I'm alive.

Now that I appear to have recovered from the great plumbing adventure, I might actually stay awake long enough to watch all nine innings of baseball. I don't want to say I was tired but last night I managed to stay awake until all of 8:30. At that time, I went unconscious and stayed that way until 4:30 when I woke up because really had to go to the bathroom....

*

The Red Sox start a three-game series against the Blue Jays this evening. Hopefully they can continue their winning streak because they need all the wins they can get while the getting is good.

Let's face it, eventually the Yankees are going to get their star players back from the DL and when that happens, I suspect they are going to start racking up the wins. Also, the Blue Jays have some serious firepower of their own. Unless they are planning on being another 2012 Red Sox team, they will eventually begin to click and start playing like they should.

When those things happens, the ALEast becomes one of the toughtest divisions in Major League Baseball so it's better to take the top early and try to stay there than it is to try and knock some other team off.

*

Enjoy these links:

• On April 30, 1993, the World Wide Web came into being when Tim Berners-Lee published the first website. In celebration of it's 20th anniversary  CERN (the place where it all began) has put the website back online. Here, in all it's textual glory, is the first web page ever published.



• Meet Henry Gribbohm - one of the dumbest people on the planet.



• Meet Cameron Lyle - one of the finest people on the planet.



• At 80 years old, Willie Nelson is still a funny guy.

Ouch....

After spending yesterday laying on my back under my kitchen cabinets, my back and legs are killing me. This is why I am not a plumber. They make great money and they are worth every penny but they definitely earn it.

Right now, I'm thinking of taking a day off just to recover.

*

The Red Sox are off this evening so I think I'll spend my time watching the shows that I've been DVRing and whining to The Dog about how sore I am..

While I'm doing that, you can visit these links:

• Only in Florida.



• I'm thinking someone needs a new boyfriend...



• At what point does the media stop reporting every bit of insane prattle that comes out of her mouth?

I am not a plumber

I hate trying to do plumbing. I usually end up spending 4 hours to do a 2 hour job and still have large puddle of water on the floor.

Today, the plumbing gods smiled on me.

I ripped out our kitchen sink and installed a new one. It took me more about 4 hours but considering I had to make the hole in the counter larger and replace the entire drain system because the drains were in different locations on the new sink I didn't think 4 hours was too bad.

After I got finished seating the sink, replacing the drain system and hooking the water supplies up, I took the leap of faith and turned the water back on.

Guess what?

NOTHING LEAKED!

That is the first time in my life that I have done any plumbing and didn't have to use my wet/dry vac afterwards.

*

Since I spent my entire day laying on my back under a sink, I don't have any links for you.

Blinds, shades, treatments....

There are more names for that thing we use to cover our windows and I am deep in them.

My house faces east/west. This means that in the morning, sunlight is blasting into my front window and in the afternoon, it's blasting into my back windows. I like the sun but when it's shining directly in your eyes while you are trying to eat or watch television, it's a pain in the ass.

I have been draping an old towel over the my family room windows but, as you can well imagine, that has been something that my wife doesn't really approve of. After looking at it for a while, she announced today that, dammit, we were going to buy some new window shades.

We ended up at Lowes looking at billions and billions of different types of things that can be used to block the sun in your window. We settled on a nice shade that she was happy with. It doesn't really block the sun entirely, it kind of "fuzzes" it just enough so it's not overly annoying.

We got home and I set about putting these new shades up.

I quickly discovered that I must be a retard because the instructions said, "Installation time: 15 minutes". I spent an hour putting the first one up, 40 minutes putting the second one up, 30 minutes putting the third on up and another 30 minutes putting the fourth one up.

If you're good at math you'll find that it took me two hours and forty minutes to install four shades.

Oh, and did I mention that my back hurts...

*

You can try out these links while I watch the Red Sox:

• Generally speaking, some members of our species aren't very bright.



• I have a feeling that alcohol might have been involved.



• The man likes his socks.

I don't really feel bad for the guy.

The Red Sox finally made the decision to do something about Alfredo Aceves. They sent him down to AAA Pawtucket yesterday in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, he can learn to pitch again. Hopefully things work out for everyone because right now, that man is a serious nutcase and is not pitching well at all.

Aceves was never a very stable guy to begin with. He always had trouble communicating with his catcher, which led to catchers thinking he was throwing a sinker when he would suddenly uncork a high 95mph fast ball and he always had trouble taking direction from the manager, which led to confusion on the field.

His strengths are that when he is good, he is very good. If the starter falls apart, Aceves can give a team a solid six or seven innings in relief. If a starter is out on the DL, he can start and go seven or eight innings. If the closer is shutdown for a particular game, he can step in and deliver three quick outs to win the game.

Unfortunately, he hasn't been very good lately. Hopefully this trip to Rhode Island helps him out and he comes back with his head on straight and his arm back in good condition.

