Happy New Year's Eve!

My plan is to eat some food and fall asleep in my recliner. Hopefully I'll wake up in time to say "Happy New Year" to my wife and then go to bed.

If you party like a rock star, get a cab or a designated driver.

*

Time once again for my year in review:

I had a pretty damned good year right up until December.
Then it kinda sucked.

This has been my year in review.

*

Lets chat about the upcoming year.

1. No, this will not be the year that I retire. Despite my desire to do so, my wife has made it clear that I am not allowed to sit around all day doing nothing.


2. No, I will not hit the lottery this year. Despite the fact that I purchase a multi-game Megabucks ticket every month, I have no luck whatsoever and I am confident that I will not win. Should that change, you will not know because I'll never admit to it.


3. Yes, my youngest son will graduate from college and this will fulfill his commitment to obtain a degree. Once he completes his schooling, he and his band will go on a whirlwind national tour in the hopes of making his college degree completely unnecessary. I hope they are successful beyond everyone's wildest dreams. Either way, I will, as always, be the proud dad.


4. Yes, my daughter will be accepted into a school of veterinary medicine. This goes a long way in explaining entry number one on this list. I will, as always, be the proud dad.


5. Yes, my eldest and his wife will find a nice house to buy and turn into a home. When that happens, I will, as always, be the proud dad.


6. Although I would like to lose some of the weight I've put on since I quit smoking, I won't make any resolutions to do so. That is because I do not make resolutions.

Let's see how those predictions pan out.

*

While I sit in my recliner, blowing my nose and falling asleep in front of the TV, you can click on these links:

• Must have been running Windows 8...



• Only in Florida.



• Here's something that I didn't need to know about.



• Let me leave you parents with little kids this piece of news.

I'm still on vacation and I still have a head cold.

I hate head colds but I like being on vacation.

*

Here are a few links:

• It's the old, "I want to be a mystery shopper!" defense.



• Key phrase in this educational document: "...objects sorted by orifice..."



• Mug shot of the day.

Did I mention that I have a head cold?

Yes sir, that's my luck.

I take a week off and on day one, I get a head cold.

I'm giving some serious consideration to blaming my oldest son because he told his mom yesterday that he's just getting over a head cold. That means he probably gave it to me.

I still love him though.

*

While I blow my nose and whine to my wife, you can click on these links:

• What a loving family.



• Only in Pennsylvania.

Did I mention that I'm on vacation?

I always take the last week of the year off and this year is no different.

No sense breaking with tradition....

*

Try these links out:

• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• Key portion of headline in this story: "...suspect 'at large'..."



• Add this to the list of ways I don't want to die.



• Key phrase in this story: "...a contract’s a contract..."

A little bit of mom at my house

We have my moms hutch/china cabinet and my daughter has my moms tea set. Now that the holidays are over, my wife and daughter have filled it with china and the tea set.

I like it. It reminds me of my mom.

*

You can find some interesting stuff in these two links:

• You knew it was gonna happen. It was just a matter of time.



• For all of the negative hype about those "deflated footballs", you gotta admit that the guy has class.

I think I'm still digesting

Man, I ate a lot of food over the last few days and all of it was outstandingly good.

At this rate, I'm never gonna lose weight.

*

I hope you got everything you wanted for Christmas and you get to spend a few days playing with any toys. I know that even though I kept telling everyone that there was nothing I wanted for Christmas, I still ended up with some very nice things.

I have a pretty great family.

*

My daughter managed to schedule her interviews at Purdue and Iowa State. Her mom will be traveling with her and it was my job to take care of the travel arrangements.

Thank goodness for Google Flight because I was able to book the multi-leg, three day flights with little or no problem.

Thanks to AAA, I was able to reserve two rental cars, one in Indianapolis and one in Iowa, for a nice low rate.

As for rooms, both universities have hotels on campus and rather than make them play the whole, "Drive around until you figure out where your going!" game, I booked them rooms on campus.

*

Try these links out for size:

• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Week.



• Only in Florida.

Merry Christmas

I hope you all had a great Christmas.

Yet more celebratory events!

We spent some time celebrating the holidays with my wifes side fo the family this evening. It was good to see everyone and we enjoyed ourselves in a responsible manner. That means I won't wake up on Christmas morning with a hangover.

I hate hangovers.

*

Here are some links:

• I guess everybody needs a hobby of some sort...



• This kind of thing happens on the Mass Pike all the time.



• Oh Canada.



• I bet this cuts down on the number of attempted robberies at that particular restaurant.

It's a good day to be my daughter.

She has been asked to interview at two veterinary schools and moved to "stage 2" in a third!

She is excited about this and deservedly so since her current life goal is to become a veterinarian and take care of those sacks of fur with claws that we all call "pets".

Now all we gotta do is figure out how to get her to be in Lafayette, Indiana and Ames, Iowa on the same weekend....

*

You can visit these links:

• Dave Barry has published his annual "Year In Review".



• Only in Florida.



• Apparently she takes her beer very, very seriously.



• There is nothing that I can say about this that wouldn't make me come off as a prejudicial a$$hole.

Happy Winter Solstice to all my druid friends.

As I've said before, please don't go sacrificing any virgins.

*

It was a short day for me so here are some links:

• Only in New York.



• Only in Florida.



• Holy Crap!

If it looks like a duck and swims like a duck and quacks like a duck....

....it's probably a goose.

Just sayin' is all.

*

Given that there are more "democrats" in my state than there are "republicans", I still find it hard to believe that we have a republican governor.

Just sayin' is all.

