My chestnut is dying of thirst

The horse chestnut we planted last year suddenly started wilting and turning brown.

(Yes, that brown stuff on the ground is what's left of my lawn)
Today, I called the garden center where we bought it (16 Acres Garden Center, if must know) and I described what was happening to the tree to a nice young lady. She listened patiently and then told me to hold for Andy. So I did.

Did you ever have a conversation with someone and you were keenly aware that they were not using the words they wanted use when they were speaking to you? I had one such conversation today:

Me: Hi. Last year we bought a tree from you and now we notice it's dying.

Andy: Oh yea? Have you been watering it?
What He Wanted To Say: No shit Sherlock. In case you haven't noticed, we're in a drought, you moron, and young trees need water. A lot of water.

Me: Yes, I run my sprinklers every day.

Andy: Um, that's not enough. Sprinklers aren't going to soak the ground down to the root ball.
WHWTS: Good Lord, who let you plant a tree? Sprinklers only get the soil wet down to about an inch. You know, just where grass grows, dipshit. You're talking about a freakin' tree. It needs the water to go down at least 2 or 3 feet.

Me: Oh. So how often should I water it?

Andy: Water it every day. You really want the moisture to get down deep in the soil so give it a heavy watering every day.
WHWTS: Holy shit! Do you know anything at all about plants? Drought conditions suck the moisture out of the soil and kill the plants, you idiot. The only way to keep the tree alive is to keep it well watered, EVERY FREAKIN' DAY!

Me: Okay, Thanks,

Andy: You're welcome. Have a nice day!
WHWTS: Sweet Jesus on a Merry-Go-Round, if you kill that poor tree, so help me, I'll come over there and whack you with a freakin' shovel Now hang up the phone and go water the damned tree.

So now I guess we wait and see if watering it every day will bring it back from the brink of death.

On the other hand, the two little red maples I planted out front last year are doing just fine so I guess I got that goin' for me.

Maybe I'll call Andy and let him know.

⧫

You can enjoy these links while I watch some old sport things:

• This is why I never buy $250,000 cars.
  Well, that and the fact I can't afford a $250,000 car...



• Um, Vermont does not have a coast. It is as land-locked as Kansas. How can it have "coastal rivers"?



• Thirty children?!? Jesus pal, first thing you should do is get snipped. 



• Australia: What doesn't try to kill ya, comes up to ya all nekkid and saves your life.



• I'm not sure if this is ironic or poetic...