*

You can hit these links:

• As a species, there something very wrong with us.



• Best comment in this story: 'There are people in this country who are still opposed to the death penalty?  I agree that “three strikes” can be a bit harsh, but after around 100 or so I’d say just pull the trigger.'



• Researchers: Contributing to the betterment of our society or a complete waste of perfectly good oxygen? We report, you decide.



• I'm thinking that I probably wouldn't want the phone back.

This just gets better and better.

I realize that the Boston Herald is a rag and it has a tendency to sensationalize everything but they have done some pretty damned good investigative journalism over the years. They were the ones that first broke the news about the Probation Department scandal.

It seems that whenever they catch a whiff of some government agency that is not working in the best interest of the public, they tend to dig and dig until someone, somewhere, finally tosses them some information. Based on that history, I'm beginning to wonder if maybe, just maybe, there is some kind of state government cover-up in play here.

I understand about the right to privacy and I'm not entirely certain that the government telling us that the son-of-a-bitch used our money to blow us up is going to help anyone. What I am more concerned about and would really like to ask our esteemed governor and his administration, are these three questions:

1. Are you comparing the list of all welfare recipients to the FBI/CIA/Homeland Security watch lists?
2. Is there anyone else receiving my tax dollars who is also a potential terrorist?
3. Can you assure me that no one else will use my tax dollars to try and blow me up?

I have a right to know if my tax dollars are being used to fund terrorist activities because if they are, I'm going to stop paying my state taxes.

I flat out refuse to fund terrorist activities.

*

Here are some links:

• I'm okay with them reinstating the tolls as long as every dollar collected between interchange one and interchange eight is used solely for Western Massachusetts. If they pour any of that money into the Big Dig debt, I will be extra pissed.



• And fat people everywhere rejoiced.



• Key entry from my favorite police blotter: "11:52 a.m. A Kalispell woman reported that another woman stole her purse and wedding ring worth $88. She then claimed she was not married, did not have a wedding ring, and was not in need of assistance."



• Only in Pennsylvania.

Wow. When they suck, they really suck.

The Red Sox managed to lose to the Athletics 13-0 last night. That's what I call having an extra-large economy-size can of whoopass dumped all over you.

Today's game started at 4:05 and as I type this, it's tied 3-3 in the middle the 5th inning.

I'm hoping it concludes in a much better fashion for the Red Sox but if it doesn't, I would still say that overall, they are playing some pretty damned good baseball.

How can you say anything else when talking about a team that is in first place in the AL East and tied for first place in the AL.

*

So while I watch the rest of the ballgame, you can click on these links:

• Mormons: Do not mess with them....



• Did the marathon bomber finance his murderous little spree using our tax dollars? I think someone should ask our esteemed governor that question...



• You just know there are a couple of nerds sitting at NASA/JPL giggling like little girls....

I'm tired.

I was called at 2:30 in the morning to fix a problem at work and I've been awake since. That means that not only am I tired, I'm cranky. And when I'm cranky, I find a it difficult to tolerate the incredible stupidity displayed by some people.

I won't mention who those people are and I won't provide them the publicity they seek by linking to their dreck but suffice to say that there is a certain subset of our society that lives in a sterile, sanitary world. They don't understand how anyone can feel outrage at a 19 year old from some third world shithole who came to this country, basked in its glory for ten years and then, out of the clear blue sky, decided to make a point about how evil America is by blowing the legs off people.

So on that note, let me just say that I hope that when the next 19 year old maggot with some nonsensical idealogical point comes along, there are some people should be the first in line to volunteer to get their legs blown off by him so he can make his point.

*

You can click on these links. Or not. Your choice:

• It doesn't matter what the religion, they all have zealots and fanatics. And this is what is just one of the many, many things wrong with religious zealots and fanatics.



• Here's your first Naked Guy in the News story.



• Here's your second Naked Guy in the News story.



• Key phrase from this police blotter: "Police said the granddaughter further informed her grandmother that giraffes were chasing her down the hill after she ate the mushrooms."

Busy day, quiet evening.

Today was kind of a busy day because I spent the day with my son getting some extremely important things done. Then it was take-out food from a chain Mexican restaurant that was actually pretty damned good.

Now I have some baseball to watch because the Red Sox really need my sage advice. After losing two out of three to the Royals, they are still in first place in the AL East and they are tied for first place in the AL with the Rangers.

They are only 18 games into the season and it's already shaping up to be kind of interesting.

*

I have no more information about the murder they have in Boston because I find that I'm having a hard time believing anything the media is reporting.

They all seem to be saying different things and putting whatever spin they want to put on a story that is pretty cut and dry. For those of you that don't know the story, here it is:

Two assholes blew up some innocent people. One is dead. The other needs to be executed.