*

I went and got my Christmas shopping done today. That means my wife will have actual presents and stuff to open on Christmas morning.

Why do we buy Christmas presents for each other?

We have been married for 30 years. We both have decent jobs and we tend to buy what we need when we need it. It's hard to pick out presents for someone who doesn't have any material needs.

I personally think we would be better off just giving each other a card.

Just sayin' is all.

*

Here's a link or three:

• Only in Florida.



• It's the Happiest Time Of The Year.



• Let me say that again: It's the Happiest Time Of The Year.

More celebrating.

Today was Christmas with my family. We had my brothers and sisters and their families over for the day and it was a good day all around.

We spent a bit of the day reminiscing about mom and scanning in some of the pictures she had collected over the years. We ate a lot of food and some of us drank a lot of beer.

It was your basic stress-free Christmas-related celebration, which is always the best kind of celebration.

*

Here are some links:

• Only in Florida.



• Key phrase in this story: "Developers assert that they were motivated by philanthropic sentiments to help roughly four out of every five women in the world."



• Key phrase in this story: "Should they teach the cars how to commit infractions from time to time to stay out of trouble?"



• This is some of the best stuff on TV today.

The job is done.

We have moved every piece of furniture, clothing, piece of paper, photograph, kids hand-made card and 4th grade report card out of my moms apartment and turned the keys over to the facility manager.

We found a lot of "stuff" that has meaning to us and we all picked out things to hold on to. For instance, I found a note that my dad had written me back in the mid 1970s

I like to think that I remembered to call my mom and I didn't have to give him any of that "I forgot" crappola.

Oh, and for the record, she didn't save the note because of the note. She saved it because it's written on the back of my sisters report card. I recall a major paper shortage in that house so we wrote each other notes on whatever happened to be laying around.

*

Here's a link:

• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Day.

The celebrations continue

Today we had our team lunch. It was a good lunch and I enjoyed myself even though I consumned no alcohol whatsoever.

I avoid alcohol at those team lunches because if I have a few beers or drinks, I'll start busting on my boss and before you know it, I'm unemployed.

I'm not quite ready to be unemployed.

*

Tomorrow we will finish the job of packing up my moms belongings and moving them out of her apartment. I don't think any of us are looking forward to doing it but it needs to be done before the end of December.

It's not easy going through your parents stuff. Specially since my mom saved everything we ever gave her and every picture ever taken.

But we will survive and, as the saying goes, life will go on.

*

Speaking of life, here are a few inks:

• I don't know her name but she is the newest member of the A-Team.



• You need a license to drive a car, you need a license to own a dog and you need a license to get married but they'll let any a$$hole become a parent.



• Rednecks.....



• Russia is not like were we live....



• Only in Florida.

I have a hangover.

I don't like having a hangover. It kind of sucks.

*

So our President has once again changed his stripes when it comes to ISIS. Where before he was saying, "I don't think they're gaining strength.", he is now saying, "My highest priority is the security of the American people."

Here's what I think Mr. President: We should never have supported that idiotic thing you called "Arab Spring" because the elimination of the strong dictators in the middle-east have given rise to a whole bunch of petty little religious fanatics, each with his own god backing everything he does.

Good job there, Mr. President.

*

You can try these links out:

• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• Here's a story about a overweight, bearded, video-game playing dweeb who DOESN'T live in his parents basement.



• Looks like someone needs to find a new job.



• If you are ever in the Fangshan District of Beijing, China, you should plan on using the bathroom.

There were celebratory events this evening.

We had our annual, "Hey, you guys did a good job. Here's a beer" celebration at work this evening and I didn't have time to do much interwebing.

I hope to have some more things for you tomorrow.

Until then, click on these:

• Only in New Jersey.



• Here's a good summary of Only in Florida.

I really need to do some Christmas shopping

My daughter has been able to find some things for my wife, thus eliminating some major headaches for me but that doesn't mean I don't need to go do some shopping.

There are only 9 days left before Christmas and I'm pretty sure I won't be going shopping on Christmas eve. That means I only have 8 days left to get some things.

I have no idea why we buy Christmas presents for each other because we both buy whatever we need when we need it. It's impossible for either one of us to buy something that the other one needs or wants.

Sucks to be me.

*

Try these links:

• Our school administrators in action....



• Some people have "interesting" jobs.



• Only in Florida.



• Lucy! I thin you got some 'splainin' to do!



• Key phrase in this story: "Yes"

Here is today's post.

Here are today's links:

• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• Only in Florida.

Aaaaand we have a tree.

Once again, we went to a field and paid someone for the privilege of cutting down a perfectly good tree. Then we stuffed it into the car and drove it home.

Once we got it home, we stuck it into a large plastic base and stood it up in the corner. making it look like it was "growing" there the whole time.

In the near future, we will cover it with gaudy baubles, spangly things and strings of lights, making it look like a french hooker getting ready for visit from the Secret Service.

Then, on Christmas morning, we will jam a bunch of material goods under it and pretend a fat guy named "Claws" put them there.

Finally, after the dead tree begins to decay, we will strip it of it's finery and I will unceremoniously toss it back into the gully behind my house where it will entangle itself with the 25 other trees that are down there already,

I sometimes think that we, as a society, are kinda nuts.

*

You can visit these links:

• Only in Florida.



• This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?



• I must be a f&*^ing genius.



• Pretty soon, all those kids who said they wanted to be a fireman or a princess when they grow up are gonna come out of their shell and we're gonna be overrun by firemen and princesses.

The Christmas lights are lit.

