but as time went on, it became worse. When all three of our offspring showed up for the week, it became worse and we contacted the gas company to have them send someone out to check things over.

Just to be clear, we have what is known as a tankless hot water system. Essentially, we have a boiler that provides not only hot water baseboard heat, it also provides on-demand domestic hot water. The problem is when the furnace is providing hot water to heat the house, it seems to have no hot water for our faucets.

Well, the guy showed up yesterday afternoon and said, "Oh yea, I see the problem. It's your aquastatic frangilator. I'll get a new one and replace it."

Once the new frangilating aquastator was installed, we found that we had plenty of hot water in our master bath but the "kids" bathroom shower was still luke warm. This lead me to believe that maybe it was the shower faucet and I made a command decisions to replace the faucets innards. It's pretty simple and you don't need to be a plumbing genius to do it.

So now that we have a new aquastating frangilistic device on our furnace and the kids have new innards in their shower, we seem to have plenty of hot water available for all of our cleansing needs.

Hopefully it stays that way because no one, and I really mean no one, likes a cold shower.

*

The links are here:

• Excuse me? They're gonna ruin the kids life because he decided to act like a kid? Who did he hurt? What damage did he do?



• Key hypocritical phrase in this story: "There will be no funeral, his daughter said."



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Week.



• Another clear case of gun violence.

Late night parties.....

Last night, my offspring decided that it was time for them to have a sibling party that lasted well into the early morning. They were laughing and playing games and drinking alcohol and have a generally good time for most of the night.

Let me clarify that previous statement: The boys were drinking alcohol. It is my understanding that the girl was laughing at them and having a generally good time while drinking water or soda.

So while they stayed up partying all night and then got to sleep late today, my wife and I had to get up to go to work this morning.

That means that I am tired.

I'm not sure about my wife but I assume she is tired as well.

I'm also not sure about The Dog but I assume he did what he always does - lay down in the first sunny spot he sees and sleep all day long.

*

I'm hoping the furnace is fixed and we once again have an ample supply of hot water.

We are all kind of sick and tired of taking cool or cold showers.

*

Here are today's links:

• Can someone tell me why this guy is still alive?



• Only in Florida.



• This is why they invented the internet....

We have a full house.

Our two youngest offspring are currently on spring break and they both decided that a stay at home with mom and dad might be a good idea. My eldest decided that since his brother and sister were at home, he'd come home too because no sense in missing out on any of the cool stuff that mom and dad do all the time.

This means that The Dog is in his glory and every room in our house is occupied.

Hope we don't run out of food....

*

You can try these links out for size:

• So basically he's a chicken thief.



• So basically he's a cat thief.



• And so it begins.

Busy day.

As I've indicated, I'm involved in some things at work that are taking up a lot of my time.

Hopefully things will slow down but that probably won't happen for another 2 or 3 months.

Until then, consider this a minimilistic posting zone.

*

It's some kind of ethnic celebration day today so I hope if it's your ethnicity that is being celebrated, you had a good time and you didn't end up with a OUI.

That would suck.

*

Here are a couple of links:

• When he finally gets around to dying, there should be a thousand people at his funeral all holding signs that say, "Dead Fred is proof that God hates bigoted, loud-mouthed, moronic assholes."



• I'm not sure I would classify her as a "beauty queen"...

Not a good day for the Red Sox.

They ended up losing 8-4 to the Rays this afternoon and it wasn't because they played poorly. It was because the Rays played great.

David Price pitched a full seven innings and during spring training, that's a lot of innings. The norm at this point is four innings but since he was pitching "lights out", Joe Maddon left him in the game.

What, exactly, does "lights out" mean? It's one of those old saying that makes no sense at all but it sure sounds good.

There are a lot of sayings that no longer make any sense but we still use them. Like "draw and quarter" or "keel haul".

As a society, we don't draw and quarter or keel haul people anymore but we keep the sayings around. Maybe we think they scare little kids into doing their homework or something like that.

So anyways, I'm hoping this isn't what the season is going to look like for Boston.

As a matter of fact, I'm kinda hoping for a season like last season.

*

This is what I found today:

• Only in Florida. (Wonder where he's going to use them????)



• Only in Florida. (Love the head wound...)



• Only in Florida. (Watch the first few seconds of the video.)



• Only in Florida. (She looks like a real rocket scientist.)

There is baseball to watch

The Red Sox are playing the Phillies tonight and I need to offer my sage coaching advice.

*

We are in the process of getting estimates to have our driveway ripped out and a new one put in. The current driveway is just about 27 or 28 years old and it's time to replace it.

Oh, and it also has developed a sinkhole of some sort so we figure it's best to take care of that before it starts swallowing our cars.

*

You can try these links:

• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Month.



• Oops.



• I'm betting this turned out to be one hell of a party...

Finally Friday

I am suddenly the target of all kinds of people at work and they are causing me to do a lot of stuff.

