We are about as ready as ready can be

If it hasn't been bought, it ain't gonna get bought.

My Christmas shopping and present wrapping are all done thanks to my daughter.

My wife has been doing her usual Christmas baking and cooking so we are all set for food.

Now all we need is for the date and time to arrive.

In the meantime, we can always celebrate Festivus

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For the record, the DJIA has recovered from the shitty November it had.

Maybe one day, in the distant future, I'll be able to retire.

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Now I'm going to watch some bad television and then fall asleep early.

You can do the same if you want.

• Key phrase in this story: "I’ve given a stern warning now so don’t come crying to me..."
  Who else should I go crying to? I got my shots, why should I face restrictions when I'm doing the right thing?



• No thanks, I'll pass.



• Gentlemen, if a woman is sending you a constant stream of text messages urging you to "Kill yourself", you should probably just block her.



• Key phrase in this story: "...the vessel sprouts new mushrooms every time Ayers takes it onto the water."



• Apparently, the KFC's in England have a different menu than we do.