Once again, we are contributing to National Grid's bottom line by stringing a bunch of lights on the front of our house. I'm not entirely sure why we do this but my wife seems happy with it.

*

I am trying something new with the Small Emergency Backup Dog. She has developed a habit of creating dog doors for herself by poking her way through the screens on the porch. I found a gadget that creates a door in the screen and we're trying to teach her to go through it instead pushing the screen in.

So far, it's a failure because she walks up to it, looks at it and then steps to the right and pokes her way through the screen.

All I can do is sigh, fix the screen and point out the door to her, again.

*

You might like these links:

• On Canada.



• Key entry in our favorite police log: "10:00 a.m. A Columbia Falls woman complained that her neighbor shoots squirrels and his dog eats them. She was advised that this was not an illegal activity."



• In case you had forgotten, the Japanese are insane.

I've got places to be and things to do.

It was  reasonably normal day at work today but we have some festivities to attend to this evening. That means no long, boring, run-on posts filled with the drivle you've all come to love.

You do, however, get these links:

• When I was in school, scrapes, bruises, sprains and fractured legs were a daily occurrence.



• Another shocking case of candy bar violence.



• Wait. Are they saying Coronas are only $3.00 in Florida?

I'm a bit busy.

With year end coming and the unplanned loss of a week, the volume on my work life has been turned up to 11.

I did manage to go find a few links:

• Good thing my son lives on the Green line....



• People died trying to find this guy and his explanation for walking away is, "Doing what I did is me saying that I am like, I don’t know, Jason Bourne..."    Asshole....

Things are still a bit unsettled.

Now that the funeral is over and things have calmed down a bit, my sisters are working to get moms belongings organized and ready for transport. The boys (meaning my brothers and I along with our nephews) will be tasked with moving the furniture.

It has been a genuinely sad two weeks for all of us but with the sadness comes the knowledge that mom is no longer suffering from a debilitating disease and she is no longer in any pain. She was, as my sister called her, an Uber-Catholic which means she passed away knowing that she would meet God and she would be reunited with my dad and other family members.

As for all of us, life will continue and we will get our children through this part of their lives. For all of them, this is the first time in their lives were they suffered a loss and it's hard for them to understand. They will all learn to deal with the grief and the loss in their own ways and we, their parents, will be there to guide them through it.

And that, my friends, will close out this chapter in my life. Myself and my siblings are now orphans but we are all well-prepared orphans. Our parents raised us well and we had mom with us for a good long time. They were good people and I can only hope that I leave a legacy that matches theirs.

*

Here are a few links:

• Oh good...



• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Researchers: Contributing to the betterment of our society or a complete waste of perfectly good oxygen. We report, you decide.



• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• Here's a bonus Naked Guy In The News story.
(I would like to point out that both those naked guy stories are from Florida.)



• Another shocking case of shillelagh violence.



• You gotta love it.

She was a great mom

Everyone thinks their mom is the best mom. She gave birth to you, she raised you, she fixed your cuts, she watched you play, she taught you things and she held you at night when you were sick.

I'm here to tell you that my mom was a great mom but also a truly great person.

She was an intelligent, caring, nurturing, compassionate woman. She was a nurse of the highest caliber.

She cured the sick, she eased peoples pain and she communed with the terminally ill. She touched everyone she came in contact with and left them better than when she found them.

She served her country during a time of war by nursing the wounded and giving hope to those who had no hope.

She left her family to marry my dad but she never left her family. She visited them often and they visited her just as often. She left the family farm but she returned as often as she could because they were her family and she loved them.

But to me and my siblings, she was Mom.

She raised us, she tended to us and she let us make our way in this world. She loved us unconditionally and made it clear there was always a place for us in her world, no matter what that world became.

When my dad died, we all stood with her and she eased our pain. She looked to us for help and guidance but she helped us and guided us.

When she was diagnosed with a disease that no one should ever have, we became her keepers while she steered us through the ups and downs by showing us her courage in the face of things that would make a brave man cry.

She is gone now but will always be loved.

*

I will be back soon.

No post today

It's been a bad few days and it's not predicted to get any better

I'll be back in a few days.

Grow Up,,,,

I found this piece of literature this afternoon and I thought I would pass it on. It's from Dr. Everett Piper of Oklahoma Wesleyan University.

You can access the original here but since these things tend to disappear of the internet sometimes, I thought I'd post the text for you to read.

Dr. Everett Piper, President
Oklahoma Wesleyan University

This past week, I actually had a student come forward after a university chapel service and complain because he felt “victimized” by a sermon on the topic of 1 Corinthians 13. It appears that this young scholar felt offended because a homily on love made him feel bad for not showing love. In his mind, the speaker was wrong for making him, and his peers, feel uncomfortable.

I'm not making this up. Our culture has actually taught our kids to be this self-absorbed and narcissistic. Any time their feelings are hurt, they are the victims. Anyone who dares challenge them and, thus, makes them “feel bad” about themselves, is a “hater,” a “bigot,” an “oppressor,” and a “victimizer.”

I have a message for this young man and all others who care to listen. That feeling of discomfort you have after listening to a sermon is called a conscience. An altar call is supposed to make you feel bad. It is supposed to make you feel guilty. The goal of many a good sermon is to get you to confess your sins—not coddle you in your selfishness. The primary objective of the Church and the Christian faith is your confession, not your self-actualization.

So here’s my advice:

If you want the chaplain to tell you you’re a victim rather than tell you that you need virtue, this may not be the university you’re looking for. If you want to complain about a sermon that makes you feel less than loving for not showing love, this might be the wrong place.