That my friends is the entire story. I don't want to hear their story about how evil America is. I don't want to hear their tales of repression and hate. I want them gone from our world.

*

Try out these links:

• World Best Mom.



• How come we don't have places like this in the United States?



• No one ever said news anchors were smart.

The lawn is mowed.

I'm not entirely sure that it needed to be mowed but in the spring my lawn has clumps of grass that stand out like boils on an old mans neck. My purpose for mowing it is to even it off and hide the boils.

Mission accomplished.

*

This made me laugh. It's KrazyKimIII.

*

You can visit these links if you would like:

• Trust me, when a judge says, "Don't do it", he's usually kinda serious about it and you probably shouldn't do it.



• In Memphis, they are very serious about their chicken.



• No shit. When will it occur to our government, and the media, that no matter how many gun laws they pass, the criminals will never follow them.



• Chris says, "This is a good read." I agree.

Please allow me to piss some people off.

Now that things have settled a bit for the people of Boston, it's time for me to ask the important question:

When will the government drag the bombing victims in front of the media and call for a ban on "assault pressure cookers" and "high-capacity backpacks"?

*

All that aside, I would like to point out that the second murderer was a 19 year old kid.

I have raised two children into their 20's and I have a third who is currently 18, soon to be 19. This means I have a certain understanding of what thoughts are going on inside head of a 19 year old kid and I can tell you that, for the most part, very little is going on in their head. Particularly in the head of a 19 year old boy.

They are easily lead by friends and celebrities. They will dress the way their favorite singer dresses. They will behave the way their favorite actor behaves.They will do stupid things because the group they are currently hanging out with thinks it would be cool to do it.

In other words, I'm saying that this 19 year old kid probably has no ideological beliefs, he probably has no deeply ingrained hatred of anyone in particular and he probably doesn't belong to any "sleeper cell". He's probably just a kid who worshiped the ground his older brother walked on and followed him into the gates of hell.

Then again, maybe alqueda does have something to do with this kid and he's nothing more than piece of shit who deserves to be executed by being burned at the stake while rats gnaw on his eyeballs.

*

Yes, I heard the David Ortiz speech.

Yes I saw Tom Carron point out the "tweet" from Julius at the FCC about how Ortiz gets a pass.

Yes, I know who Julius at the FCC is.

He said it, let's move on.

*

Some of you have already seen this but most of you haven't.

When I drive to work, I always drive through a section of Stony Hill Rd. known as the "S-curves" and I usually see a large heron standing in the South Branch of the Mill River just after the stream passes under the road. I always thought to myself, one of these days, I need to park my car and take a picture of that heron.

At 6:30 am last Thursday, as I made my turn onto Stony Hill, I realized it was a nice sunny day and I decided that today I would stop and take a picture of the heron.

I started to drive into the S-curves and I looked for the heron. I didn't see him but I figured maybe he was a bit further upstream so I parked my car and started to walk towards the stream.

That was when I spotted the reason why the heron wasn't around:

I realize it's a really bad picture but in case you can't figure it out, it's a bald eagle sitting in a tree. It's a bald eagle sitting in a tree in freakin' Wilbraham! It's a bald eagle sitting in a tree in Wilbraham about a mile from my freakin' house!

You gotta love living in this town.

*

Enjoy these links:

• Key phrase in this story: "Steinberg, 22, was in custody exactly 12 minutes after the time of the attempted robbery"



• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Key phrase in this story: "As it turns out, bringing something called 'The Bomb' to an airport isn't the best idea."



• I can't begin to explain how wrong this really is. And when I say wrong, I mean absolutely FUBAR.

Looks like the two bombers are dead or in jail.

My question is, "What did the United States (or maybe it was just Boston) ever do to anyone in Chechnya?"

Nothing, that's what. We never supported any repressive government over there, we never aided their enemies, we never attacked them. Why would they send two kids over here to cause death and injuries to American citizens?

Could it be that the primary religion of Chechnya is muslim?

Just askin'....

*

I'm a little late with this post this evening because we took a ride up to Burlington VT to begin phase one of my daughters move back home.

She has no roommate so she has no one to split the room accouterments with. This means she has to haul everything home at the end of the year.

We've found that she has at least three car loads of stuff and this was the first load. On the day she is ready to move back home, either my wife or myself will go up there, load our car and load her car. That will be the three car loads.

*

Here are some links:

• I recommend that you not watch the video.



• "Accidental Incest" would be the perfect name for a bad 1970s porno film.

Ahh, the memories....

I coached t-ball and rec league baseball for 9 years. I have some stories from that era of my life that still make me laugh out loud.

Let me tell you about a young aspiring ball player whose name was not Robert but since he still lives in town and I don't want to embarrass him, that's what I'm going to call him.