For instance, yesterday I spent 4 hours talking to a bunch of people about a process that we created about five years ago. It's still working just fine and I have not once had to go look at it.

That means my four hours with these people was spent with me saying things like, "How the hell do I know...." or  "I wrote the damned thing five or six years ago. I don't remember." or my personal favorite, "Who told you it did that? It wasn't designed to do that and if it does do that, it's probably not accurate."

Today was spent creating some code. I like coding. It's very therapeutic for me to just sit and write, test, write, test and then finally run. Coding to me is like reading a good book. You get to use your brain and imagination.

*

So know that everyone at work is happy (for the moment) and I'm finally home, let's go look at some links:

• What do you expect - he's from Somerville.



• Ladies. Please.  Stop it. The damn seat works just as well in both directions.



• Only in Florida.

Long Day = Short Post

Going through some major changes at work and I'm being invited to more meetings than I know what to do with.

Until this settles down, get used to a lot of Long Day = Short Post kinda days.

*

Try these links out:

• I'm not entirely sure what I can add to this story to make it better...



• Here's your Naked Guy in the News story.



• Stay classy Seattle. Stay classy....

Wax On, Wax Off. Don't forget to breath. Very important.

My life is in balance.

• No one is poking at me to do things but I have plenty to do.
• No one is causing me any stress or anxiety but I feel a sense of urgency when I want to get something done.
• I am not sick but I am lazy.
• I stopped smoking but I eat too much.
• I like my job but I'm looking forward to retirement.
• The Dog loves me but the cats could care less.
• I fall asleep at 8:30 at night but I wake up at 4:30 in the morning.

Yes sir, that's some pretty good balance right there.

*

While I spend my time balancing, you can click on these links:

• This is going to be the best "children's book" ever written!



• What can possible go wrong...



• Yes, alcohol was involved.

Howdy.

Time for an update on the whole daylight savings time thing:

I'm still tired.

This has been your update on the whole daylight savings time thing.

*

If I ever meet Dianne Feinstien, my only question to her is going to be, "So Senator, how does it feel to be violated by the Federal Government? Did you like it? Did you accept it as something you have to put up with to ensure the safety of the nation?"

Between the TSA, the NSA, the FBI and Homeland Security, us non-Senators go through shit like this everyday. Try boarding a commercial plane or buying a gun and you'll know what it's like to be violated.

Personally, I think it's about time that senators and congressmen got a little taste of the evil they unleashed when they voted to approve the PATRIOT act. I think it's about time that our elected officials understand that the beasts they think they control may not be as tame as they think.

Who is watching the watchers?

*

Here are a few links to click on:

• Key phrase in this story: "...he could not recall in his 20 years with the Portland police a similarly ferocious feline."



• Ouch.



• You might want to watch this two or three times.

This time change thing kinda sucks.

It was hard getting up for work this morning. Hell, even The Dog looked at me like I was insane. He just lay there staring at me, doing that one eyebrow raised thing that dogs do and then he rolled over and fell back to sleep.

*

Enough said, let's go look at a couple of links:

• So basically, these two rocket scientists turned a misdemeanor shoplifting charge into a felony armed robbery charge. Morons.....



• Key phrase in this story: "Five passengers ended up not boarding the aircraft".

I still don't like painting.

We painted that room yesterday, then again today and it still needs one more coat. This is what happens when you try to paint a light color over a dark color.

Fortunately, my wife is on break this week and has some time to put that third coat on.

*

I know what I'll be watching this evening:

You gotta love Carl Sagan and Neil deGrasse Tyson.

*

These links may, or may not, entertain you:

• Leave the manatees alone. They aren't bothering anybody.



• Meet the luckiest man alive.



• Only in Florida.

I don't like painting

Now that our offspring are all older than ten, we decided (actually, my wife decided) that is was time to paint and update their bedrooms. That means she does the trim and I do the rolling.

I realize that doing the trim is the hard part and simply rolling paint on the flat walls is the easy part but I still hate doing it.

*

You might like these:

• Only in Florida.



• Very cool.

Long Day = Short Post

I didn't get home from work until late. That means I didn't spend any time on the interwebs looking for interesting stuff to write about.

You'll just have to accept these links:

• Flight crews should carry tasers to use on a$$holes like this.



• Brings whole new meaning to the phrase, "Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition".



• Attention hipsters: You already look like idiots. Take my advice and try not to take it to the next level.



• Fortunately, Tennessee has the death penalty.

What happened to my country?

Right after World War Two ended, the United States set about spreading the joys of democracy throughout the world. Our government on an evangelical mission, preaching that the people of a country should elect their leaders. We were determined to remove all vestiges of dictators who wielded power with a gun.

We fought in Korea and Vietnam against the scourge of communism.

We battled politically, and with some amount of subterfuge, against all of the petty little warlords down in Central and South America.

We told people to stand up and make their voices heard. We told them to vote for their leaders and we would back them all the way.

It was our stated mission to make the world better place through democracy.

So now what are we doing? We are encouraging people to throw out their democratically elected leaders with force and install dictatorships.