If you’re more interested in playing the “hater” card than you are in confessing your own hate; if you want to arrogantly lecture, rather than humbly learn; if you don't want to feel guilt in your soul when you are guilty of sin; if you want to be enabled rather than confronted, there are many universities across the land (in Missouri and elsewhere) that will give you exactly what you want, but Oklahoma Wesleyan isn’t one of them.

At OKWU, we teach you to be selfless rather than self-centered. We are more interested in you practicing personal forgiveness than political revenge. We want you to model interpersonal reconciliation rather than foment personal conflict. We believe the content of your character is more important than the color of your skin. We don’t believe that you have been victimized every time you feel guilty and we don’t issue “trigger warnings” before altar calls.

Oklahoma Wesleyan is not a “safe place”, but rather, a place to learn: to learn that life isn't about you, but about others; that the bad feeling you have while listening to a sermon is called guilt; that the way to address it is to repent of everything that’s wrong with you rather than blame others for everything that’s wrong with them. This is a place where you will quickly learn that you need to grow up.

This is not a day care. This is a university!

I just thought that was a pretty darned good letter. Even if you don't buy into the religious/spiritual aspect of it, it is solid advice that can be applied in all situations and it is advice that our society sorely need.

*

Here are some  links:

• These are the people that I grew up looking at....



• Only in Florida.

Long Day = Short Post

Thanks to my daughter, I was able to get some Christmas shopping done today.

Well, actually, my daughter went and did some Christmas shopping for me today. I'm not really capable of finding anything that my wife likes so I rely on my daughter to help her old man out.

*

This morning I had my annual physical and you'll all be glad to hear that I am an old, broken-down, perfectly healthy fat bald guy.

*

You can visit these links if you like:

• Key phrase in this story: "If all 147 speakers had taken as long as Obama, their combined addresses would have lasted more than 33 hours."



• Key phrase in this story: "...he had no information on how the victim happened to get his finger stuck in the tank."

New door bells for everyone!

I finally got around to replacing the door bell buttons on both of my doors.

Several months ago, the light on the kitchen door button burned out and last year, the front door button cracked open like an egg shell. This is something that ordinarily wouldn't bother me but for some reason, it did.

So anyways, I managed to replace both buttons and then spend the rest of my day watching Marvel Comic movies and checking the scores of football games.

*

Here are some links:

• Only in Florida.



• Only in New Jersey.

I need to get some Christmas shopping done

It was my intention to get my wife a new sewing machine for Christmas but it's come to my attention that giving my wife a small appliance for Christmas is probably not a good idea.

That means I now need to actually go shopping.

I hate shopping.

*

Enjoy these links:

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• No, I don't want these for Christmas.



• This is why women live linger than men.

Now I know why they call it "The Turkey Trot"

I think I ate way too much yesterday but I didn't let that stop me from getting into the leftovers today.

I like leftovers. There is something about slapping turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce and a piece of cheese between two pieces of toast.

Man, that is tasty.

*

I decided to use my lawn tractor to pick up the last of the leaves today and I was surprised to find grass clippings in the bags when I emptied them.

I'm kind of amazed that my lawn is still growing in late November.

*

Here are some links:

• I feel bad for her but she did good.



• Can you blame him?



• Key phrase in this story: "Yea, sorry, that was me."



• Is it wrong that the first thought that crossed my mind when I read this was, "So is Springfield"?

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody

Get off the internet and go eat turkey until you look like a tick on a dog.

And thus begins my 4-day weekend.

I like 4-day weekends.

*

I hope all of you folks have a great Thanksgiving.

Except for you folks from Germany who seem to like reading my spewage and don't recognize Thanksgiving. I hope you folks have a nice Thursday.

*

Here are a few links:

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Completely understandable.



• Har! Tweaking! Get it?!



• Only in Florida.

Once again, I'm tired

I probably shouldn't have watched as much of the football game as I did.

*

Time for a public service announcement:

There are now 30 shopping days until Christmas.

This has been your public service announcement.

*

Try these links:

• Only in Florida.



• I'm kind of surprised he didn't end up dead on the floor.



• This actually sounds like a good idea. If anyone makes one, let me know.



• Only in Russia.

And the long days continue.

On the upside, I managed to get myself a new keyboard at work. My old one was pretty old and it had two problems.

The first was a tendency for the "D" key to stick and the second was a seemingly random event generator that caused the "L" key either work or not.

This resulted in emails that looked a lot like this:

Hi DDDDDDDDan,

Regardddddding your request for your project, I undddderstandddd why you needddddd the access but dddue to the recent shift in SEC reguations andddddd the focus from the externa auddddditors, dddddeivering on the request is not likey.

What is ikely is that we can certainly work to dddddefine and refine your access needddddds so as to eiminate any issues you might run into.

Give me a cal so we can chat a bit about things.

Steve

Not something you want to send off to a co-worker.

Or a cow-orker for that matter....

*

Here are some links:

• Wait, does this actually say fifteen million dollars?



• Fortunately, Scotland was wearing it's seatbelt.



• Only in Florida.

Damn. It's only a 2-day weekend.

Back to work tomorrow. Fortunately, it's only a 3-day work week for me.

I like 3-day work weeks more than I like 3-day weekends.

*

Here are a few links:

• You gotta love heavily-armed senior citizens.



• This is why some people shouldn't be allowed to own guns.



• Pffftttt..... Rednecks....