One Saturday morning, Robert ran up to me while I was trying to get all the equipment out and ready to go. He got my attention and said, "Coach! Coach! Coach! Can I catch? I want to catch! Please can I catch? I know I can catch."

I told Robert that I thought he would make an outstanding catcher and as soon as it was his turn to catch, I would help him get geared up.

So in the third inning, it became Roberts turn to catch.

His dad and I spent several minutes getting Robert geared up in so much equipment that he could hardly stand up under all the weight. I carried him to the plate, stood him up and told him all he had to do was get the ball after I pitched and throw it back to me. Then I walked towards the pitchers mound.

As the coach (or chief babysitter), I had to make sure that every player is at least paying enough attention to get out of the way if a ball is hit to them.

The process of getting the team ready to play is a well defined process that usually goes something like this:

I first had to tell the first baseman and the third baseman to stop throwing dirt clods at the outfielders, turn around and look at home plate.

Then I had to tell the "pitcher" to put his glove back on, take his ball cap off his face and put it back on his head.

Then I had to tell the shortstop to release the poor dragonfly and leave it alone because that particular dragonfly never bothered anyone and besides, they eat mosquitoes, which everyone hates.

After I had my infield in the "ready position", I had to then address the outfield: Stop blowing dandelion seeds all over the place, stop chasing butterflies, leave the dog alone, etc...

When I finally reached the mound. I turned to find that my catcher had somehow magically disappeared.

I yelled over to his dad, "Have you seen Robert?" His dad, being a dad kind of guy, immediately let out a dad-bellow, "ROBERT! WHERE ARE YOU? GET OVER HERE!"

Robert came toddling out from the woods from behind the backstop with a frog in one hand and mud all over his town-supplied shin guards & chest protector. His glove was no where to be found and his catchers mask was on sideways, blocking his view of the backstop. He walked full steam into the backstop but thanks to the wall of mud-covered protective gear he was wearing, he came away unscathed.

That, my friends, was a normal Saturday morning t-ball game.

Just so you know, it was this really excellent article that brought all those memories back to me.

*

Here are some links you might like:

• And this is why I never drink coffee from teachers lounges.



• Apparently this kind of thing doesn't only happen in Florida.



• Will someone please just shoot these people.

It's someone else's fault.

When it comes to the Kennedy family, it seems like it's always someone else's fault.

It wasn't Edward "big head" Kennedy's fault that Mary Jo Kopechne couldn't swim, it wasn't Douglas Kennedy's fault that the nurses didn't know who he was and it's certainly not Michael Skakel's fault that Martha Moxley didn't step away from the tee during his backswing.

No sir, it's not their fault at all.

*

So CNN kinda screwed up a bit this afternoon when they said, "Arrest made in Marathon bombing". This headline last about 15 minutes when they suddenly said, "Oops. Just kidding! No arrest made!"

Like I said yesterday, CNN is really good at following California car chases but I'm not sure what else they do well.

On the other hand, as I mentioned yesterday, it will take a breakthrough to solve this case and it does appear that maybe there has been that breakthrough.

The Lord and Taylor department store across the street from the second explosion had a video camera recording the street. They captured video of an individual walking down the sidewalk with a black bag. The individual dropped the bag on the sidewalk and kept walking.

The FBI managed to find that clip in the thousands of hours of video they are reviewing and then managed to enhance it enough to be able to identify the individual.

My only question is, "What do they mean by 'identify'?" Do they mean they know who the guy is or does it mean that if they run across the guy, they'll know it's him because of the video.

Oh, and before I get off the Boston-Exploding subject, this is why I like Stephen Colbert.

*

I'm running out of links. I think I might be approaching the end of the internet. The few links that I did manage to find are listed here:

• It's been a while since we checked out The People of Walmart.



• Only in Pennsylvania.



• Also only in Pennsylvania.



• People are happier if they think they make more money than others too.

Nothing new.

There really is no new information coming out of Boston and that is to be expected. A major breakthrough not withstanding, this is going to be a long investigation. They are going to be sifting through massive amounts of information and evidence looking for that one thing that will tell them what they need to know.

The FBI is asking for anyone that might have been at the marathon with a camera to please contact them. Here's the link to the website where they have provided a toll free number to contact them if you have any images taken before, during and after the marathon. They are hoping that someone may have recorded something that will help them identify who did this.

*

Before the whole Exploding-Boston thing came up yesterday, I had a rant prepared about the current state of our news media. In retrospect, it all seemed kind of trivial so I didn't post it. Today, after re-reading it, I think it's still appropriate and I've decided to post it.

So with no further adieu, here is my humble opinion on the current state of the news media in this country:

*****

See if you can follow my thought process on why I think the media is doing it's best to ignore news and drive public opinion in the direction the current administration wants it to go:

Lately, all of the major news outlets have spent a lot of time publishing stories about people killed by guns and how guns are bad and we should ban certain types of guns. And when I say a lot of time, I mean like every day of the week, twice a day, they talk about "gun violence" and what congress should be doing about it. They are producing and running multi-day series about the subject.