Don't believe me? What the hell do you think happened in Egypt? What the hell do you think is happening in the Ukraine?

The president of the Ukraine was a democratically-elected president but since he likes Putin and doesn't like Obama, we think it's okay that a subset of this people seize power and demand his arrest?

In my opinion, we should be encouraging Russia to return the Ukrainian President to power. We should be telling the people over there, "Hey, you elected him. You might not like him but you elected him and if you want him gone, you need to vote for someone else when the elections come around again."

What the hell happened to my country?

*

You might like these:

• Only in Florida.



• This is a pretty damned good idea.

Once again, not a lot to say.

Here are some links:

• If this is legal, then shooting the guy doing it should be legal too.



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Month.

Long Day = Short Post.

Actually, it wasn't a long day but I'm pretty burned out. I got up at 4:00 this morning and I'm having a tough time keeping my eyes open.

*

Before I leave you, let me remind you that Opening Day for the Red Sox is March 31st when they will play the Orioles down in Camden Yards.

That is 27 days from today.

Please plan accordingly.

*

Try these links:

• Our school administrators in action...



• Hmmm... Not sure what to say about this.



• This one is for John.

A day without snow is a good day.

The storm that was supposed to hit us with 8-12 inches decided to leave us alone and head south and shut down the city of Washington D.C.

This makes me happy in more ways than one.

*

Only in Massachusetts....

No, seriously, I'm saying only in this freakin' state. And I'm not talking about the inspection sticker.

I'm talking about the fact that only in Massachusetts can you be arrested and tossed into jail for not having a government-sanctioned piece of paper stuck to your windshield.

When did we decide it was okay to toss people in jail for not inspecting their cars?

And don't give me any of the "fraud" crap. I've seen some of the people that do car inspections in this state and let me tell you, that piece of paper he put on is just as valid as the ones they put on.

My point is, this is not a crime that resulted in anyone being robbed or hurt or defrauded so why is he in jail?

No one was hurt, no one experienced any loss, hell no one even lost a minutes sleep because of his actions. Simply put, he's in jail because some legislator decided to criminalize the car inspection process, that's why he is in jail.

And while we here in Massachusetts are really good at creating criminals via legislation, it appears we've got nothing on Connecticut.

Now there's a state that knows how to create criminals....

I'm waiting to see how the Connecticut authorities handle that little situation....

This may very well be the first non-action revolution in the history of mankind. The people are overthrowing their government by ignoring it. I now have an image of some guy standing in the rotunda of the capital building with his hands over his ears going, "LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-I-CAN'T-HEAR-YOU-LA-LA-LA".

We should try that here in Massachusetts...

*

No links, just this picture:

I want to know where that is so I can go there and buy a milkshake..

And so it begins....

And yes, Jerry Remy is back in the booth. I hope he stays there because I can't stand that idiot Eckersley.

What the hell is "cheese" and "moss"?

Moron....

*

I get dozens of spam email messages every day but I use an email reader that has an excellent spam/junk filter.

Some of the spam I get wants to help me enlarge my breasts (no thanks, I'm all set with that), some of it wants to help me enlarge my penis (again, no thanks, I'm all set with that as well) and a lot of it want's me to be aware that there are people in my area looking for me.

But the spam that fascinates me the most are these:

Do the spammer think there are people out there who will click on an email message that has a nonsense email address and an even more nonsensical subject line?

Or am I wrong and there are people out there who look at those emails and say,

Hey! Look at that! I've got an important email from zb9_Priscillians about U2F2ZSB1cCB0byA2MCU,gb2Zm-IG9mIHlv-dXIg_QXV0b-yBXY.XJyYW50e,SB0_aGl.zIE1.vbnRo. I should open that right away!

Spammers: They don't even try to hide their bullshit anymore.

*

Here are a couple of links:

• Only in Florida.



• Does anyone think Putin is worried about Obama and his threats?

I forgot to post this yesterday

I had this post all written and formatted last night but it seems I forgot to click the "Publish" button.

Sorry about that.

*

Every so often, I get it in my head to make some coconut chicken fingers. I drag the fryer out, fill it with oil and set it for 375°. Then I get some bread crumbs, some coconut, some milk and an egg.

So I mix the egg and the milk and soak the chicken in it. Then I dredge it through the bread crumbs and the coconut mixture and drop it into the fryer. It takes about 5 minutes to get a nice brown on the chicken and I take it out to drain on a rack.

Now I know that doesn't sound too bad but if you happened to stop by while I was doing it, you would have seen a major mess.

Bread crumbs and oil all over the counter, chicken dripping on the floor and me swearing because I burned my fingers on the hot oil.

Why do I do this to myself? I can buy the damned things at Big Y or Stop & Shop.

What the hell was I thinking.

*

Here are a few links:

• While it doesn't specifically say it, I'm betting alcohol was involved.



• What! Only one napkin!?! That's a travesty!



• Count this among the things you should know.