Nice day today

I spent a few hours with my mom and then I managed to get some things done for work. After that, it was time for me and the dogs to watch some bad television.

Trust me, there is some pretty bad television during a Saturday afternoon.

*

You can click on these links:

• Only in Pennsylvania.



• Bad Lip Reading - Democrats.



• Bad Lip Reading - Republicans.

Long day today

I managed to get home around 4:30 today but I need to work tonight.

That means this has to be brief.

*

Here is a snapshot of two days worth of all the junk email I receive.

I got a lot of crap...

*

Here are some links:

• Key entry from our favorite police log: "6:12 p.m. A drunken man had to be carried out of the Pizza Hut."



• Key phrase in this story: "...he uses it as an unorthodox method to meet people."



• Well, I won't be staying at any Nordic Choice hotels....

Things are getting interesting.

As I've said  before, the company I work for imposes a year-end freeze on all system changes in mid-December. As we get closer to the freeze date, more and more people are showing up on my radar with things they need from me.

The problem is, a lot of these people have never contacted me before about their needs and when they suddenly discover that they need something from me, they are panicking. A lot of them are quite insistent that their project is the number one priority in the company and if I don't give them what they want right now, their project will fail and the company will go out of business.

The problem is I have a lot of experience in this line of work and I know what is, and isn't, important. I know what the company needs to keep functioning and I know what will put the organization into a bad place if it fails.

This knowledge allows me to look people in the eye, say "No" and have them go, "Oh. Okay." and walk away.

*

So anyways, here are some links:

• The only thing dumber than a teenage boy is a group of teenage boys.



• I'll believe it when I see it.

It was your basic run-of-the-mill work day

Time for me to weigh in on President Obama and his handling of the people that want to kill us all.

First the man said that isis was the "JV team" and then he said that isis's influence was shrinking.

It has been my opinion that the man has said a lot of things that make little sense to your average human being and after what happened with the Russian plane and now Paris, I'm thinking I was correct in my opinion.

Our President keeps telling us that he is confident in the vetting process his administration has in place when it comes to the Syrian refugees. He said that the Syrian refugee population is made up of widows and 3-year-old orphans.

You'll forgive me if I say that I don't really believe him. I've seen the news stories of the people that are landing in makeshift boats in Greece and a significant number of them are muslim men in their 20's and 30's.

I've also seen the "vetting" process that is used in the United States and it is heavily entrenched in the politically-correct "Profiling is Bad" mindset. That means they won't pay extra attention to those 20 and 30 year old men because that might hurt their feelings.

In other words, I find it hard to have any confidence in a man who believes he and his system are infallible. I also find it hard to have any confidence in a man who assumes that 3-year-old kids and the widows aren't capable of becoming human bombs.

Furthermore, I'd like to point out that none of this falls under his job description.

He is responsible for the security of the United States of America and it's citizens, not the welfare of the Syrian people. If he is concerned about their welfare, then maybe he should set up some refugee camps in a small out-of-the-way location in Syria and provide them with food, medical care and entertainment. That way, if they start blowing themselves up, they will only be blowing themselves up, not me, my family or my friends.

The solution to the problem of people who want to kill us is not to impose stricter controls on us by taking away our freedoms. It is to prevent the bad people from getting here in the first place.

And by the way, if you think no one is plotting a Paris-like attack in the United States, you are delusional. Think of how much death and mayhem three guys with AK-47s and suicide vests could cause at the Holyoke Mall on any Saturday in December. They would love nothing more than to kill a bunch of Christmas-worshiping infidels.

*

Try these links:

• Key phrase in this story: "...they were both visibly intoxicated."



• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• I wonder if they were Hot Tamales?



• Headline Of The Week.

Not a normal work day.

Despite my best effort, this turned out to be long day. That means you get a short post.

*

I did manage to find a few links:

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Only in Florida.



• I don't know who this child is but good for him. I hope he overcomes any issues associated with that event.

I'm really liking these 3-day weekends.

I'm thinking that next summer, I might just take every Monday in June, July and August off.

*

Here are some links you can visit:

• Well, I guess it's a start.



• I'm betting there's a Batman joke in here somewhere.



• Only in Pennsylvania.



• Researchers: Contributing to the betterment of our society or a complete waste of perfectly good oxygen?

Nice day for naps.

I took advantage of the fact that all I really had to do today was get the leaves and poop of my backyard by taking a nice little nap this afternoon.

I like naps.

*

You can visit these links of you want to:

• Yes, the Japanese are insane.



• Yuck.



• Read the explanation.



• You gotta love dogs.

I love my weekends

I managed to get my leaves done but because of the wind, my lawn is once again covered.

I'm hoping the wind calms down soon.

*

I didn't find very many links today.

The ones I did find are here:

• There must have been a sale.



• We're talking about $4.00....



• The only thing I have to say about this is, "No Thanks".

A third normal work day!

I even managed to get home before it got dark.

*

These links are all I found:

• My question is: How did the car know to pull over?



• My dad bought me  bicycle when I was seven.



• I still think they need to eat his salary and release him.



• It's looking like some percentage of the student population at Amherst College are spoiled little brats.



• Only in Florida.



• No one likes to rake.

A second normal work day!

Two normal work days in a row at this time of the year is amazing.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't get home until after 6:00 instead of my usual 4:00 but that is still way better than getting home at 8:00.

Year end is always a tough time for us because, as I've said before, everyone has a strong need to complete all of their projects before the end of the budget year. Also, because we have a normal year-end freeze in our production environment starting in mid-December, the projects and any associated changes must be in place before then.