Series with titles like

'Flashpoint: Guns in America'
or
'Hidden America: Chicago's Gang War'
or
'U.S. gun control: A history of tragedy'.

Those "news stories" are all designed to convince the American people that the root of all evil is the gun and if we get rid of guns, we will no longer have to fear for our lives.

Yet when something like this happens, they ignore it.

And do you know how I know that they ignore it? Well it's quite simple really - I searched their websites for the story.

Here are the searches of each website for the words fayetteville "home invasion":

• NBCNews search.
• ABCNews search.
• CBSNews search.
• FOXNews search.
• CNN search.

Why is it that a news story about a homeowner using a firearm against bad people who invaded his home at 3:30am only appears on the local news station and on FOX? Why would NBC, ABC, CBS and CNN all ignore the story? They certainly don't have any problem over-reporting every other story that involves violence and firearms.

Is it because this story flies in the face of Billionaire Bloomberg's desire to ignore the constitution and impliment gun control beyond a meaningful level? Is that why they ignored that story?

And here's another problem I have with network news - they sensationalize everything.

Read this headline but don't read the story. Think about the headline for a minute and imagine the scene in your mind, then go read the story.

Does the story match what you thought? I know it didn't match what I thought. It didn't match what I imagined because they opted to leave one word out of the headline. A very important and descriptive word that changes the entire tone of the story.

That, my friends, is pisspoor reporting and they should be ashamed of themselves.

And by the way, I don't watch or read FOX news. Never have, never will. It is just as single-minded and corrupt as the other network news outlets.

Just as CBS, ABC and NBC are nothing more than mouthpieces for the arrogant foolhardy liberals, FOX is nothing more than a mouthpiece for the brain-damaged fanatical conservatives.

As for CNN, well I'm not certain what is wrong with CNN but I do know they sure like to beat the daylights out of a good old fashioned California car chase. If there is a car chase going on anywhere in California, you can bet that CNN will have a helicopter with a camera following it from start to finish.

*

In addition to all of the links I presented above, I want to present these to you as well:

• Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to present one seriously honest judge.



• Yuck...



• "We're the Flyin' Elvises! Utah Chapter!"



• If you haven't seen this yet, it will make you laugh out loud. If you have already seen it, it will still make you laugh out loud.



• I'll bet they do....

I have only one thing to say about Boston

My eldest is safe and sound back at his apartment. He worked at Beth Israel today and saw some things he really never wanted to see but knew that one day he would.

Other than that, until more information comes out, I have nothing to say about what happened. Right now, all we know is that some sick-o decided to kill and injure a lot of people. Hopefully they catch him/her/them and the federal death penalty comes into play.

Until then, let's talk about something else.

*

My back hurts.

I'm getting too old for the "hauling and spreading mulch" thing. My back and legs feels like they took a beating from a deranged monkey with a stick.

*

Here is a link:

• He really wanted Chinese food...

Mulch is down.

We (meaning me) made several trips to Lowes to buy multiple bags of mulch with weed control. Between  trips, we (meaning my wife) spread the mulch in her flower beds and around some trees.

That, my friends, is known as teamwork - I haul it and she puts it down.

*

The Red Sox managed to beat the Rays today. This series was supposed to be a four-game series but they got rained out on Friday, making this a three-game series. The makeup game is scheduled for sometime in June.

The Red Sox are off to a pretty damned good start considering how poorly things went for them last year. But I gotta tell you, the big story in MLB is the Atlanta Braves.

The Braves are playing .917 baseball with a record of eleven wins and one loss. That's a hell of a record to start the season.

*

I wasn't going to bring this up because it didn't seem pertinent to the situation but now that the Sandy Hook parents are making more and more appearances in front of congress or the media, I feel compelled to point this out:

Having the families of murder victims lobby congress to impose restrictions on the constitutional right to bear arms is like having the families of catholic church molestation victims lobby congress to impose restrictions on the constitutional right to religious freedom.

Believe what you want to believe, feel the way you want to feel but remember that when we start applying feelings and beliefs to our constitutional rights, we run the risk of alienating or persecuting certain people.

Just sayin' is all.

*

These links are here for the clicking:

• Only in Florida.



• Well, duh...



• Welcome to Walmart.



• And this, my friends, is why the North Korean Army is a laughing stock.

Not a bad day. Not bad at all.

The Red Sox managed to beat the Rays after 10 innings of pretty darned entertaining baseball.

In the first inning, Middlebrooks took a leap at a line drive that glanced off his glove. For just a split second it looked like it was going to be a hit until Steve Drew bolted over and caught the ball before it hit the ground.

