Stop calling it a shutdown.

Obama is getting paid, Boehner is getting paid, Cruz is getting paid, Markey is getting paid.... They haven't stopped doing their thing, they've just stopped authorizing the funding of things like the National Parks Service, paychecks for all those 22-year old  Army reservists, Job Training Programs, etc...

Call it "The Federal Government Services Stoppage" or something like that. The government has not shut down. It's still a huge slithering blob of bureaucracy, writhing through the halls of several large granite buildings in Washington DC.

Here are a couple of thoughts I had about the Federal Government Services Stoppage:

• Does this mean the N.S.A. has stopped listening to our phone calls? Because if it does, that means I can stop answering my phone with the greeting:
"Hi. Since the N.S.A. is listening to this conversation, I would like to say that it's possible that General Alexander is child-molester who wears womens underwear and likes to sniff bicycle seats."


• Does this mean that all those "Government Insured Reverse Mortgages" that Fred Thompson, Henry Winkler, Pat Boone and Robert Wagner have been selling are no longer insured by the government? What will Fred do for a living if he can't sell government insured mortgages?

I'm certain there are many other things floating around in my brain but I'm old and I can't verbalize them right now.

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Turns out I was wrong about the Red Sox game this Friday. The game is not on at 8:00 in the evening. It will start at 3:07 in the afternoon.

Who the hell starts a baseball game at 3:07 in the afternoon? Why :07? Why not start it at 3:00 or at 3:15?

Speaking of baseball, the Rays managed to eliminate the Rangers last night so I was wrong about that as well.

This means the Rays will leave Texas and fly to Cleveland. Once there, they will play the Indians in the AL Wild Card. That is scheduled for tomorrow at 8:00pm. I'm hoping the Indians beat the Rays and Terry Francona gets into the ALDS.

Then I'm hoping for a ALDS where the Red Sox beat the crap out of the Indians in three quick games....

Tonight is the NL Wild Card game between the Cardinals and the Pirates and I'm hoping the Pirates win. I like the Pirates and my cousin Paddy loves the Pirates. And when I say "loves the Pirates", I mean that the woman is fan beyond measure. Always has been, always will be. She stuck with them through the last two decades when the Pirates where probably the single worst team in all of major league baseball.

The Pirates and my cousin Paddy deserve some post-season baseball and I'm kind of hoping that they win the NLCS penant.

Then I'm hoping for a World Series where the Red Sox beat the crap out of the Pirates in four quick games....

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Here are some links:

• Abandoned Feces and the Protected Artifacts would be a fantastic name for a 1980s techno band.



• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Don't screw with World War II veterans. They'll run you over.



• Presenting this episodes Brilliant Criminal of the Day.