I like my job and I really don't mind the long hours that are sometimes required. I know I say that I want to retire soon but if I did that, I'd have to find something else to do because if I don't do something, I'll turn into a slug in a recliner watching bad soap operas all day long.

I don't want to be a slug in a recliner and I hate soap operas.

*

You want to know whats wrong with our society? Want to understand why most level-headed adult Americans don't pay a lot of attention to the news?

It's because of things like this:

That is a screen grab of my google news feed as of 1:00pm today.

You will notice that of the 10 top news stories, 2 of them are about bad entertainers and none of them are about Florent Groberg.

If you ask me, it's a goddamned shame that the media spends more time and energy on a spoiled little brat who offers nothing to our society than it does telling us about a man like Florent.

*

Feel free to click on these links:

• Oh crap. I'm screwed.



• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?

Finally, a normal work day.

I was able to get home at 4:30 this afternoon, let the dogs out and then feed them. Then i was able to sit down in my recliner and watch the news like your basic normal average suburban old white guy.

*

I give up.

Dombrowski is spending a lot of time at the GM meetings talking about filling an outfield position.

I'm no baseball expert but I thought the Red Sox already had a fully staffed (and functional) outfield.

Don't they need pitching?

*

Here are some links:

• How much of a tough guy are you if you need a gun to rob an 80 year old woman...



• Key phrase in this story about two not-so-tough teenagers: "He f*&!@n broke Barrita!"
(Warning: Many bad words)


• Only in Florida.



• Taste the what?



• Only in Florida.



• Holy crap! I didn't think they made VHS anymore, never mind Beta.

I got nothing today.

I was in an all-day meetng today.

That means I had no time for anything.

Perhaps tomorrow I will have something for you.

No time like a good time

Once again, I was not working today.

In case I haven't said this enough, let me say it again -  I really like three-day weekends.

*

On Sunday night, I was watching the Broncos get beat by the Colts and I got to see Aqib Talib walk across the field and poke Dwayne Allen in the right eye.

The first thought that crossed my mind was, "WTF?"

The second thought that crossed my mind was, "Oh, wise guy, eh? Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk"

*

You can click on these:

• I remember this.



• Only in Florida.



• Why?



• John Kerry has one of them.

Back yard is clean. For now.

I managed to clean up the leaves, the pine needles and the dog crap from the back yard today and I still got to watch the Patriots beat the Redskins.

*

And speaking of local sports franchises, the Red Sox have begun the process of prepping for the free agent season. They are cleaning out their 40-man roster by outrighting Craig, Leon, Ogando and Machi to the Pawtucket Red Sox.

I'm really hoping this new guy, Dombrowski, is better at picking talent than Cherington was. I'm also hoping he cleans up that mess called Hanley Ramirez. I'm still amazed that anyone thought it would be a good idea to pay an infielder with a bad attitude millions of dollars to play the outfield.

*

Here are some links:

• You just know the gassy guy in the lab dreamed this up.



• Excellent mug shot.



• Only in Florida.

I hate cleaning the gutters

Cleaning the leaves out of the gutters is almost as futile as cleaning them off the lawn. Give it a day and it looks like you never did it.

But now they are clean and so is the lawn.

At least until tomorrow...

*

You can click on these links:

• Completely justified.



• Key phrase in this story: "I think you choose to be offended..."



• Brazil has far better game shows than we do.

One more long day.

Thank goodness I have Monday off.

*

Try these links:

• Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy...



• Amazingly enough, the word "viagra" does not appear in this story anywhere.



• I will be storing several pounds of butter in my freezer in anticipation of this.

Still busy.

I'm thinking my work life is going to be busy until at least Christmas. After that, I'm on vacation for the week between Christmas and New Years.

Until then, I'll just keep plugging along.

*

Here are some links:

• This just in: Kangaroos have stinky farts.



• Warning: Do not swallow the feces of a person with an intestinal pork tapeworm.



• Two words that should never be used in the same sentence: Frog Smoothie.



• If you visit the town of Auburn, Washington, watch where you step.



• Typical New Yorker.

Again with the busy day.

We're coming up on the end of the year and everyone is pushing to get their pet projects completed ahead of schedule. This tends to put a strain on us enterprise support people and usually makes for longer than usual days.

Just sayin' is all.

*

The Mass Lottery Megabucks game is up to $6,400,000 and I have a ticket for the next 10 games.

Just sayin' is all.

*

You can click on these if you want:

• You don't want to mess with this kid...



• Key phrase in this story: "...threatened to hurt him further with the porcelain toilet lid."

Very busy day today

I didn't really have much time to peruse the internet and look for news.

What I did find were these few links:

• This is why I don't fly with goats.



• This is why I don't drive with goats.

Okay, here's the deal.

I knew that the team that I rooted for would lose the series because that's the way things go for me. No matter who I root for, they lose.

By rooting for the Mets, I effectively dictated the outcome of the series and handed it to the Royals. That, my friends, is not a bad thing.

I like Ned Yost. He strikes me as the kind of guy that will spend his morning making sure the electric fence isn't grounded, his afternoon fine tuning a hunting rifle and his evening at the local victualers enjoying adult beverages with his buddies.

In other words, he reminds me of one of my uncles.

*

Got this picture from Chris.

It contains the truest statement ever made about our current society.

*

Links are here:

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• The world is filled with a-holes.



• Only in Australia.



• Stonehenge Time! Party Time!

Three games to one isn't good.

If the Mets lose tonight, it's all over for them.