That, my friends, is athleticism.

*

So I watched most of the game while at a fund raiser for a friend of my wife. It was held in a bar, which is, in my opinion, the second most perfect place to watch a ball game.

The first place is in my recliner but hey, if I can't watch it from my recliner, I want to be at a bar.

*

Now that I've had dinner, I'm ready for a little crappy television and some serious early-to-bed.

You can click on these links while I relax:

• Does Krazy Kim III have any idea at all what he is saying?



• Here's your Naked Guy in the News story.



• Were they Butterball Turkey Vultures?

Thus ends another work week.

Unless your name happens to be "John", this is the end of the work week for you. You get to now contemplate what fun and rewarding tasks you will be able to perform over the next two days.

My task will involve screaming my sage advice at my special coaching television on Saturday and Sunday. I get this evening off due to inclement weather.

*

Springfield had its 6th shooting of the year the other day and this one was on the border of Springfield and Wilbraham. At this rate, Springfield is on track to have between 15 and 20 murders this year.

Lets face it, things in Springfield are getting worse and there really is no hope that the city is going to straighten itself out in the near future. I appreciate the job that the police have but they were not hired to protect me from bad people. They are here to enforce the laws, not be my personal body guard.

Having said that, and now that things are starting to creep into my quiet little town, I have two simple decisions to make:

Should I get some hollow points or just stick with the wad cutters?
Should I get some #4 buck as well?

I think the correct answer is, "All of the above"...

*

Here are some links for you:

• It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World was one of the funniest movies ever made because of him.



• Hey, give the guy a break. Every other "guy" on the planet would have the same problem...



• If he succeeds in his quest to get "something like 300,000 subjects", he will become the worlds greatest researcher. Ever.



• Key phrase in this photo story: "She'd been smoking a lot of weed recently."

Still no missiles.

I'm beginning to think that Krazy Kim III is lying to us and there are no missiles. I think he has his goons driving around in trucks hauling telephone poles that look like missiles.

*

Tough one for the Red Sox. They were one strike away from victory last night when the fecal matter struck the oscillation device.

Hannrahan threw a terrible pitch that went down into the dirt in front of home plate, took a nasty little bounce to the side and sailed right past Saltalamachia all the way to the backstop. This allowed the runner on third to score, tying the game 5-5.

The next batter up got himself a nice little sinker right into his wheelhouse that he took full advantage of and he hit a home run to drive in three runs. This gave the Orioles a 8-5 lead and that, my friends, is how the game ended.

Oh well, no one said they would win every game. Let's keep hoping they win more than they lose.

*

You can visit these links if you would like:

• Uh, no, I wouldn't.



• Wait. They did this for fifteen years? Why would they suddenly stop now? They probably could have gotten away with this scam, uh, I mean, "scientific research", for another 15 or 20 years...



• Despite years of war with them, I'm beginning to develop a certain admiration for the Vietnamese.



• Stripper Brawl would be a great name for a 1990s chick band.



• Also, Rosie Buckner and The Aggressive Ducks would be a pretty good name for a 1970s country-western band.

Normal Day = Normal Post.

Just to explain, yesterday after work I stopped for a few adult beverages with some old friends. It wasn't a long day because I was working too hard, it was a long day because I was enjoying too hard.

*

Looks like Krazy Kim III is looking to poke the hornets nest. The North Koreans have at least two long-range missiles sitting on the east coast of their slum-like country and intelligence seems to indicate that they will launch at least one of those missiles today or tomorrow.

If the trajectory of the missile takes it on a path towards any inhabited bit of land, I suspect the US and Japan will make every attempt to shoot it down. They may succeed, they may not, but they will try.

If the US succeeds in shooting down the missile, North Korea will claim it was an act of war for the US to interfere in a missile test. The next thing you know, they are doing something else really stupid and, before you know it, we are at war.

If the US fails to shoot it down and the missile lands on inhabited land, the US will probably launch some type of retaliatory attack on North Korea and, before you know it, we're at war.

This kind of BullShit never ends well.

*

Here are some links:

• According to our President and several state governors, the problem is not the people, it's the guns. Well to them I say, "Hey! Dingbats! Pay attention to what is going on around you." I would hope that this will point their attention in the right direction but I suspect it won't. They are so focused on inanimate objects that they are quite content to overlook the human factor.



• Speaking of dingbats.



• Here's a headline you don't see very often.



• Are any of you folks going to have a problem with this? If so, please let me know and I'll help you out by taking some of your excess.



• Yes, alcohol was involved.



• Key phrase in this story: "Mr. Sprave accepts that the device still needs some work as it causes fear and pain"



• Here's your Naked Guy in the News story.



• Before Sally Ride came along, astronauts were just a bunch of guys doing guy things.

Long Day = Short Post.