Tonight's game is a "win or go home" game. If they win tonight, they head back to Missouri where the Royals will once again have their home field advantage.

*

You can visit these links:

• Only in Florida.



• Pretty soon, I'm going to have to add an "Only in Connecticut" category...



• This is what happens when you get your medical advice from convicted Serbian felons.



• It's the old "I was too drunk" defense.

Go Mets!

Thor stepped up and pitched a hell of a game last night.

Tonight Steven Matz will be taking the mound and hopefully he does better than he did against the Dodgers.

I will be watching my special coaching TV and offering my sage advice while handing out candy to the little urchins in our neighborhood.

*

Don't forget to turn your clocks back an hour tonight.

Or not. I guess it's technically a voluntary thing.

Hell, maybe you should be that rebellious guy who's an hour early for everything for the next 5 months

*

Here are some links:

• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Only in Florida.



• Oh Canada.

Everybody Celebrate!

We celebrated my daughter's birthday today with mass quantities of chinese food and some type of pretty darned good ice cream cake.

After we were done with the grazing and snarfing, most of my family went into the non-coaching TV room to watch their DVRs while I sat in front of my special coaching TV and made preparations to stay awake long enough to see some number of innings.

Hopefully the Mets do better at home than they did on the road and I won't have wasted precious sleep on yet another Royals win.

I hate wasting sleep.

*

While I sit in front of the TV digesting crab rangoons and cake, you can click on these links:

• Runaway Pumpkin would be an excellent name for a 1960 bubble-gum pop band.



• Key phrase in this story: "I immediately started screaming..." Ya big girl's blouse.

Damn.

I thought the Mets had a chance right up until the moment I fell asleep in the fourth inning.

Then I woke up in the eighth inning...

Oh well, we'll have to see what happens over the weekend.

*

No baseball tonight but the Patriots are hosting the Dolphins.

As my brothers would say, "Squish the Fish!"

*

You might like these:

• Key phrase in this story: "...a bizarre incident involving a pistol and fake spiders."



• Hah!

Go Mets!

The Royals scored the winning run in the fourteenth inning last night. It was a hell of a game and I wish the Mets had won but such is the way of baseball.

I'm hoping the Mets win tonight and they head to New York City tied in the series. I'm thinking they stand a pretty good chance of winning those three games at home.

*

We had a small incident with the dog bed this afternoon....

The Small Emergency Backup Dog denied all involvement.
The Large Main Dog simply looked at her and shook his head.

*

Try these links out:

• I did not realize how smart Jon Lovitz really is. (Caution: There are any very dirty words)



• Key phrase in this story: "When they found her, she was rock solid frozen."



• Rogue Blimp would be a great name for a 1960's German Oompah band.

And so it begins.

The World Series begins this evening and I suspect that I might stay awake long enough to see the talking heads prattle on about nothing. I also suspect that I won't be awake by the time the first pitch is thrown because absolutely no one can stay awake listening to those guys babble on.

*

Try clicking on these:

• Key phrase in this story: "Trigger has had little to say about the matter."



• Never bring a sword to a spear fight.



• It's only a matter of time before they outlaw those things.



• I'm Batman!



• One mans trash is another mans art. And vice-versa....

Not much to say.

I enjoyed my day off today and didn't spend a lot of time surfing the internet.

That means you only get a few links:

• This was entertaining.



• And this was funny (watch the video).

The Patriots remain undefeated.

Today's game was a little interesting because it was the first time this season that I can recall the Patriots being behind in the second half. But my worries were for naught when Brady and his boys decided to start playing some serious football.

*

I got all my yard work done yesterday because the perky yet inaccurate weather chick said it was going to rain today. Today was spent getting some things done for work that I needed to finish up.

That meant I watched the game while working.

That, however, is not a problem since I'll be not working tomorrow.

*

Here are a few links:

• Key phrase in this story: "This is my dog and I'm going to sue this country,"



• Only in Florida.



• I'll allow you to reach your own conclusion as to the sex of the driver.

No baseball today.

The Royals are getting ready to host the Mets this coming Tuesday in game one of the best-of-seven-game World Series.

They'll play two games in Kansas City before heading to New York City to play three games. If needed, they'll return to Kansas City to play the two final games.

So it looks like I won't be watching any baseball until then.

Go Mets!

*

You can click on these:

• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• It's only a matter of time before they outlaw those things.

Poor Ms. Rodham

Those terrible Congressmen asked her all kinds of horrible questions about that thing that happened to those little people over in that country somewhere over there. She didn't have anything to do with that thing. She was home, in her house, minding her own business!

It's just not fair that they should ask questions like that of poor Ms. Rodham.

...

I kept waiting for her to pull that line her husband coined several years ago:

"It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is."

Here's  the bottom line:

1. She was in charge.
2. The US embassy was attacked and overthrown on her watch. 
3. The Ambassador was murdered while she was running the State Department.

As Harry Truman once said, The Buck Stops Here.

*

All I have for you are these two links:

• Key phrase in this story: "He was inside a grocery store at the time."



• Key phrase in this story: "...it wasn't hard to recognize a drunken burglary suspect..."

The Mets put Epstein in his place.

I've always had a bad attitude about Theo Epstein. Even when he was the GM of the Boston Red Sox.

It started when he put on his pussy face over his job title.

You see, he took credit for all of Dan Duqette's hard work in building the Red Sox farm system and thought that he should be called a "vice president".

When they wouldn't do that, he quit by storming out of a meeting, putting on a gorilla suit to hide his face and driving out the gate of Fenway past the media. He went home and pouted for the next several months. I'm assuming he continued to wear the gorilla suit.

Then, when the Red Sox rehired him, he went and took credit for a great trade put together by acting GM Jed Hoyer that brought Josh Beckett and Mike Lowell to the Red Sox in exchange for Hanley Ramirez.

Basically, the team that won the 2004 and 2007 World Series was built by Dan Duquette and Jed Hoyer but Epstein took all the credit.

Now he's in Chicago and he's trying to work his so-called "magic". I hope he fails.

He's a spoiled little brat with nice hair, a charming smile, a smug, holier-than-thou attitude and I for one was glad to see him go.

With that in mind, let me repeat something I've said several times over the last week or so: Go Mets!

*

Here are todays links:

• Oops.



• Only in Florida.



• Key phrase in this story: "She also told him she was intoxicated."



• Key phrase in this story: "I am the Alpha and the Omega, look it up."

Go Mets!

The Royals lost today so they'll play again on Friday.

As I type this, it's the first inning of the Mets / Cubs game and the Mets are up 4-0. I'm hoping that the game ends with a similar score.

*

Here are some links:

• Key phrase in this story: "It appears that they were both drunk idiots."



• Key phrase in this story: "Okra busts like these are good reason for taxpayers to be skeptical about the wisdom of sending guys up in helicopters to fly around aimlessly, looking for drugs in suburban gardens."



• I'm pretty certain that I would rather spend the money to buy a new one....



• Why?



• This may explain our small emergency backup dog. Nothing is safe around her.

Go Mets! Go Royals!

I'm just going to start shouting, "Go local sports franchise! Get that thing into/past/around that other thing! Beat that other sports franchise from the other city/town/state!"

*

Try these links out:

• Who dreams up these numbers?



• Yes, alcohol was involved. Also, five out-of-shape guys.



• The joys of fatherhood.

Home team advantage.

With the Mets up 2-0 and the Royals up 2-0, it looks like the home team advantage is in full play. the big question is can the Mets and the Royals win on the road?

We'll find out about the Royals tonight because they play the Blue Jays in Toronto at 8:00. As for the Mets, tomorrow night they'll be in Chicago where they will hopefully win the next two games and come home with a penant in their hands.

*

Try these links out:

• Key phrase in this story: "...the station probably should have put up a sign too."



• And the winners of the Parents Of The Year award are....



• For future reference, the best way to avoid a sobriety checkpoint is to not drive drunk.



• Are they saying this is illegal?



• Can't be any worse than our current choices....

Mowed my lawn in the snow today.

It snowed for about 15 minutes this morning while I was out mowing my lawn.

I hope this isn't an indication of things to come....

*

The Mets managed to win game one last night and tonight is game two. It's gonna be a hell of a game because Thor is pitching against Superman.

I'm really hoping the Mets win tonight and head to Chicago with a two game lead because I suspect that the Cubs fans are gonna make some serious noise during games three and four.

*

Try these links out for size:

• Here's your Naked Guy In The News story.



• Dude! Where's my walker?



• Only in Pennsylvania.

Go Mets! Go Royals!

The Royals now lead the ALCS 2-0.

The  Mets will face the Cubs tonight. I'm hoping that tomorrow morning, when I wake up, I will find that the Mets beat the cubs and lead the series 1-0.

*

Busy day today.

Last week the fertilizer guy showed up and spread the winter feeding and lime. I've been hoping for rain ever since then but the little we got just wasn't enough. So this morning watered the lawn so that when I mow it tomorrow, I won't be picking up the fertilizer and the lime.

After that, it was over to my mother-in-laws house to put plastic on her porch screens. She likes to have some protection from the wind and snow so being the nice guy that I am, I spend a couple of hours covering her screens with plastic sheeting.

I know, I'm a nice guy.

After that, I took my wife and daughter over to the local pumpkin patch/apple orchard/winery and they picked pumpkins, bought hot cider and a nice bottle of some kind of wine.

I know, I'm a nice guy.

Now I'm watching baseball and struggling to stay awake. I'm not quite at full insomnia stage but I haven't been sleeping well the last two or three days.

*

While I fall asleep with the puppy in my lap, you can click on these links:

• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Day.



• This guy deserves the death penalty.



• You just know some desperate guy is gonna try to drop this in some girls drink...



• Oh Canada,

Go Mets!

They beat the Dodgers last night!

Tomorrow night starts the best-of-seven National League Championship Series where the Mets will host the Cubs. They'll play the first two games in New York, the next three in Chicago and the final two (if needed) back in New York.

The winner of the NLCS will move on to the World Series.

*

Tonight starts the American League Championship Series and I could care less. I've never been a fan of the Blue Jays and since the Royals are in the central division, I really don't know much about them.

Don't get me wrong, I'll still watch it but only because I'm DVR'ing the season opener of Gold Rush.

*

You can click on these while I watch the ALCS game:

• Seems to me that Ryan and Leanne have their priorities in the order.



• Hillary and Bernie are gonna have a feud over "gun violence".



• Just another case of "rollerblade violence". It's only a matter of time before they ban those things.

Go Mets!

Tonight is game five of a best of five series between the Mets and the Dodgers. It will decide who is moving on to the NLCS to play the Cubs. I am, of course, hoping it's the Mets.

Go Mets!

*

Here are todays links:

• Key phrase in this story about a truly brilliant criminal: "He was apprehended when he returned to Home Depot the next day, police said."



• Liz Sparkman is the winner of the Mom Of The Year award.



• Only in Florida.



• Add this to the list of things I won't be buying.