Here are the links:

• Dude! We need to legislate! But first, we need some Doritos. Lots of Doritos...



• Yes, alcohol was involved. (Warning: There is an autostart video on the webpage)



• Researchers: Providing valuable information for society or a complete waste of perfectly good oxygen. We report, you decide.



• Wait... $2,000.00 per pound? Holy crap! I gotta get some fishing nets and head up to Maine!



• Only in Florida.



• Pffftttt.... That's nothing. My Dog once ate two remote controls.



• It's the old, "I'm married" defense.



• If you like baseball and you like Abbott & Costello, you'll like this.

I need to hit the lottery.

This working thing is getting in the way of my living thing and I need to change that. It seems to me the best way to change it is to become independantly wealthy.

Or at least very well-off.

*

Did someone shoot all the spammers?

For the last year, I've been getting at least 20 spam emails a day. All of a sudden, in the last week, my spam emails have fallen to 1 or 2 a day. This is a significant, and happy, drop off.

At least I no longer have to worry about all those christian singles in my area looking for me or the $27million USDollars that was left behind when the owner of the large oil firm was killed and now the secretary to the supreme chief banking administrator from Uganda is trying to get out of the country and into my bank account.

*

Yes, the Red Sox won today. No, I did not get to watch the game. It was a day game and what with me having a job and all, I find it hard to watch day baseball games.

Oh, and since I work in a giant steel and brick building, I don't get any radio reception so that's out of the question.

*

Here are some links you might find news-worthy:

• Key reader comment in this story: "If your kid acts up you are a bad parent, yet if you discpline them you are a criminal!"



• Is it just me or does anyone else think this is going to be more confusing after they get through 'clarifying' it...



• This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs.

Lazy bum.

I've been using my recent tooth extraction as an excuse to be a lazy bum. To be honest with you, it's not all that painful but it's just enough to make sleep difficult at best. That means that during the day, I'm tired.

Last night I got a decent nights sleep without the need for any medications.It's looking like I might be on the mend and capable of maybe being productive at work this week.

I hate the way that pain medication makes me feel. I'd rather drink beer until I pass out than take those things but if I did that, I'd have to pee all night.

Screw that, I'm old. I have to pee all night already.

*

So I guess the Red Sox decided to make up for last night 5-0 loss by kicking the Blue Jays ass.

They won this afternoon by a score of 13-0. They hit everything that the the Blue Jays pitchers threw at them and Middlebrooks hit 3 home runs. That's a hell of a lot of home runs to hit in one game.

So now the Red Sox are in first place in the ALEast, tied for first place in the AL and tied for second place in MLB.

I'm not sure they'll be able to maintain that level of play but as long as they keep Middlebrooks, Iglesias and Bradley on the team, they should do okay.

*

Enjoy these links:

• Here's your Naked Guy in the News story.



• I'm pretty sure this might be what Hillary Clinton is going to do in 2016.



• Presenting this episodes Loving Husband of the Year.



• This is going to end up as another war...

Good nights sleep and a nap.

Thanks to better living through chemistry, I managed to get a good nights sleep last night. And this afternoon,  I snuck in a little nap during Red Sox game.

Yes, I know they lost and I realize they probably lost because I wasn't giving them my sage coaching advice.

Trust me, I tried to stay awake but it just wasn't going to happen. Not only did I fall asleep, I was snoring loud enough to make The Dog leave the room and go into the living room with my wife.

Hey, what can I say, I was freakin' tired.

*

So anyways, the Red Sox kinda sucked today.

I was impressed with Lackey's pitching right up until he blew out his arm and that's just a shame. He worked hard to come back from his shoulder surgery and he looked great during spring training. Hopefully this isn't a major injury for him.

The rest of the team, however, had a tough time hitting the damned baseball. They managed only two hits and no runs and that, as you all know, is not how you win baseball games.

You win ball games by stepping on home plate more times than the other team. And the best way to step on home plate is to hit the ball.

*

Enjoy these links:

• Here's a story line we haven't seen in a while: Drunks on Lawnmowers.



• Bubba Watson is my kind of golfer.



• Here's your Naked Guy in the News story.



• This does not sound like a good idea....

This no sleep thing is getting old.

For the last several days, I have been sleeping like crap because of the infected tooth. Now that the tooth is out, I slept like crap because of the painful throbbing in my jaw where the tooth used to be.

I'm kinda hoping tonight is better because if it's not, I'm gonna have to pop one of those pain pills he gave me.

I hate the way I feel when I take those things.

*

So the Red Sox lost to the Yankees last night. Andy Pettite threw a hell of a game and he deserved the win.


The Red Sox looked good even in defeat. Some of the reports I heard kinda dumped on Victorino for his aggressive attempt to score on a passed ball but the way I saw it was he saw an opening and he took it. He knows you don't win ball games by staying safe. You have to take a calculated risk and that's what he did.

Hell, he almost made it.

Tonight begins a 3-day series up in Toronto against the Blue Jays. It's going to be interesting because I understand that the Toronto fans are more than a little upset at John Farrell for leaving to go back to Boston.

*

Try these links:

• The other day, when I was leaving work, I saw a bald eagle soaring of Watershops Pond.



• Here's your 3 Naked Guys and 1 Naked Woman in the News story.

Not the best day

When I was in my late teens, I stopped going to see a dentist on a regular basis and before I knew it, I had a major dental problem. At the age of 21, I was the proud owner of three root canals.

So last year, I discover that one of the root canals was not done properly. I know this because my dentist spotted a small white blob on an xray that indicated an infection was forming at the base of the canal.

Flash forward to today and I resolved the problem of the infection by having the tooth removed.

If I can give you one piece of advice, it's to take care of your teeth. I can honestly tell you that root canals and tooth extractions are events that are best avoided in life.

*

You can click on these links while I watch some baseball:

• Susan Tinker is not the brightest individual on the planet...



• Five years is a long time.

We need the death penalty.

Here's an interesting series of stories:

From January of 2010.

From April of 2010.

A November 2010 police log entry says: "Michael Barnett, 30, of 500 Mystic Ave. and Adam Leal, 26, of 10B Memorial Road, arrested Nov. 18 at 8:27 p.m., on charges of receiving stolen property over $250."

A January 2012 police log entry says: "Michael Barnett, 31, of 500A Mystic Ave., arrested on Jaques Street on a warrant for larceny over $250, failure to stop for police, driving on a suspended license, number plate violation, negligent driving."

From March of 2012.

And finally, April of 2013.

Can someone explain to me why individuals like Michael Barnett are allowed to live in our society? I won't ask what good they bring but I will ask how we can tolerate the bad they bring.

*

Here are a few more links:

• 'Gay Waterfowl Necrophilia' would be a fanatastic name for a goth band.



• Only in Florida.



• Only in New York City.



• We're gonna end up in another war....

1 down, 161 to go.

The Red Sox managed to play pretty well yesterday despite the fact that I wasn't available to offer my sage coaching advice.  They dumped on the Yankees by beating them 8-2.

I was listening to the guys on WEEI this morning and they were practically having an orgasm over Jackie Bradley. They kept calling him JBJ and fawning over his playing skills.

I appreciate his abilities and I certainly wish him a long and productive career with the Red Sox but as far as I'm concerned, the real story here is Jose Iglesias.

This is a kid who defected from Cuba, made a life for himself and signed as a minor league free agent with the Red Sox in 2009. In 2011, the Boston media was treating him like a superstar and wondering why the Red Sox weren't bringing him up to the majors.

Then in 2012, the Red Sox brought him up to the majors and the Boston media threw a nutty about the fact that he was having trouble hitting the ball. I kept getting into conversations with guys at work who kept saying, "He's not ready to come up." and I kept saying, "He has great eye/hand coordination, he'll learn ho to hit the ball. In the meantime, nothing on the ground gets by him. He makes Derek Jeter look like a stone statue."

Well, yesterday, he proved that not only is he one of the best defensive shortstops in the game, he also knows how to hit the ball.

I suspect that this young man will do more for the Red Sox than any of us can imagine and if it were up to me, I'd trade Stephen Drew to some other team for a few good minor league players. Hell, I'd even eat his nine million dollar salary.

*

These links are for you:

• I feel oddly compelled buy one of these.



• Welcome to Massachusetts.



• I'm not sure if it was alcohol or stupidity the was involved.

Everyone is safe and sound.

All three of our offspring are once again safely back at their respective institutions of higher education getting their higher educations.

Well, actually, not all three. Only two of them are getting higher educated.

Our eldest has finished with his educational processes and is currently busy putting together his resume and CV, studying for the board exams he will be taking after he graduates and getting some paying hours in at the hospital.

*

Bureaucrats are all around me and some of them are petty little bureaucrats. And by petty I mean they provide no service other than to record the service being provided.

Imagine going into a store and purchasing a loaf of bread but before you can pay for it, you have to fill out a form indicating why you need the bread (hunger) how you will use the bread (sandwiches, toast, feeding the ducks, etc...) and when you will use the bread (breakfast, lunch, dinner, between-meal-snacks, etc...)

That is what I deal with on a pretty regular basis - petty bureaucrats and their silly forms that bring nothing of value to the process other than keeping the petty bureaucrats employed stamping and approving forms.

*

Try these links:

• Every April 1st, the mavens at Google put together a fun little gag website. This year was no different.



• Key entry from our favorite police blotter: "8:37 p.m. A resident on First Avenue East reported that his septic tank was about to overflow."



• Easter Bunny or scofflaw? We report, you decide.